Man With Herpes On His Top Lip Told His Wife "It's Nowt"
A man who had a rather unsightly mark on his top lip, which eventually turned out to be a nasty case of Herpes Simplex* was forced to tell a blatant lie to his wife when she asked him what it was. Moys Kenwood, 57, noticed the pronounced red blemi…How can the citizens of the fuel capital of the nation be freezing? Yes, there’s a storm of biblical proportions, but Texas has always been regarded as the nation’s fuel capital. People in Texas are burning old clothes not fuel, bringing barbecue…
"You Don't Have To Live Like A Refugee" played continuously at Greek Refugee Camp
Lesbos, Greece - Refugees at the infamously wretched refugee camp on the Greek island bordering Turkey, tell the international Press willing to go there that Tom Petty's 1980 classic rock hit "You Don't Have To Live Like A Refugee" is sometimes playe…Biden Hits One Out Of The Ball Park
After four years in the gloom and negativism, and the fighting of Donald Trump, his family, his sycophants and his hangers-on and his wannabees, has come to a stop, the windows are open wide, fresh air is coming in, and Joe Biden is President of the…Scientists prove a 'Bad Day at the Office' is only curable by going back to bed!
(NOT EDITED) Sometimes everything goes 'pear shape' in one day! So, a group of over-worked Dutch psychiatrists have engaged a team of scientists to find a solution for this ever-increasing syndrome. This frustrating syndrome has tripled ever sinc…Liverpool Goalkeeper In Alleged Betting Scandal
As the winners of last year's Premier League title, Liverpool were strongly backed to repeat that feat this year, and, after beating Crystal Palace 7-0 on 19 December, not many people would have bet against them. But one man did. Alisson is his…Family Giving up Pancakes for Lent
Generic middle-class family the Johnsons, from Chutney on the Fritz, have announced for the seventh year in a row that, for Lent, they will all be giving up pancakes. 'Yes,' said husband and dad, Gary: 'We have decided that, during Lent, we will n…The Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football Program May Be Ending
NORTE DAME, Indiana â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The director of the Notre Dame football program has just made a surprising announcement. Brother Sylvester Bob, who has headed the Fighting Irish football program since 1993, has said that the decision to te…Donald Trump Announces 3rd Divorce
Stop the presses! This is a surprise. Guess who is getting a divorce? Donald Trump! But here's the real surprise: it isn’t from Melania, but from, of all people, Rudolph Giuliani! It was the dripping hair color. Soooo un-Trump! One inch, maybe. I…Despite the recent bitterly cold spell in Ireland, unlike most sensible people, Pegeen Na Squarehole insisted on going out without gloves on, as well as washing her hands in cold water, without applying moisturiser afterwards. As a result of all…
Following Airline Tragedy, Red Bull Will No Longer Give You Wings
The National Transportation Safety Board reached the conclusion of their investigation of flight 267 today, reporting that the aircraft’s left engine had suffered a catastrophic failure after a 6’2, 34-year-old man with wings crossed the plane’s flig…A fan of the late comedian Freddie Starr has claimed that her pet hamster, Vince, ate her rare Freddie Starr action figure after escaping from his cage at her home in Birchwood, Cheshire. Distraught Lisa Salton told friends that Vince had gnawed h…
Millions of American Males Are Suffering From NFL Football Withdrawal Syndrome
CHICAGO â€" (Sports Satire) â€" A scientific journal is reporting that millions of American males have become quite depressed. The American Journal of Sports Withdrawal Maladies has released a study stating that, now that the Super Bowl has been playe…The Trump Runner vs Wile E Biden
BILLINGSGATE POST: This begins a series, that will, from time to time, chronicle the epic battle between the Trump Runner and Wile E Biden. In the Sonoran Desert, where stately Saguaro cacti stand sentinel over Gila monsters, tarantulas and scorp…The Houston Astros May Go Back To Using Their Original Name
HOUSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The sports world is abuzz with news that Houston Astros owner Jim “Whopping†Crane is toying with the idea of changing the team name back to it’s original name, The Colt 45’s. Back in 1962, the newly formed team was lau…Because today is Pancake Day, man about town David Herington Smythe, from Mithering on the Trent, is calling everyone a tosser. 'It is just my little joke,' said David. 'I say it every Shrove Tuesday, and it just never fails to make me laugh.'…
Great Having A President Who Can Cross His Knees
Instead of having an executive sitting on a sofa with a wide-open man-spread barn door, it's neat to see President Joe Biden easily cross his legs at the knee. And the hair? What kind of personality defect produces that repeated aberration? Remember…Cristiano Ronaldo To Wear Leather Thong Under His Shorts
Cristiano Ronaldo, for years, the pin-up boy of European football, is in the news again this week, after he announced on social media that, from next week, he will start to wear a black leather thong underneath his football shorts. The Juventus s…Anti-Statue Zealots Deface Lincoln Memorial
National Mall, Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. Early this morning, on President's Day, activists from the various groups that have been toppling Confederate statues invaded the Lincoln Memorial on the National Mall and vandalized the monume…Car skids on black ice and cures driver's back agony!
(NOT EDITED) Monschau, Germany: Treacherous black ice was causing considerable delays and accidents in the Eifel Region of Germany. However, every dark cloud, filled with sleet, has a silver lining! Jo Johannson, of British decent, but now 'Double…Mayan Professor Predicts End Of World: “Will Not Survive Biden Administrationâ€
BILLINGSGATE POST: It’s not easy to predict the end of the world. Not just because no one will be around to validate the prediction, but because very few colleges offer courses on the subject. Other than La Fontaine College, the Harvard of the Carib…Liverpool Boss Jurgen Klopp Facing Sack
There was drama brewing on Merseyside this evening after it became known that the Liverpool board of directors had arranged an emergency meeting at Anfield on Tuesday afternoon with the team's German coach, Jurgen Klopp. Last season's champions ar…Donald Trump emerged victorious from his second impeachment trial on Sunday, happy with his exoneration, but told the world's media that he was angry about the choice of wording used after the result. Trump, 74, told attendant journalists: "I…
Melting snow causes flood in hikers boot!
(NOT EDITED) German hikers setting out in a snowstorm did not expect a sudden rise in temperatures. At 06.00 AM the snow and ice was still frozen. However, after six-hours hiking in the Black Forest, Germany, suddenly the snow underfoot started to me…Who says it was an acquittal? The verdict was 57 to 43. There’s a 14 point difference. In a football game, that would have been a loss. Even Donald Trump can see it wasn’t a unanimous win or a real victory. In the world of Albert Einstein, Galile…
The Valentine's Day tradition that gets the cream
Many Valentine's Day traditions are modern, commercial and trashy - the giving of cards, the pressure to send flowers - these are all recent inventions. Yet there is one popular tradition that is still going and started all the way back with St Valen…Doublespeak dot com awards program banned by Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, Google et al
Doublespeak dot com's offer of prizes for the best samples of Washington double-speak has run afoul of watchdogs for the nation's OPN (officially preferred narrative). The Establishment--billionaires, press, and their government representatives--n…American Idol Is Back For Season 19 With a Bang
GULFPORT, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) â€" TV’s top-rated singing show, American Idol, has returned for its 19th season, and there were some interesting contestants. AI's host, Ryan Seacrest, sported a brand new $2,000 hairdo, while Katy Perry was dr…Man's Wife Has Left Him And Run Off With Her Dildo
A man who hit upon the unusual idea of buying his wife a dildo as a gift for St. Valentine's Day, has told 'friends' on social media that she has now run off and left him, in order to start a new life in Europe with her 'pleasure stick'. She is th…