Teacher Was Tempted To Fart In Student's Face
A student who was showing off to his friends and indulging in the centuries-old prank of walking close behind a teacher and emulating his every move, ran the very real risk of inviting vengeance on a hitherto-unknown scale, when the teacher briefly c…Biden Seen Leaving Tomb: Claims To Have Suburban Mummy Vote
BILLINGSGATE POST: Pollsters who predicted Sleepy Joe Biden would get the suburban mummy vote were vindicated by reports that heavily-bandaged mummies were seen standing in line to cast their vote for the man who looks like he has spent the past 3,00…In a situation very similar to ones in which many readers will, no doubt, have found themselves, a man in an elevator shattered the perfect silence being observed by its passengers by releasing an extra-loud fart. The pump was so loud, that the li…
Hillary Clinton to shake booty for Biden (and cabinet position) at final rallies up to November 3
It is no rumor that Ms. Clinton has stated (smiling) she is looking forward to a cabinet position in Joe Biden's presidency. Moreover, Mr. Biden's rallies have left a somewhat pallid impression as having relatively few supporters and a certain dra…Man Doesn't Know Where Washington, D.C. Is
A man who is almost totally ignorant of 'anything American' has revealed that, although he regularly reads things about Washington, D.C. on the internet, he was oblivious to where the city was situated, and could not have pointed it out on a map.After listening to Classic Gold on Radio Arse and Elbow, a man about town, Raymond Ving, has hit a brick wall. 'Life by Desreee came on the radio, and suddenly my life doesn't make sense any more.' In order to help Raymond with his quandary, ca…
In his latest U-turn, Boris Johnson has heralded herd immunity as the golden path to obliterating the coronavirus. "I will no longer tolerate this sanctimonious deference and Pecksniffian capitulation with regard to Covid 19. I will not allow a fe…
Man Pedals 6 Miles On Wrong Side Of Road, In Attempt To Find Shoe
A young girl who had fallen asleep on the family motorbike, and whose shoe had slipped from her foot whilst she was in repose, had her father to thank for its retrieval, after he pedalled more than 6 miles on the wrong side of the road to search for…How many of these generic Christmas films have you watched on Sony Christmas Movies?
Although it is the end of October, two channels have been showing non-stop Christmas films since the beginning of the month. How many of these generic movie themes do you recognise? 1) A Miser is shown the error of his ways 2) A very rich man…Millions of Ice Cube’s Fans Tell Him Too Just Shut Up and Sing
CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" One thing that just about everyone is truly tired of, is these privileged celebrities who go around kissing the asses of politicians. Case in point, as reported by Hollywood Hors D’oeuvres, Ice Cube, the rapper, is losing…Father of three Raymond Ving and his esteemed wife Caroline have no idea who anyone is on Strictly Come Dancing, as neither of them has any time for watching television. Speaking to us earlier, he said: 'I don't know any of these people. I mean, I…
Germany forbids people calling autumn leaves 'yellow' because Asian people might be offended!
(NOT EDITED) The utilisation of colors describing 'things' has become so sensitive that even natural occurrences are g suffering. In Germany they are busy rewriting the dictionary deleting many things, which are described by their colors, and it is p…The Dallas Cowboys Are Getting Worse, and Worse, and Worse
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Well the infamous “Play From Behind†Dallas Cowboys have stuck to their new playbook game plan of digging themselves in a hole early in the game and then having to play “Catch-Up.†Sports Territory Magazine is…PYONGYANG, North Korea â€" (World Satire) â€" Kim Jong-un, the leader of North Korea, and alleged secret boyfriend, of Donald J. Trump, proudly announced to the people of North Korea that Trumpy is his man. He quickly added that he did not mean his ma…
Trump Suggests Blowing up Hoover Dam to Stop Colorado Wildfires
The current administration has come up with yet another brilliant idea, in its string of brilliant ideas, regarding dealing with national emergencies and disasters. This time, it’s an ingenious concept of solving the problem of Colorado wildfires.Who Pays Trump's Campaign Fuel Fee For Air Force One?
The public watches Donald Trump fly from city to city in a desperate attempt to salvage his doomed campaign for re-election. Who is paying for Air Force One's fuel? Rumor is, his campaign is broke, and buddies on Wall Street won’t chip in with a l…The University of Texas Longhorn Band Says That Their Football Fight Song is Racist
AUSTIN â€" (Satire News) â€" The university’s assistant band director Chris Del Monte-Corn, said that the football fight song “The Eyes of Texas†is as racist as David Duke, Ann Coulter, and Donald Trump. Del Monte-Corn spoke with a reporter with The…It isn’t fair to call Donald Trump a sissy just because he claimed bone spurs or because he spends more time on hair and makeup than reading his President's Daily Brief or PDB, but some people are saying so. Walking out of the Leslie Stahl inter…
Dapper men throughout the country are being reminded that November, is, as it has always been, the Cravat month of the year. Adrian Rathbone, from new publication Cravat Wearer's Monthly, told us: 'It is not a well-known fact, but November is actu…
Chair Fabric Has Ripped, And Stuffing Is Coming Out
An adjustable reclining easy chair that has provided relaxing comfort at an affordable price since it was purchased in 2012, has finally started to show its age, and, after its fabric upholstery was accidentally ripped by children, the stuffing is no…Man picking unnecessary fights on Social media, again
Antagonistic, untalented and egotistical man about the town, Charlie Braithwaite has been picking fights with anyone on social media. 'I am always right about everything,' said the deluded fool, 'and in my 27 years of always being right, I have ye…Chelsea war veteran OAP's offer their services to help Lampard energize his £250 million team!
ZZZZZZZZZZZ was the only conclusion watching one of the most utter boring 0-0 footy games played out at the empty colosseum presently called; The Theatre of Nightmares! The visiting team resembled a bunch of lost frightened rabbits blinded by floo…World Record For Buses Arriving At Same Time Smashed
There was cause for celebration in Bangkok this morning, as the record for buses arriving at the same time was not only broken, but smashed to smithereens, as no less than 5 service 140 buses turned up at Victory Monument simultaneously. The servi…New documentary shows the horrors of war documentaries
Geoff Surname remembers the first time he watched the War History channel, at the age of 17. He and many of his pals were gleeful at discovering a channel which showed nothing but war documentaries. They were happy to sign up, little knowing that man…How is your pumpkin? How is it as it faces the last few precious days of life with an unmarked face and all of its flesh? October is always a tough time for the humble pumpkin. It is bad enough for the pumpkin that is used and provides some ghouli…
China Reveals That President Trump Owns Three Fortune Cookie Factories
SHANGHAI, China â€" (Satire News) â€" China’s Rice News Agency has revealed that President Trump is the sole owner of three fortune cookie factories. According to government records, the President purchased the three factories a mere two months after…BROOKLYN â€" (Satire News) â€" Fox News is reporting that President Trump has said that, if he loses the election, he will simply refuse to vacate the White House. The so-called 'Fair and Balanced' network pointed out that the President remarked that…
As the planet turns, and we reach yet another annual 'must do', it seems as though OAPs living the last part of their lives don't give a shit about time, or putting clocks back. One 93-year-old OAP residing in Nottingham, forgot to put his clock…
Sky Sports to add simulated fan abuse
Sky Sports have announced plans to include racist, homophobic, sexualized and other hateful slurs to enliven viewers' experiences, starting with next weekend's Premier League football broadcasts. "Our research uncovered strong viewer demand for an…Kate Gosselin Reveals She’s Going To Have Her Vagina Tattoo Lasered Off
WERNERSVILLE, Pennsylvania â€" (Satire News) â€" According to iRumors, Kate Gosselin is one of the most widely-viewed reality show stars of all time. The 45-year-old blonde mother of eight has starred in such reality shows as “Jon and Kate Plus Eight