DVD Player Keeps 'Sticking' Halfway Through Films
There's nothing like settling back on the settee with the wife, a nice drink, and a packet of salt 'n' vinegar crisps, and watching a DVD, but one man has told how his enjoyment of these televisual feasts has been ruined recently, after his DVD playe…Dallas Cowboys Players 'Snorted Cocaine' At Halftime, Claims Fan
The Dallas Cowboys like to do it the hard way, and they did it the hard way against Atlanta last night, after coming back from a huge first quarter deficit of 20 points, and a 29-10 halftime reverse, to steal the game away from the Falcons 'at the de…Philadelphia Eagles' Wentz Booed Off the Field By Cardboard Fans
In Sunday’s game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Los Angeles Rams, Eagles’ quarterback, Carson Wentz, was booed off the field after throwing his second interception of the game. While this was surprising, even more surprising was the fact th…Manchester United Set To Sign Player With Foreign Name
There's been frantic activity in the football transfer market this afternnon, with several of the top Premier League clubs swelling their ranks with a whole host of skilful, talented, overpaid primadonnas, who will, no doubt, take those clubs for eve…Global bank purchases 5000 washing machines to launder their filthy money!
(NOT EDITED) German electro giants, Miele, have just done a mega-deal with a giant, global bank. They've flogged and delivered one of their most sufficient washing machines to locations all over the planet. The bank who purchased the machines, req…2020 Lindsey Graham: “Don’t Listen to 2016 Lindsey Graham He’s a Liar!â€
Washington - Speaking before the Senate Judiciary Committee on Monday, Chairman Senator 2020 Lindsey Graham said he would push through a replacement for Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg immediately, not even pausing to commemorate the fallen…New York City Prostitutes Are Angry That President Trump Has Cut Off Their Unemployment Benefits
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - Fox News is reporting that there are lots of unhappy, unemployed streetwalkers in the Big Apple. It seems that all of the city’s prostitutes are no longer receiving their unemployment benefits, since President Trump…Biden Casually Kills Off Two Thirds of Americans
Yesterday, in a speech honoring the late Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Joe Biden took the opportunity to criticize President Trump for his handling of the coronavirus. According to Mr. Biden, by the time he finished his speech, about 200 million Americans, or…Dak Prescott and The Dallas Cowboys Silence The Boo Birds
DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Dallas Cowboys started the game looking more like the Dallas Cowgirls as they fumbled, jumbled, and stumbled as if they were playing on ice. Jerry Jones’ Cowboys acted as if the ball was covered with 30 weight motor…Manchester United fan decides to watch football, so he goes to Liverpool!
Manchester United are supposed to be a giant English football team. However, many of their fans cannot believe they are actually playing the game they are supposed to be playing! Their players kick the ball, yes; they have eleven players on the pi…Trump Moves To Create Tik Tok History Academies in Each State
Donald Trump announced today, with Bitsy Devoss by his side, a plan to create nationwide academies funded by Tik Tok, to teach what he claims to be "correct" American History. "Today, with the help of a Chinese-owned digital giant, we are announci…Second Impeachment Trial For Donald Trump
Ouch! One more time! Donald Trump has secluded himself in the White House, stunned with the revelation that Democrats are mulling over the possibility of a second impeachment trial. So reported a White House source. Maybe even before Christma…Deja Voodoo: Biden Names Kamala Harris For Supreme Court
BILLINGSGATE POST: With the news that Kamala “Breath†Harris had supplanted him for top billing on the Democrat Presidential ticket, Joe Biden returned the favor by choosing her to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court. To put this in…Republicans Are Getting Gosh, Gee Nervous
White House Press Secretary Brian Morgenstern has had his red bullfighter’s cape in hand, and has been flashing it back and forth. How dare the Democrats stop laying down dead, and use politics to fight back. Who do they think they are? Republicans?…A Kentucky Thoroughbred Race Horse Amazingly Gives Birth to Triplets
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The world of thoroughbred racing has been turned upside down as news out of Louisville says that a race horse has given birth to triplets. The odds of a mare having twins is amazing, but giving birth to tri…Man Spent Afternoon Listening To Linton Kwesi Johnson
A man who read of a possible change in the way words in the English language are spelt, has told of how he dreamt up another similar scheme after spending yesterday afternoon listening to the Jamaican reggae poet, Linton Kwesi Johnson. A story on…President Trump Misunderstood The Message Of American History X
Experts analyzing President Donald Trump's tenure in the White House have come to the unanimous conclusion that the whole four years spent leading the country were an unprecedented presidential disaster. But everybody knows that. Even a blind m…Three States Have Banned Gender Reveal Parties
SAN FRANCISCO â€" (Satire News) - The National Department of Forestry has just issued a mandate that, effective immediately, the inconsiderate practice of having gender reveal parties outside using fireworks will be prohibited. The Pismo Beach Purpo…Bernie Sanders Is Set to Accept Secretary of State Position
Bernie Sanders has decided to accept Joseph Biden's offer to become secretary of state in the Biden administration, making him the public figure to the world, Sanders said, Friday. The accord between the two leading figures of the Democratic Party…Donald Trump To Pick Ivanka For Supreme Court
Leaked to the press today by a White House consigliere, (looking for early retirement) Donald Trump decided to select daughter Ivanka for the Supreme Court vacancy created with the death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Tiffany, daughter number two…Music is the devil's only friend
A new scientific study has found that listening to music may have a negative impact on creativity, behavior and mental stability. It contradicts the idea that music is soothing to the mind and helps creativity. The researchers showed, the nega…Man Considering Future In Landscape Gardening
A man who saw his back garden become a lake as it was submerged during a torrential downpour of rain over the weekend, has said he is considering his future employment prospects, and may decide to venture into the world of landscape gardening. Moy…Manchester United Fans' Booing Could Be Heard At Old Trafford
It was a case of 'more of the same' for disgruntled Manchester United fans yesterday, as Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's men kicked off the season in the worst possible way with a 3-1 home drubbing by unfancied Crystal Palace at Old Trafford. And the tortu…Kanye West Has Been Taken To A Funny Farm (Finally!)
POMONA, CALIFORNIA â€" (Satire News) â€" Inside Edition has reported that the man known as Mr. Kim Kardashian has finally been picked up and taken out to a local funny farm. Kanye West, who is an entertainer as well as a self-proclaimed prophet, has t…Chicharito Wants David Beckham to Rejoin The Los Angeles Galaxy
LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports Satire) â€" NBC Sports is reporting that soccer superstar Javier Hernandez, better known as Chicharito (the Little Pea), wants David Beckham to join him on his old team, the Los Angeles Galaxy. The 45-year-old Beckham played fo…(NOT EDITED) Hartlepool, UK, is a town parked on the North Sea coast which nobody has ever heard of apart from 'Hartlepool-ians'. However, last night the global tabloid press sent their reporters there, with drones, because it was reported a massive…
Burma earning praise from human rights activists over humane genocide
The government of Myanmar is earning positive recognition from human rights activists and the United Nations for its humane and cruelty free genocide of the Rohingya people. It’s not just for how they are treating minority groups chosen to be liquida…Ginsburg To Be Stuffed And Mounted On Trigger In Branson Museum
BILLINGSGATE POST: The most famous dead horse in the world will be joined by Ruth Bader Ginsburg at a museum in Branson, Missouri, where Roy Rogers’ faithful steed Trigger is displayed. Trigger was a horse, of course. Like Ginsburg, who graduated…Trump To Veto Gareth Bale Move
Just when Tottenham Hotspur fans thought it was safe to breathe again, and count Real Madrid's wantaway star, Gareth Bale, as one of their own, US president Donald Trump has put the skids under the deal, saying "it cannot happen". Bale, who played…NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Ashburn Wasabi, with The Right Coast Revue, writes that the political phrase “Playing Politics†has never been more appropriate than it is today with the undisputed “King of Hatred†who sits in the White House, at lea…