Liverpool Goalkeeper In Alleged Betting Scandal
As the winners of last year's Premier League title, Liverpool were strongly backed to repeat that feat this year, and, after beating Crystal Palace 7-0 on 19 December, not many people would have bet against them. But one man did. Alisson is his…Donald Trump Announces 3rd Divorce
Stop the presses! This is a surprise. Guess who is getting a divorce? Donald Trump! But here's the real surprise: it isn’t from Melania, but from, of all people, Rudolph Giuliani! It was the dripping hair color. Soooo un-Trump! One inch, maybe. I…Family Giving up Pancakes for Lent
Generic middle-class family the Johnsons, from Chutney on the Fritz, have announced for the seventh year in a row that, for Lent, they will all be giving up pancakes. 'Yes,' said husband and dad, Gary: 'We have decided that, during Lent, we will n…A fan of the late comedian Freddie Starr has claimed that her pet hamster, Vince, ate her rare Freddie Starr action figure after escaping from his cage at her home in Birchwood, Cheshire. Distraught Lisa Salton told friends that Vince had gnawed h…
Because today is Pancake Day, man about town David Herington Smythe, from Mithering on the Trent, is calling everyone a tosser. 'It is just my little joke,' said David. 'I say it every Shrove Tuesday, and it just never fails to make me laugh.'…
The Trump Runner vs Wile E Biden
BILLINGSGATE POST: This begins a series, that will, from time to time, chronicle the epic battle between the Trump Runner and Wile E Biden. In the Sonoran Desert, where stately Saguaro cacti stand sentinel over Gila monsters, tarantulas and scorp…Great Having A President Who Can Cross His Knees
Instead of having an executive sitting on a sofa with a wide-open man-spread barn door, it's neat to see President Joe Biden easily cross his legs at the knee. And the hair? What kind of personality defect produces that repeated aberration? Remember…Cristiano Ronaldo To Wear Leather Thong Under His Shorts
Cristiano Ronaldo, for years, the pin-up boy of European football, is in the news again this week, after he announced on social media that, from next week, he will start to wear a black leather thong underneath his football shorts. The Juventus s…Anti-Statue Zealots Deface Lincoln Memorial
National Mall, Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. Early this morning, on President's Day, activists from the various groups that have been toppling Confederate statues invaded the Lincoln Memorial on the National Mall and vandalized the monume…Car skids on black ice and cures driver's back agony!
(NOT EDITED) Monschau, Germany: Treacherous black ice was causing considerable delays and accidents in the Eifel Region of Germany. However, every dark cloud, filled with sleet, has a silver lining! Jo Johannson, of British decent, but now 'Double…Liverpool Boss Jurgen Klopp Facing Sack
There was drama brewing on Merseyside this evening after it became known that the Liverpool board of directors had arranged an emergency meeting at Anfield on Tuesday afternoon with the team's German coach, Jurgen Klopp. Last season's champions ar…Mayan Professor Predicts End Of World: “Will Not Survive Biden Administrationâ€
BILLINGSGATE POST: It’s not easy to predict the end of the world. Not just because no one will be around to validate the prediction, but because very few colleges offer courses on the subject. Other than La Fontaine College, the Harvard of the Carib…Melting snow causes flood in hikers boot!
(NOT EDITED) German hikers setting out in a snowstorm did not expect a sudden rise in temperatures. At 06.00 AM the snow and ice was still frozen. However, after six-hours hiking in the Black Forest, Germany, suddenly the snow underfoot started to me…Donald Trump emerged victorious from his second impeachment trial on Sunday, happy with his exoneration, but told the world's media that he was angry about the choice of wording used after the result. Trump, 74, told attendant journalists: "I…
Who says it was an acquittal? The verdict was 57 to 43. There’s a 14 point difference. In a football game, that would have been a loss. Even Donald Trump can see it wasn’t a unanimous win or a real victory. In the world of Albert Einstein, Galile…
The Valentine's Day tradition that gets the cream
Many Valentine's Day traditions are modern, commercial and trashy - the giving of cards, the pressure to send flowers - these are all recent inventions. Yet there is one popular tradition that is still going and started all the way back with St Valen…Doublespeak dot com awards program banned by Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, Google et al
Doublespeak dot com's offer of prizes for the best samples of Washington double-speak has run afoul of watchdogs for the nation's OPN (officially preferred narrative). The Establishment--billionaires, press, and their government representatives--n…The World’s First Transgender Sumo Wrestler Gets Her Ass Kicked
KAGOSHIMA, Japan â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Saki-Saki News Agency has stated that the world’s first transgender wrestler, Yamaha Wasabi, 37, has lost for the first time in her 12-month career. Wasabi, who weighs a whopping 521 pounds, was clobbered b…American Idol Is Back For Season 19 With a Bang
GULFPORT, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) â€" TV’s top-rated singing show, American Idol, has returned for its 19th season, and there were some interesting contestants. AI's host, Ryan Seacrest, sported a brand new $2,000 hairdo, while Katy Perry was dr…Man's Wife Has Left Him And Run Off With Her Dildo
A man who hit upon the unusual idea of buying his wife a dildo as a gift for St. Valentine's Day, has told 'friends' on social media that she has now run off and left him, in order to start a new life in Europe with her 'pleasure stick'. She is th…A child's doll whose leg came off several weeks ago has at last been repaired by the father of its owner, it has been reported. The doll, Malina, which can be seen in the graphic above, is the property of young Delma Kenwood, aged 5, who, in tempe…
Elon Musk is Building The World’s Most Amazing Floating Asteroid Belt Station
HOUSTON â€" (Satire News) â€" Reports coming out of Houston state that the richest man in the world, Elon Musk, is in the process of building what will be a truly astonishing Floating Asteroid Belt Station. The station named Vesuvius, after his pet sa…A missing needle that was the focus of an intensive search being conducted in the East Yorkshire area this morning, has turned up, as its finder expected it would, in a haystack. The search for the needle was undertaken yesterday afternoon by Myke…
Washington D.C. - Lawyers for Donald Trump took center stage on Friday at his impeachment trial, and immediately claimed that the President's speech on January 6th, to a crowd of supporters whipped into a frenzy by Trump's claim that the election was…
Man Has Got His Wife A Dildo For Valentine's Day
A man who was looking for an unusual and novel St. Valentine's Day gift for his wife, has gone for the jackpot this year, after revealing to workmates that he has got her a 12-inch black dildo. Ron Lummox, 40, hit upon the brilliant idea as he bro…After watching the films of the January 6, Capitol invasion by "that group of hoodlums" (Trump’s words), and hearing his January 6 speech in front of the White House, Donald J. Trump confessed in tears that he was guilty, yes guilty of inciting the m…
Just as Donald Trump threw rolls of paper towels to flood victims, the Republican Senate (except for seven Senators) threw Donald Trump 43 rolls of paper towels. He certainly must have been more grateful than the flood victims. Now he can run aga…
Public Hoping That Cult Leader Will be Convicted by a Jury, Half of Which Consists of His Followers
Washington D.C. - In a week-long trial of a former President and leader of the Trumpist cult, the American public, who recently, according to polls, decided he was guilty of fomenting violence against the country's democratic system of government, pl…Working Class Knobhead Accused Of Being 'Upper Class Twit'
In a misjudgement of humongous proportions, a man who, if he categorizes himself as being anything at all, classes himself as being a working class idiot, has been accused by another man of being an 'upper class twit'. The accusation arose earlier…Morphine tablets cause erection instability!
(NOT EDITED) Slipped discs, plus other agonising ailments, are often treated by doctors prescribing painkillers. However, their side effects, albeit painless, can cause other strange reactions to the male body scientists have discovered! Females s…