Obama slated to take long vacation
Washington DC Swamp. President Obama, worn out from running the shadow government, is planning an extended vacation, now that a “real†president has been “electedâ€. Rumor has it that the US government will pay all expenses and provide maximum s…A man who is a frequent contributor to a satirical news website has revealed how, after nearly fourteen years as a member, he has written his very first - and, quite possibly, last - joke for the site. Many, many moons ago, all the way back in Dec…
The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #9: The Dugong
The dugong is severely uninteresting. Its name is uninteresting; its appearance is uninteresting; and, by God, everything else about it is just as uninteresting - if not more so. For a start, the name 'dugong' has a rather uninteresting ring to it…Biden Presidency In Doubt As List Of 'Potential Injuries' Grows
There was mounting tension in Washington today, as, after his accident on Saturday, when President-elect Joseph Biden twisted his ankle in an incident involving one of his dogs, his medical team set about taking precautionary measures to try to ensur…Brit 'spiffing PM' confuses 'Lockdown' with 'Countdown' in his jumbled up bubble!
(NOT EDITED) Many Brit voters are now pondering over their decision to put 'spiffing' Boris Johnson into power as Christmas approaches. Oxford English language professors are being invited to Nr.10 Downing Street in an attempt to untangle the PM's sc…Man Arrived At Work Only To Be Told To Go Home Again
A man who arrived at work this morning, only to be told that he should go home again because the government had just announced a second lockdown, has said he was well and truly pissed off, because his wife, who had brought him to work on her motorbik…Hulk Hogan is Down To 147 Pounds
VENICE BEACH, California â€" (Sports Satire) â€" In the ‘It’s So Sad Department’, the once-great WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan is no longer a hulk. According to Hogan’s dentist, Dr. Marzo Glittyhop, the once-world-renowned wrestler, whose wrestling weight…An 18-Wheeler in Georgia Overturns Spilling Tons of Guacamole Dip
ROTTEN PEACHES, Georgia â€" (Satire News) â€" An 18-wheeler Kroger trailer truck overturned on the General Robert E. Lee Highway, just outside of the little town of Rotten Peaches, Georgia, spilling guacamole dip all over the place. Luckily, the drive…The Denver Broncos Sign Tim Tebow
DENVER â€" (Sports Satire) â€" There is extreme joy in the Rocky Mountains today, as the Denver Broncos have just signed Tim Tebow to be their new starting quarterback. Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine, reported that the man who made “Tebowing†a nat…Trump Rails At Judges As They Reject His Voter Fraud Claims
Court after court, or judge after judge is rejecting Donald Trump’s claims of voter fraud. Imagine! It’s either a vast Judicial conspiracy or Trump doesn’t have a leg or false vote to stand on. And the courts were so terrific about not releasing his…Trump To Have Surgery To Make His Hands Bigger
LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) â€" The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that President Trump has consulted one of the nation’s leading hand doctors. 5T stated that a source inside the White Folks House said that POTUS wants to have his tiny toddl…God Denies Involvement In Maradona Hand Of God Goal
In a revealing moment earlier today which will undoubtedly send shockwaves all through the Buenos Aires baristas, the Supreme Being, God, has spoken out to deny any and all responsibility for assisting Argentina's Diego Maradona in the scoring of his…It Ain’t Over Till The Fat Lady Sings
So how’s Trump’s singing voice? Anyone hear him sing The Star Spangled Banner? Jingle Bells? Happy Birthday? It’s about time he started singing and congratulated Joe Biden for winning the election, taking over Air Force One, and kicking him out of th…Christmas Is Coming On January 20th
Forget December 25th; the real Christmas is coming on January 20th when Donald Trump is out, gone, evicted, removed from the White House, and replaced by the elected President Joseph Biden. Goodbye hysterical, crackpot tweets, written in a vindic…Centipede Scared Family Shitless
A quiet night in front of the TV spent watching a movie was ruined beyond redemption for one family last night, when, in the midst of their viewing, a gruesome impostor invaded their living room, and scared the living daylights out of them. The Ke…The Madame Tussaud Wax Museum Has Removed Trump’s Wax Likeness
PARIS â€" (Satire News) â€" The director of the famed Madame Tussaud Wax Museum has informed the news media that they have had to stop exhibiting the wax likeness of President Donald Trump due to financial reasons. Museum director Jean Franz L’Epinard…Maria Sharapova Wants To Buy a Soccer Team
MANHATTAN BEACH, California - (Sports Satire) â€" Maria Sharapova, one of the greatest female tennis players of all-time, says that the rumors of her wanting to buy a professional soccer team are, in fact, true. The statuesque, 6-foot-2-inch tennis…London Full Of 'Facking Cants'
In sensational news coming out of the capital this morning, it's been claimed that, although it sees itself as the centre of modern business and finance, political tradition and progressive governance, the arts and all cultural thinking, London is ab…Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US
Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number of other novelt…Media Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News
The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets. New York Times Company, owner of the New York Times (duh) lost 25% of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually…Maradona's obituaries "greatest of all time"
Many obituaries aspire to greatness, but few can match the memorials this week for lard-arsed coke-fiend Diego Maradona, who died aged 60. "I couldn't believe what I was reading," said death expert Geoff Ashes. "It's what we in the business call l…German farm cat re-named after watching Tyson box his way out of a wet paper bag!
Cats can be quite extraordinary, especially if they are allowed to watch telly! One German farm feline sneaked in the back door last night and secretly watched 'Iron Mike Tyson' punching fresh air against an opponent, who many years ago, would have l…Supreme Court Declares Trump Winner
President Trump's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner. Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud. The lower courts universally rejected Trump's claims of vot…German Food Study Concludes Hamburgers Are From Hamburg
In what's being called the most miraculous set of coincidences, researchers in Germany have discovered where some of the country's most popular foods originated, and have published their findings in a major scientific journal, it's been reported.Lady Gaga Says She Does Not Have a Penis
BROOKLYN â€" (Satire News) â€" For years and years, many pundits and fans have speculated that Lady Gaga was really a male who managed to suppress her male member. Lady Gaga says she has denied that rumor at least 3,000 times. She told RumorLand News…Lynyrd Skynyrd Cover Band Dies in Plane Crash
GILLSBURG, MISSISSIPPI â€" The plane flying a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band has crashed in the woods in a small town in Mississippi. Several members of the band, Curtis Lowe and the Saturday Night Specials, have reportedly died as a result of the crash.Trump Hates His New Nickname #Loser
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Vox Populi is reporting that several of President Trump’s golfing buddies are making fun of the fact that he is livid at the media, who have given him a new nickname: #Loser. He insists that he really did not los…A White House Insider Reveals Trump Will Flee the Country on January 19
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A highly-respected White House insider has overheard President Trump telling Michael Flynn and Kayleigh McEnany, that there is no way on earth he is going to go to prison. POTUS, who is in deep shit, as they say…If Trump Slanders You, You’re Doing Something Right
Donald Trump has a habit of trying to slander his critics and even someone who out-sines him. Out-shines? That’s just about everyone except for Giuliani. They are equals. Take Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. After raising five children, she r…Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders In Cheering Glitch
In a mix-up of gargantuan proportions, the Washington Redskins overwhelmed their rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, consigning them to yet another embarrassing loss, but there was controversy all the way through the contest, with the Dallas cheerleading tea…