Face Mask Blown Off Face By Strong Gust Of Wind
There was surprise and not a little anger in one locality this morning, as the progress of a man strolling through the streets minding his own business was suddenly arrested when a strong gust of wind blew his face mask from his face, and onto the pa…A lady who is a Republican member of the US House of Representatives has threatened to put a bullet in the head of the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi. This same lady announced that she wanted former president, Barack Obama…
National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships Start Thursday
There was great excitement amongst ardent cycling fans this morning, when it was announced that the Cambodian National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships will be commence in Battambang on Thursday morning, from 5 am onwards, and will end only when someb…Fish caught swimming on German motorway!
(NOT EDITED) Due to heavy rains bombarding certain parts of Germany strange occurrences have been spotted on a motorway between Cologne and Bonn. The motorway runs parallel to the River Rhine, and although flood-barriers have been erected, the Rhine…Though impeachment proceedings loom, the outcome is already known, and Republicans are planning quite a show. No point spending money on external shysters when events warrant a jubilant internal shindig on the part of the GOP. They're sure not gonna…
PM attempts to applaud for Captain Tom
Captain Sir Tom Moore, 100, passed away yesterday of Covid, dying in a hospital run by the very health service that he raised so much money for. "He was an old man," said Boris Johnson. "Very old, indeed. And he was, of course, a man. Captain Tom…Trees Not Quite So Green This Year
It may be global warming, climate change, or environmental change, it could be any two of these, or even all three of them, but something is happening out in the sticks, claims one man who says that, in his neck of the woods, at least, the trees aren…Mafia Lawyer turning down Donald Trump
Mafia lawyer Joey 'The Enforcer' Santiago has turned down the chance to work with Donald Trump. 'I know where the bodies are, where the fish are, and the best purveyors of concrete overcoats,' said Santiago, 'but there is no way I will be defendin…Washington D.C. - A conservative political party that prides itself on fighting the liberal "Cancel Culture", a movement which seeks to disenfranchise those who disagree with them, and eliminate any exchange of ideas deemed politically incorrect, has…
Science Teacher Tells Student: "It's Not Rocket Science!"
A school student who kept bothering his science teacher with irrelevant, not to say 'irreverent', questions about space travel in a lesson that was, instead, on the topic of 'Matter' - which was somewhat difficult to understand - was told by the teac…A savvy mum has revealed how she manages to serve her severely malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week. Roberta Simons, 39, from Birmingham, manages to feed her starving family on a budget using simple store cupboard…
McDonald’s Loses Special Sauce Recipe; Big Mac Sales Halted
OAK BROOK, IL â€" In a stunning blow to an iconic American food product, McDonald’s Corporate Headquarters has announced that they have lost the recipe for the World-Renowned Special Sauce, the result being that sales of the Big Mac have been halted ac…Biden To Ban Pygmy-Dwarf Tossing
BILLINGSGATE POST: With his forty-first executive order, President Biden banned the use of Pygmy-dwarfs in any games which utilize little people under four feet tall in a game similar to dart throwing - except, instead of using darts, the contesta…British fishing vessels may gain access to the Pacific
The UK government have announced their intention to join a major trading bloc for the first time since leaving the EU. The Trans-Pacific Partnership is a trading agreement between eleven nations including Japan, Mexico and New Zealand, who intend to…Trump Senate Lawyers Offer 6 Word Defense, Then Rest: "What About Hillary, What About Antifa"
Washington D.C. - The week-long impeachment trial of former president Donald Trump concluded on Friday, when lawyers for the disgraced head of state wrapped up the trial in the Senate with just six words: "What about Hillary, what about Antifa".Man Watching Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day
Barry Heckingthwaite has spent the day watching Groundhog Day because it is Groundhog Day. The 1990s film favourite stars Bill Murray acting, and Andie McDowell simpering, and was a relative hit when first released. Still, its storyline of a man r…Original Jesus's sandals found in German priest's foot-locker!
(NOT EDITED) A wicked smell was detected coming out of an ancient priest's foot-locker deep down in Pruem Cathedral's catacomb. Pruem is a town lodged between green hills faraway in the Eifel area of Germany. Locals have always wondered why such a…Senator Joseph McCarthy visits from Lower Belmarsh Hades Lot 46 Cell #19
Incredible developments continue to shape our world. Vaccines that used to take several years to develop are now available in a few months. A new "political science" for the covid epidemic has emerged. Even more astonishing--breaking: Co…Louis Gohmert Files Charges in East Texas Accusing Hillary Clinton of Being a "Whatabout"
Tyler, Texas - U.S. Congressman Louis Gohmert filed charges at the courthouse here, yesterday, accusing former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton of involving herself in multiple illegal activities, including participating in "Whatabou…Scotland's alternative vaccine
The people of Scotland, like the rest of the UK, are suffering during lockdown. But the Scottish government may be about to put a huge smile on their faces. First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has prescribed three grams of heroin to every man, woman an…Environment Minister for Floods, Noah Zark, says, “It’s not building new houses and concreting over everything that creates floods, you know. It’s the rain.†Developers and major builders, worried about a recession in their industry, have urged th…
Trump Barred from Living in Mar-A-Lago, Will Build Compound in Guyana for Family and Worshippers
Mar-A-Lago, Florida - Former President Donald Trump, rebuffed by his neighbors in West Palm Beach who refused to allow him and his camp followers to settle at his Mar-A-Lago resort here, has announced he will purchase a plot of land in Guyana to buil…Student Denied Third Visit To Toilet In Same Lesson Spurts Diarrhoea Over Wide Area
There was controversy at a local primary school earlier today, when a male student who had already paid two visits to the toilet during his science lesson, was denied a third visit by his frustrated teacher, and was made to pay dearly for the consequ…Punxsutawney Phil Defers Ground Hog Forecast to Maringouin Mike.
Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…Snoring in hospital beds is to be forbidden!
(NOT EDITED) Anti-snoring groups are protesting outside German hospitals in an attempt to make it a crime to snore during time spent in wards. "Snoring is a crime and should be forbidden!" Sensitive ex-patients have been observed screaming, "Snor…NEW YORK â€" (Sports Satire) â€" NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones excellent suggestion. Jones suggested to the commissioner that, in order to embrace the ever-improving electronic advances in today’s fast-paced…
Kim Jong-un Says He and Donald Trump Have Broken Up
Pyongyang, North Korea â€" Rice Paddy News has confirmed that public citizen Donald Trump and the second most powerful leader in the world, Kim Jong-un, are no longer a couple. The North Korean leader said that he gave Trump his engagement ring back…Elon Musk’s New Planetary Telescope is The Most Powerful in The World
HOUSTON, Texas â€" (Satire News) â€" The richest man in the world, Elon Musk has just developed the amazing Musk Busybody Planetary Telescope, which he has nicknamed "Ringo". The entrepreneur, who is the father of the Tesla, the SpaceX Starship, and…Former Los Angeles Lakers role player J.R. Smith was found Saturday in a storage facility at the Disney Bubble complex near Orlando, more than 3 months after the conclusion of 2019-2020 season, expecting there to be still one more round of playoffs.
Cuomo and Newsom can twirl; but can they hop?
Analysts say the two foremost governors, in charge of martializing the society at the cost of businesses dying, suicides, and other abuses, appear to be shifting their positions now that Trump is gone. Mr. Cuomo of New York and Mr. Newsom of Calif…