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Monday, 16 November 2020

President Trump New Book, 'Mein Kampf 2' Out Now

He may have been voted out of the most powerful job in the world, but Donald Trump isn't going away quietly, and today sees the release of his new book, 'Mein Kampf 2'. Chronicling the struggle he endured during his four years in the White House,…

Confusion Over Word 'Pallets'

There was a storm in a teacup on an online satirical news website earlier this month, over the spelling of three similarly-sounding words landed one writer in a huge pickle, and an editor having to explain things to him in a schoolteacherly way. T…

Beyonce's candid admission

Entertainer and former Destiny's Child singer Beyonce Knowles has made the serious admission that she once experimented with cocoa and Hershey bars. The 39-year-old said that she was in her late teens when the dalliance with these substances occurred…

God Helps Pence

A voice was heard to ask “Do you need any boxes?” as President Trump walked away from his press conference this Friday, having again taken no questions from reporters. The craven President’s ears pricked up as he wondered whether he was being offered…

Did Aliens Hack The Election?

Associated Press, November 15, 2020: President Trump’s personal attorney, Rudolph Giuliani, told reporters today that he had overwhelming evidence that the November 3rd presidential election had been rigged. “Scientists,” he claimed, “had detec…

Covid-19 Prevents UCLA's Third Consecutive 0-3 Season Start

Westwood Village, CA. An S.O.S. report from Spoof On Sports. Bruin coach Chip Kelly can thank the pandemic and the lack of masks, social distancing and common sense for not opening this season 0-3 for the third consecutive year. Instead, his UCLA tea…

Ex-3-Year-Old toddler sues Paul McCartney for nicking his lyrics to 'Yesterday!'

(NOT EDITED) Beatles lyric writers, McCartney and Lennon, are not quite what they are projected to be, especially Paul. After all these years of Beatlemania, the truth is gradually seeping out of red-brick-terraced-houses in Liverpool. A Liverpudl…

Deep State Voter Fraud Thwarted By Slim Everdingle And Dirty Trick Detwiler

BILLINGSGATE POST: Rack up the balls, boys. Put away the cues. The Trumpster is on his way, and he ain’t gonna lose. Warning, Trump-haters. This could be just another giant rat f*ck: Using undercover methods first developed by Slim and Dirty…

The NBA and The NFL Have Just Named Vice-President-Elect Kamala Harris The Sexiest Woman in Politics

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The New York World Register newspaper proclaims that a recent poll has found that players in the NBA and NFL find Kamala Harris to be the sexiest woman in politics. LeBron James, of the Los Angeles Lakers, said th…

GOP Asks Judge to Invalidate Election After Pineapple Inadvertently Added to Pizza Delivered to Vote Counters

Philadelphia - Running out of options after federal and state courts tossed all of their complaints filed to invalidate the election results In Pennsylvania, Republican lawyers led by Trump personal attorney Rudy Giuliani held a hastily-called news c…

Pelosi and Newsom apologize for lack of decency in following their own rules

Speaker of the House Pelosi and California's Governor Newsom have again been caught at the threshold of an embarrassing moment. First it was Ms. Pelosi holding a dinner for incoming Democratic house members, with special air conditioning units and…

Japan Develops a Robot Sex Doll That Can Be Impregnated

OSAKA, Japan â€" (Satire News) â€" When it comes to electronic inventions, Japan is literally unrivaled. Japan has given the world the Electric Tampon Remover, the Electric Dog Flea Zapper, and the Electric Inverted Nipple De-Inverter. And now, just i…

President “One Term” Trump Vows To Fire All 9 Supreme Court Judges

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" There is no doubt whatsoever that President Trump lost the popular vote, the Electoral College vote, and even the women who don’t mind him grabbing them by their you-know-what vote. But, like they say in the Show…

Fauci discovered lurking near Washington Monument with Obedience Training Manual in back pocket

Mr. Fauci's current stand on the need for the American people to “just do what you're told” took on new tones and insinuations this evening. Investigators found him pacing near the famous monument to George Washington which, according to historian…

Man Unable To Swallow Tablet

An Englishman who was given a selection of different kinds of medication by a doctor he went to see, has revealed how one of the items was so large, that he had severe difficulty in swallowing it. The medicine concerned was prescribed by Dr. Kwak…

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire To Write Book About Greek Nightmare

It's what the newspapers have all been waiting for, the scoop of the moment, as the Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has announced that he is to commence writing a book documenting his recent nightmare experience on the Greek holiday island…

Will Melania Trump Attend The Biden Inauguration?

It is believed by most, with opinions that don't matter, that Donald Trump will be a 'no-show' at the Biden inauguration. However, there is speculation (and Vegas bets) that Melania Trump, a US citizen and, by then, the former First Lady, may toss he…

Mass anti-lockdown protests in London by women with 'barge-arses', and men with huge 'beer guts!!'

The lockdown is something that is, obviously, not a good thing for many people, but it is a necessary evil, if we are to eradicate COVID-19. However, on the path to vaccines, there are many mountains to climb, especially with women developing 'barge-…

President Trump finds himself in the bog.

President of the USA, Donald J Trump, has fallen down a bog hole and disappeared while playing on his golf links in Florida. Authorities are currently excavating the site, but have been unable to locate the President. The accident happened as M…

Trump Attempts To Cancel Vote Counts To Bone Spur Flare-up!

Today, Donald Trump's personal physician, Dr Feelsyouupyourasslabub, testified to a Pennsylvania judge that Trump's chronic bone spur problem necessitates the stoppage of all vote counting until the flare-up subsides. When asked how long this might t…

Man Had Blood Test

A man who woke up one morning last week with a nasty rash on his stomach, his upper arms and upper legs - but not his testicles - has finally decided to do something about it, after four days of constant itching and scratching himself into a frenzy.

Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani Can Hardly Wait For The Start of Their Country Valentine’s Music Tour

TISHOMINGO, Oklahoma â€" (Satire News) â€" The two country lovebirds are so looking forward to their upcoming 2021 Country Valentine’s Music Tour. Blake and Gwen announced to Boom Boom News that they have booked the Trumpapalooza Ass Kickin’ Band to b…

It's Finally Official: 306 to 232

WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - After what seemed like weeks, the final Electoral College numbers are in, and Joe Biden will be moving into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in January. The final Electoral College vote tally was 306 to 232; a virtual la…

Surprise, Surprise, Donald Trump Didn’t Win

Donald Trump planned that his hand-picked Supreme Court would throw out all the mail-in ballots. But guess what happened? Mail-in ballots were not thrown out; they were received, counted, and accurately gave the majority votes to the Biden-Harris…

Katy Perry Says She’s a Big Fan of New Female Rap Sensation Sista Frizzle Frazzle

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Pop singer Katy Perry told Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres that she is enjoying being a mama to Daisy Dove Bloom, who is only two months old, and can already play four chords on the ukulele. Daisy Dove’s daddy, actor Orlando B…

Josh Reaume Has Been Suspended by NASCAR For An Extremely Unusual Reason

VENUS FLYTRAP, North Carolina â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Two weeks ago NASCAR driver Smokey “Bubba” Butterhouse was suspended from racing in the Crackerhead Saltine Crackers 200 Auto Race in Georgia. Butterhouse refused to paint over the likeness of Pres…

DeBlasio daughter rushed to therapy following episode of tongue disorder

Mayor of New York, Bill DeBlasio, reports his daughter is recovering nicely and will be released soon. His daughter, Chiara DeBlasio, 25, showed signs of a second indication of perfide rei publicae lingua (rogue political tongue) in Democratic Cir…

People Disgusted With Woman Who Put Bananas On Her Head

A woman who put a large quantity of bananas on her head and started to walk around the streets with them, has come in for criticism from other members of the public, who said that her behavior was "unnecessary" and "unbecoming". The incident happe…

Speaking Clock To Make Welcome Return

News has just reached us that, according to official timekeepers at the office of the Department of Time, in Greenwich, London, the Speaking Clock will make its much-awaited return to service in January. And the time is just gone twenty to five.

Elvis Spotted At a Sex Toy Shop in Iowa

CORN HOLE, Iowa - (Satire News) â€" Boom Boom News is reporting that two different individuals have claimed that they saw 'the king', Elvis Presley, in a sexy toy shop in the small town of Corn Hole. The two individuals identified as cousins Mingy M…

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