Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Now Valued At Only £80
The Premer League season may only have kicked off three weeks ago, but after a disastrous weekend for Manchester United, when they were humbled 6-1 by Tottenham Hotspur at Old Trafford, fans are keen to offload 'liability' central defender and captai…Imagine Trump Going Up The Escalator After January 20, 2020
Donald Trump was witnessed going down the escalator in 2015, introducing his racism to the world, then occupying the White House for four years, exercising an agenda of incompetence, to the extent of over 200,000 dead due to the coronavirus. But, in…Trump To Play Toe Banjo For Fans At Walter Reed Hospital
So jacked up with steroids, amphetamines, painkillers, and experimental drugs, Donald Trump is on the high wagon, feeling no pain, even going for a joyride around the block, waving and smiling at everyone. Totally pumped, he asked for his banjo,…President Trump's Corpse Could Be Flown To Saturn
After President Donald Trump tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19 last week, it's been suggested that, if he should succumb to the virus, his remains might be flown to Saturn in a reinforced titanium cask, to prevent the dangerous chemicals…Washington - President Trump is ready to return to the White House after battling the effects of a COVID-19 infection he acquired while unnecessarily celebrating the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the United States Supreme Court in the White Hous…
Presidential Debates To Be Settled By An Election
The controversial series of televised debates between President Donald Trump and his Democratic Party rival, Joe Biden, which have stunned the country with their intense feeling and high-level intellectual arguments, are to be settled with an electio…Amateur Dancers need to boost country's morale, again
Following on from last year, Amateur Dancers, better known for doing something else equally important in the world, are once again looking forward to dancing in front of complete strangers, to lift the morale of a country that is routinely let down b…Donald Trump diagnosed with Schadenfreude’s Disease (and Coronavirus)
A White House spokesman disclosed that President Trump is suffering from Schadenfreude’s Disease. And the Coronavirus. The 74-year-old US president has tweeted to his followers that he feels fine, and is sure he will get through it. Schadenfreu…President Trump’s Doctors Reveal That He Does Not Have a Backbone
BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" Reports coming out of Walter Reed Hospital state that President Trump’s physicians were extremely shocked when they discovered that he doesn't have a backbone. They say they made the discovery within 10 minutes…(NOT EDITED) Three of the so-called top teams in the English Premier League have all been caught with their baggy shorts dangling around their knees and are demanding changes! Liverpool, Man United and City players are begging their clubs to purch…
Gun shops across the country have reported a huge surge in the purchase of weapons and ammunition after it was announced on national TV earlier, that President Donald Trump, cruelly struck down with the Coronavirus earlier in the week, is 'out of dan…
Like Typhoid Annie, Air Force One has become a spreader of Covid-19. Step inside the 747, and you are bound to catch it. The plane is an enclosed environment with air conditioning circulating the virus. Masks, on Air Force One, are frowned upon, so s…
White House Rose Garden to be Renamed “Rona Garden†After Trump SCOTUS Event
Washington - After Donald Trump and the GOP sponsored and attended another White House event during the pandemic, with no social distancing and few masks worn by participants, it became apparent, after several attendees including the President contra…Trump Was Intentionally Infected with the Virus
President Donald Trump’s enemies are certainly gloating with news of his recent diagnosis. In their view, he is getting what he deserves for his personal carelessness and mismanagement of the pandemic. There is, however, good reason to believe that…London Marathon Won By Man With Huge Hard-on
There was a huge controversy at the very end of the 2020 London Marathon this morning, when the winner revealed that he had crossed the finishing line with a stonking erection poking out of his running shorts. The Virtual London Marathon, I mean.President Trump Coronavirus Misdiagnosed
In the aftermath of the news that the most powerful man in the world, President Donald Trump, has tested positive for the deadly Coronavirus, COVID-19, words are coming from the man, himself, that it is yet another case of fake news, and that he's ne…Whatever happened to Eric Pickles?
There was consternation today on a little-listened-to radio station, when DJ Mickey Taker asked the simple question: "Whatever happened to Eric Pickles?" The little-remembered Tory politician seems to have been out of the picture recently, replace…NEWARK, New Jersey â€" (Satire News) â€" Reports are that former New Jersey governor Chris Christie is madder than a spider whose web-making gland isn’t working. Christie, who spoke with the Vox Populi News Agency, admitted that, yes, he is extremely…
Couple shopping in Sainsbury's, now that Laurence Fox isn't
Couple Paul and Antonia Clarke are now going to start shopping in Sainsbury's, as actor, musician, and potential politician Laurence Fox no longer will be. Known for playing second fiddle to Kevin 'Neville from Auf Wiedersehn Pet' Whately, a costl…Is Trump Liable If Supremacists Injure Biden Voters?
The ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg was asked whether she thought if one of the Proud Boys, or a member of the Boogaloo Boys, or any other white supremacists supporters of Trump, were to kill or injure a voter while attempting to cast their Biden vote,…President Trump is Negotiating to Buy Fox News
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" GOPicky Magazine is reporting that President Trump, who has contracted the Coronavirus due to stubbornly refusing to wear a mask, is still wheeling and dealing, but now from his hospital bed. His doctors report t…President Trump To Take Part In Second Presidential Debate From His Sick Bed
After the high drama and the low intellect of the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and his rival, Joe Biden, and the President's subsequent Coronavirus diagnosis, it's been decided that, for the second debate, Trump will take part from…Secret Recording Shows That Melania Trump Hates Christmas, Evangelicals, and Asparagus
CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" The Chicago Daily Wind has received an envelope which contained a secret recording, that was made of First Lady Melania Trump uttering some sailor-like vulgarities. The tape, which was provided by Wikileaks, had Melania r…President Trump is Now Being Given The Experimental Drug Hydrixafibalosis
BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump's personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has just informed the news media that the President has been given a brand new experimental drug that was recently developed high in the Andes mountains of Bol…'Pussy The Octopus' has more brain cells than BOJO!
(NOT EDITED) Although he changes his colors and opinions more times in a day than a chameleon, the UK PM still cannot compete with an Australian octopus nicknamed, Pussy! Tests carried out by a diver swimming among sharks, jelly fish, and other pr…New England Patriots Quarterback Cam Newton Stricken With Painful Jaw Cramps
GILLETTE, Massachusetts â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Reports filtering out of the Patriots camp say that Cam Newton will be placed on the injured reserve list. The flamboyant quarterback is reportedly suffering from what is described as a form of the Carib…Scott Baio is Making A Documentary on President Trump Titled The Man Who Really Should Be King
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Scott Baio, one of Trump’s biggest little ass-kissers, is making a documentary on the 45th president. Baio was interviewed by LaTuna LaTundra at his Hollywood Hills home,…In a somewhat astonishing and confusing announcement made just minutes ago, it has been revealed that President Donald Trump, diagnosed with the Coronavirus, COVID-19, just days ago, is already feeling much better, and is set to be given the 'all-cle…
BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump was flown to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in a U.S. Army Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that they had to use a military helicopte…
(NOT EDITED) In an attempt to manipulate the coming US election, Putin sent one of his spies into the White House, disguised as a sous-chef. Security screening the spy were too busy keeping HIM away from Chancellor Merkel just in case she sneezed on…