Global Warming: Man’s Seasonal Depression Worse Every Year
A local man announced on Monday that he feels his seasonal depression gets worse and worse every year, and scientists say this is yet another effect of global warming. Michael Blackstone, 31, says that his depression is most severe when daylight…FBI Estimates 31 Million Russians in US
WASHINGTON DC - Early in the 2016 Election Year, US Intelligence Agencies began investigations for Russian influence. Democrats often blame the Hillary Presidential Election Loss on CIA incompetence. Initially, the most convincing evidence for Donald…Movie Fan Has Seen 'Leon' Four Times In The Last Month
Watching movies is a perfect way to relax for some people, who settle down on the couch in the evening with something to eat and drink, and - perhaps - some 'company'. But when the movie is one you've seen before, the fun can go out of the experie…President Trump Hatched Mexican Wall Idea After Reading About Hadrian's Wall
As we reach the critical point in the US presidential campaign, and possibly the decline of politics as we know it, it's been claimed that President Donald Trump first hatched the idea of a 'Mexican Wall' after first reading a story about Hadrian's W…CORN SHUCK, Iowa â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump, hot on his Campaign of Hate Tour, spoke before a paltry crowd of 92 people in Corn Shuck, Iowa, home of nothing but cornfields and corn farmers. He told the audience that corn is his most favorit…
Man Is Always Right, Even When He Isn't
It's been revealed how a writer who has a short fuse and a quick temper, and who regularly gets into arguments with people who don't agree with him, is always right, even when he's wrong. The man, John Lesson, could start an argument in an empty h…Yoyoing is now accepted as the only sport Manchester United can win anything playing!
(NOT EDITED) After their rather sad and pathetic attempts to kick a ball in any form of forward movement, the Manchester United manager, Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, has decided to abolish his diamond-shaped-tactics and teach his multi-millionaire-footy-stars…Mr Richard Head, also known as Dick, has formed a new political party to fight against Covid-19 lockdowns. “It’s an Englishman’s right to associate with whomsoever and wherever he wishes. My association with Miss Potts of Lavender Cottages was purely…
Cardi B Says North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un Has a Big Crush on Her
BRONX, New York â€" (Satire News) â€" Rapper Cardi B recently confided to Andy Cohen with the Bravo Network, that the leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, has the hots for her. The rap artist said that she received a text message from the North Korean…Trump To Declare Victory Election Night
Donald Trump, the national screw up, plans to declare victory on election night even before the total number of votes are counted. Networks are planning to go black if he attempts this, or to continue with their round table discussions, ignoring Trum…(NOT EDITED) A Big Brother, born in 1984, not 1980, who oversees every single grammatic mistake written by moronic 'Spoofers' who cannot write 'correct' English has decided, "enough is enough!" Big Brother now demands an 'on-line' university entra…
PHILADELPHIA â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that watching his team lose to the Philadelphia Eagles 23-9, was like watching a high school football game, what with all the trick plays his team used. He pointed out to Hercu…
Vice-President Mike Pence Confesses That Even if Trump Wins, He is Going to Retire
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" According to GOPicky Magazine, Vice-President Mike Pence has commented that he is so fed up with the mean, racist, hate-filled rhetoric of President Trump, that he plans to retire - even if Trump wins. Cahoots Wy…Pelosi's “Biden will be president whatever the vote count†clarified as emission vs. sedition
Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has ripped open a new controversy on who might be fiddling with election results. Last Thursday, she stated that Mr. Biden will be president come next January 21, “whatever the vote count.†The key considerat…Editor Criticized By 'Writer' For Editing
The editor of a satirical news website has been severely reprimanded for his behavior whilst carrying out his duties, by one of the site's writers who is, judging by the colorful language he used, upset. Moys Kenwood, of TheSpoof.com, has been add…Spanner-wielding crim strikes in Slovakia
The capital of Slovakia, Bratislava, today witnessed an unusual crime when a grocery shop was robbed by a spanner wielding thief intent on snaring the day's takings. The hooded individual was believed to be carrying a number eight spanner, and, in…Fly Face Predicts Trump Victory By A Gnat’s Ass
BILLINGSGATE POST: Fly Face, who has successfully predicted the outcome of every election since Patrice Emery Lumumba was elected as the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1960, now predicts that Donald Tru…Norwegian village to allow spanners
People living in a small village in Norway have lifted a ban on number 12 spanners that had been in place for twenty-seven years. The restriction was introduced to stop foreign workers using the tool in contravention of the Norwegian constitution.Man Finds Strange Coincidence In Book
There was an extraordinary coincidence this morning, when a man reading a book noticed that the date on which events in the story were taking place, were doing so on 1 November, which was said to be a Sunday - just exactly as it is today, Sunday, the…Popular Etsy vendor Fashion Forward announced, yesterday, a product called The Barrier, "a bold and stylish bodysuit designed to swathe you in a cotton-spandex blend for comfort and complete safety from both the coronavirus and everybody on the other…
The All-Girl Heavy Metal Russian Rock Band Pussy Riot Says That Meghan Markle is a Big Fan
CLEVELAND â€" (Satire News) â€" The Russian female rock band, Pussy Riot, recently performed at the old Nellie Fox Drive-In Theater in downtown Cleveland. They and the 900 audience members all wore masks, self-distanced 6-feet, and promised not to cou…IQ Tests Will Be Required For Future Presidential Nominees
Now that the national nightmare of the Trump White House occupation is almost over, a new Supreme Court decision has been quietly signed into law. In the future, all presidential nominees will be required to take an IQ test as part of their physical…President Trump Says He’ll Pay Ever Poor Person Who Votes For Him $35
OIL SLICK, Pennsylvania â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump held a campaign rally in Oil Slick, Pennsylvania, home of the largest Preparation H factory in the nation. POTUS told the mask-less crowd that, when elected, he is going to build a private…Liam Neeson 'Taken 4' Performance "Exceptional"
Fans of the 'Taken' movies will be interested to learn that the fourth film in the series, 'Taken 4: A Ride' will be released into cinemas a week on Monday, 9 November, or 9/11. Liam Neeson once again plays Bryan Mills, the former CIA operative wh…Trump Does Not Want To Win Reelection
Donald Trump does not want to win reelection. He’s done everything to abuse the office, alienate supporters, create chaos with the Constitution, confuse our allies, scientists, even calling doctors thieves. Still, the crowds keep showing up and cheer…NEW YORK CITY â€" CNN host Don “Rainbow†Lemon recently told fellow host Chris Cuomo that he has never known a man who hates women more than President Trump does. He pointed out that POTUS hates Senator Elizabeth Warren, Michigan Governor Gretchen W…
Kim Kardashian Says That None of The Kardashians Will Be Voting For Kanye West
CALABASAS, California â€" (Satire News) â€" Kim Kardashian told Bravo’s Andy Cohen that every member of her family, including their grandmother, and second cousin once-removed, will be voting for Vice-President Joe Biden. She was asked by Cohen why sh…Report Shows US Economy Boosted by Arson and Violence
WASHINGTON DC - Democrats continue to claim credit for any and all positive economic news. Career bureaucrats at various agencies in the US Capitol determined that President Trump's opposition to ANTIFA will hurt economic recovery. As US GDP accelera…NASCAR Driver Suspended For Being A Trump Fan
CRACKERHEAD, Georgia â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Sports Bet Gazette has just announced that NASCAR driver Smokey “Bubba†Butterhouse has just been suspended, and will not drive in next week’s 87th Annual Crackerhead Saltine Crackers 200 Auto Race. An…President Trump is Mad at The World Because He Knows Melania Is Getting Ready to Divorce Him
MIAMI â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump somehow found the time to play golf at his own Trump Doral Golf Course. CNN reports that he rode around in a golf cart that the American taxpayers paid for, while millions of Americans are unemployed, and wi…