Man Was Forced To Endure Excrutiating Wait Outside Bathroom
A man who was absolutely desperate to use the toilet and who was made to wait outside the bathroom by his wife and daughter who were having a shower, has revealed how 'nipping his cheeks in' caused him extreme discomfort, as well as a good degree of…Man Doesn't Give A Flying Fuck About Space Exploration
Space, the race to the stars, boldly going where no man has gone before, and the colonization of other planets - the stuff of dreams! But not for one man, who spoke up loudly this week, saying that, as far as he was concerned, he really couldn't…Man Defers Wank For Another Time
A Fort Lauderdale man postponed a highly anticipated wank after realizing that he ran the risk of getting caught in the act by either his wife, his daughter or the guy who 'does the garden'. The man, whose identity cannot be revealed, had planned…Editor To Anticipate Stories, And Publish Them Without Writer Having Written Them
A chance, off-the-cuff remark from one of its leading contributors has led to one saitirical news website announcing that its editor will, in the future, approve, correct, and publish submissions BEFORE they have even escaped from the tiny minds of t…Mars landing is a massive marketing hoax claim inhabitants of other planets in our solar system!
(NOT EDITED) Aliens inhabiting planets in our solar system are up-in-arms (We don't quite know how many arms aliens have) because they believe the Mars landing was a fake, massive publicity stunt, sponsored by a transvestite Bounty-Hunter smelling of…Tehran Nuclear Anvil Showdown: Wile E Biden vs The Trump Runner
BILLINGSGATE POST: Transporting Wile E Biden and the Trump Runner from the friendly confines of the Sonoran Desert to a deserted tarmac outside Tehran was not easy. Promises of being supplied with the advanced ACME ANTI-GRAVITY ANVIL WITH NUCLEAR C…Senator Ted Cruz Still In Hot Water
Texas is frozen, but Ted Cruz is still in hot water. So hot, Cruz could defrost the grid and reconnect gas and electric power for the still frozen Texas community. “I wanted to be a good dad,†he defended. Who can fault that? Certainly not h…Ted says Goodbye to his Dog on the way to the Tropics
You’ll be OK, boy. You know that shivering makes you warm right? Good boy. Now, when your water freezes, you can scratch at it with your claws OK? Remember the vet saying your nails should be clipped once a year? Wasn’t he a moron? So daddy…Subway Denies That Their Roast Beef Sandwiches Contain Jellyfish
LOBSTERVILLE, Connecticut â€" (Satire News) â€" A spokesman for the famous sandwich franchise is denying reports that were allegedly put out by a member of the American Nazi Party. Bruno Dirtenhoffen, 42, who is the sergeant-at-arms of the ANP, told a…Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk Form Bezos-Musk Inc.
AUSTIN, Texas â€" (Satire News) â€" The two richest men in the world have just joined forces to form what pundits are calling a super-colossal company. Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk recently met at the Buckaroo Bunkhouse Barbecue Restaurant in Austin, wher…#DeleteFacebook! Facebook Group Deleted
A Facebook Group created calling for a boycott of Facebook after it took the extraordinary step of banning users in Australia from accessing news in a row over paying for content, has been deleted, by Facebook. 'Delete Facebook', 'Boycott Zuckerbe…A Cocktail Waitress in Cleveland Has a Vagina That Can Yodel
CLEVELAND â€" (Satire News) â€" Cleveland’s Eye-Spectator News Channel 91 reports there is a woman who works as a cocktail waitress who has just found out that she has an amazing talent. Lea Jo Skeggy, who is 27 years old, says she recently discovered…The owner of a satirical news website has admitted that a technical error made during some routine maintenance work has resulted in a bonus for writers whose work attracts a normally derogatory 1-star rating - they now GAIN 100 points, instead of 1 p…
Man With Herpes On His Top Lip Told His Wife "It's Nowt"
A man who had a rather unsightly mark on his top lip, which eventually turned out to be a nasty case of Herpes Simplex* was forced to tell a blatant lie to his wife when she asked him what it was. Moys Kenwood, 57, noticed the pronounced red blemi…Daytona 500 NASCAR Driver Was Caught With 75 Pounds of Marijuana in His Race Car
DAYTONA BEACH, Florida â€" (Sports Satire) â€" NASCAR officials are red faced after racing authority inspectors found that one of the drivers was found to have a quantity of marijuana stashed underneath the driver’s seat of his race car. Inspectors ch…Aldi & Lidl offering Covid-19 vaccines at discounter prices!
(NOT EDITED) German giant supermarket discounters have discovered a medical loophole to increase their popularity even more! Personnel joining their teams of slave-driven shelf-fillers, and non-smiling cashiers, are being given 'jab courses'! Punt…How can the citizens of the fuel capital of the nation be freezing? Yes, there’s a storm of biblical proportions, but Texas has always been regarded as the nation’s fuel capital. People in Texas are burning old clothes not fuel, bringing barbecue…
Besides Skipping Texas, Senator Ted Cruz Has A Puddle Belly
Besides skipping Texas during the freeze to vacation in Cancun, Senator Ted Cruz was filmed walking across the airport, pulling a pregnant suitcase, as though he were planning to stay a month. He claimed it was an overnight stay. All that was suf…"You Don't Have To Live Like A Refugee" played continuously at Greek Refugee Camp
Lesbos, Greece - Refugees at the infamously wretched refugee camp on the Greek island bordering Turkey, tell the international Press willing to go there that Tom Petty's 1980 classic rock hit "You Don't Have To Live Like A Refugee" is sometimes playe…Biden Hits One Out Of The Ball Park
After four years in the gloom and negativism, and the fighting of Donald Trump, his family, his sycophants and his hangers-on and his wannabees, has come to a stop, the windows are open wide, fresh air is coming in, and Joe Biden is President of the…Oceanic Scientists Discover That The Bermuda Triangle is Really a Trapezoid
MIAMI â€" (Satire News) â€" A group of oceanic scientists have just announced that the mysteriously mystical Bermuda Triangle is actually not a triangle, but a trapezoid. Dr. Filbert R. Fibbingshire stated that the somewhat scary, somewhat legendary B…Scientists prove a 'Bad Day at the Office' is only curable by going back to bed!
(NOT EDITED) Sometimes everything goes 'pear shape' in one day! So, a group of over-worked Dutch psychiatrists have engaged a team of scientists to find a solution for this ever-increasing syndrome. This frustrating syndrome has tripled ever sinc…Following Airline Tragedy, Red Bull Will No Longer Give You Wings
The National Transportation Safety Board reached the conclusion of their investigation of flight 267 today, reporting that the aircraft’s left engine had suffered a catastrophic failure after a 6’2, 34-year-old man with wings crossed the plane’s flig…Family Giving up Pancakes for Lent
Generic middle-class family the Johnsons, from Chutney on the Fritz, have announced for the seventh year in a row that, for Lent, they will all be giving up pancakes. 'Yes,' said husband and dad, Gary: 'We have decided that, during Lent, we will n…Liverpool Goalkeeper In Alleged Betting Scandal
As the winners of last year's Premier League title, Liverpool were strongly backed to repeat that feat this year, and, after beating Crystal Palace 7-0 on 19 December, not many people would have bet against them. But one man did. Alisson is his…Donald Trump Announces 3rd Divorce
Stop the presses! This is a surprise. Guess who is getting a divorce? Donald Trump! But here's the real surprise: it isn’t from Melania, but from, of all people, Rudolph Giuliani! It was the dripping hair color. Soooo un-Trump! One inch, maybe. I…Despite the recent bitterly cold spell in Ireland, unlike most sensible people, Pegeen Na Squarehole insisted on going out without gloves on, as well as washing her hands in cold water, without applying moisturiser afterwards. As a result of all…
The Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football Program May Be Ending
NORTE DAME, Indiana â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The director of the Notre Dame football program has just made a surprising announcement. Brother Sylvester Bob, who has headed the Fighting Irish football program since 1993, has said that the decision to te…Millions of American Males Are Suffering From NFL Football Withdrawal Syndrome
CHICAGO â€" (Sports Satire) â€" A scientific journal is reporting that millions of American males have become quite depressed. The American Journal of Sports Withdrawal Maladies has released a study stating that, now that the Super Bowl has been playe…A fan of the late comedian Freddie Starr has claimed that her pet hamster, Vince, ate her rare Freddie Starr action figure after escaping from his cage at her home in Birchwood, Cheshire. Distraught Lisa Salton told friends that Vince had gnawed h…