Man Has Got His Wife A Dildo For Valentine's Day
A man who was looking for an unusual and novel St. Valentine's Day gift for his wife, has gone for the jackpot this year, after revealing to workmates that he has got her a 12-inch black dildo. Ron Lummox, 40, hit upon the brilliant idea as he bro…The World’s First Transgender Sumo Wrestler Gets Her Ass Kicked
KAGOSHIMA, Japan â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Saki-Saki News Agency has stated that the world’s first transgender wrestler, Yamaha Wasabi, 37, has lost for the first time in her 12-month career. Wasabi, who weighs a whopping 521 pounds, was clobbered b…After watching the films of the January 6, Capitol invasion by "that group of hoodlums" (Trump’s words), and hearing his January 6 speech in front of the White House, Donald J. Trump confessed in tears that he was guilty, yes guilty of inciting the m…
Working Class Knobhead Accused Of Being 'Upper Class Twit'
In a misjudgement of humongous proportions, a man who, if he categorizes himself as being anything at all, classes himself as being a working class idiot, has been accused by another man of being an 'upper class twit'. The accusation arose earlier…Public Hoping That Cult Leader Will be Convicted by a Jury, Half of Which Consists of His Followers
Washington D.C. - In a week-long trial of a former President and leader of the Trumpist cult, the American public, who recently, according to polls, decided he was guilty of fomenting violence against the country's democratic system of government, pl…Washington D.C. - Lawyers for Donald Trump took center stage on Friday at his impeachment trial, and immediately claimed that the President's speech on January 6th, to a crowd of supporters whipped into a frenzy by Trump's claim that the election was…
Biden Orders Revolving Fire Hydrants For White House Grounds
BILLINGSGATE POST: In his latest Executive Order, President Biden decreed that revolving fire hydrants be installed on the White House grounds, having grown tired of seeing his two mutts, Champ and Major, lift their legs to pee on the existing hydra…Morphine tablets cause erection instability!
(NOT EDITED) Slipped discs, plus other agonising ailments, are often treated by doctors prescribing painkillers. However, their side effects, albeit painless, can cause other strange reactions to the male body scientists have discovered! Females s…Britain's first nail bar for dogs opens
Many businesses have been forced to shut down during the pandemic, some of them permanently. But not all shops are suffering badly. This week in Chaffinch St Cock, Britain's first nail bar for dogs opened. Canine Chaffinch Nails is subject to the…Oh well, the Republicans say, that was yesterday; today is now. Get over it! It’s water under the bridge. Those who died can’t be resurrected. Those injured will recover. It’s a 'so what?' situation. Get over it! Tomorrow is another day. January 6 wi…
Man sending Valentine Cards to all of the women he knows
Lonely bachelor Brian Asshat is sending Valentine's cards to all of the women that he knows. 'Yes,' said Brian, 'I will be sending 17 Valentine's cards this year, well I sent them all on Monday, so they should be delivered by now. I sent one to Ph…Pub band Anthea Turner Overdrive are cursing the fact that while the erstwhile Television Presenter is trending on Twitter, they have not seen an upsurge in visits to their website, or Twitter feed. The band, are a popular live act around the Norf…
Traffic Cone now knows all of student's boring life choices
Traffic cone Peter Smith now knows everything that student Conrad Barrington does, as the two have been sharing house space since September. 'It all seemed like so much fun at first ' said Peter. 'I just minded my own business at the end of a road…Spinster buying Valentine's cards for Postman and Delivery Driver
Spinster Felicity Dowager from Chutney on the Fritz is buying Valentine's cards for her postman and delivery driver. Felicity said: 'I am 24, and have never been married, and I am always being told by unhelpful maiden aunts that my best years are…The Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the considerable, and growing, number of fake news stories written about him, and remarked that he wished he had a ten-pound note for every one of them, for then, he woul…
Couple regret starting a Jason Statham Film Marathon
Chutney on the Fritz couple Gary and Lorraine have begun to regret their plan to watch all of Jason Statham's films during the lockdown. 'I knew he had done a few films,' said Gary. 'I mean, there were the three Expendables films, the one with Mir…Justice For The Capitol Building
The Capitol Building was vandalized by a mob of insurrectionists guided and motivated by Donald J. Trump. He claimed his reelection was stolen. Boo Hoo! Every loser’s lament. Trump failed to win the popular vote, and didn't come near winning t…What Will Rogers Might Say About Today's Events
Here are some idiosyncratic observations about life in America today, written in the style of Will Rogers, as thoughts from far outside the box. The Pope says all dogs go to heaven. Does that include Rottweilers? A rising tide lifts all boats…Special Forces From Switzerland Capture The World’s Most Notorious Terrorist Leader
CAMEL SHIT, Afghanistan â€" (Satire News) â€" Al-Zit Mohammed, supreme leader of the Taliban, and the most notorious terrorist leader on earth, has been captured. Afghanistan’s Mirage News Agency has confirmed that the 52-year-old beer-bellied leader…Marjorie Taylor Greene Wants To Ban Black History Month
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The woman who most of America is now calling the most hateful, despicable, evil woman in the entire universe, has just gone and stuck her size 13-D foot in her nasty, bigoted mouth. Marjorie “The Human Scarecrow Stefano M. Stefano's Somewhat Inaccurate Movie Reviews
Here's a bunch of movies you'll want to check out after you read my somewhat inaccurate reviews. "Star Trek - The Motion Picture" - A bald chick flies the rocketship Enterprise straight into a galaxy gravity pull and needs the crew to fix her rea…TAMPA BAY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Several members of the news media report that, according to disease experts, traces of the C-19 virus were found in hundreds of the hot dogs served at the Super Bowl game. Dr. Tarpetina Kappalino, with the Florida Fed…
Bravo, Liz Cheney! While all the Republican Senators (except for Mitt Romney) got it dead wrong, House Representative Liz Cheney, Dick’s daughter, got it 100%, tap dancing, right! Speaking as a patriot and knowledgeable of the Constitution, Ms. C…
History For Children #2: Adolf Hitler
Once upon a time, there was a little boy called Adolf, who lived in a cold, snowy country called Austria. From a humble beginning, Adolf grew up to be a famous man, who everybody knew about. This is his story. Adolf lived in a town called Linz. He…When Liverpool put seven goals past Crystal Palace just seven short weeks ago on 19 December, the talk amongst football punditry was of "how far ahead of other football teams Jurgen Klopp's team are", how they were "uncatchable", and how "exquisite"…
Speaking in the House of Commons, Minister for Special Deals, Phil Offthebakova-Laurie, hailed the signing of a recent trade agreement with Japan as a triumph for exotic fish keepers. “We’ve netted a good one,†he quipped, to cheers from government b…
Woman Upset That Air Mexico Would Not Let Her Bring Her Emotional Burro on Board
NUEVO LAREDO, Mexico â€" Mexico’s national news agency, El Ole News, confirmed that an elderly woman pitched a fit when airline employees informed her that she could not bring her emotional burro on board the Nuevo Laredo to Hong Kong flight. The wo…HONG KONG â€" (World News) â€" China’s Abacus News Agency has made it known that the leader of China, Xi Jinping, wants to purchase the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. The Chinese leader stated that he has been wanting to buy the covete…
The Vampire Dairies Starring Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Is Back
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Millions of Vampire Diaries fans from Bulgaria to Pisagovia are thrilled that the popular vampire TV series is coming back with brand new shows. The year is now 2021, and the town has become a virtual cesspool of haunti…