Student Denied Third Visit To Toilet In Same Lesson Spurts Diarrhoea Over Wide Area
There was controversy at a local primary school earlier today, when a male student who had already paid two visits to the toilet during his science lesson, was denied a third visit by his frustrated teacher, and was made topay dearly for the conseque…Snoring in hospital beds is to be forbidden!
(NOT EDITED) Anti-snoring groups are protesting outside German hospitals in an attempt to make it a crime to snore during time spent in wards. "Snoring is a crime and should be forbidden!" Sensitive ex-patients have been observed screaming, "Snor…Agonising back pain causes infamous Spoofer to chew on a tree trunk!
(NOT EDITED) Morphine tablets, Ibuprofen, and other pain-killers, could not relieve an infamous Spoofer from his back-pain-agony whilst lying in bed spoofing his heart out attempting to make people laugh! His wife, bless her heart, did everything…Man Unaware Frank Lampard Had Been Sacked
In football news that some readers may find difficult to believe, an enthusiastic follower of the game has said that, despite keeping himself more-or-less up-to-date with what's going on, he was completely unaware that Chelsea coach Frank Lampard had…Elon Musk’s New Planetary Telescope is The Most Powerful in The World
HOUSTON, Texas â€" (Satire News) â€" The richest man in the world, Elon Musk has just developed the amazing Musk Busybody Planetary Telescope, which he has nicknamed "Ringo". The entrepreneur, who is the father of the Tesla, the SpaceX Starship, and…Ivanka Trump Launches ‘Vanka’s Pop-Up Elite Ultra-Right Insurrection Club’
While ex-president and self-declared greatest man that ever lived, Donald Trump, sulks and skulks in his palatial Florida mansion, his favourite wife/daughter, Ivanka, has yet again astounded the world with her insatiable greed. Her ability to prise…Former Los Angeles Lakers role player J.R. Smith was found Saturday in a storage facility at the Disney Bubble complex near Orlando, more than 3 months after the conclusion of 2019-2020 season, expecting there to be still one more round of playoffs.
Manchester United Boss Issues Apology To Fans
After last Wednesday's humiliating home defeat at the hands of the Premier League's basement club, Sheffield United, Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has made a heartfelt statement to the club's fans, officially apologising for his team's…The Al-Qaeda Navy Has Just Named Marjorie Taylor Greene It’s Official Pin Up Girl For 2021
PORT CAMEL TOE, Afghanistan â€" (Satire News) â€" The Mirage News Agency of Afghanistan has declared that, by a vote of 901 to 3, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has just been voted the official 2021 pin-up girl for the Al-Qaeda Navy. Al-Qaeda Ad…Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Alex!
I was a little dubious about my kid, Rick, going off to college at Berkeley. Radicals, Free Love, Riots, Direct Action, Boycotts, Arson. Whatever happened to the fun things, like the panty raids of my generation? And intersex dorms? But he got a grea…Trump Asks To Borrow Air Force One
Claiming to be apologizing for calling Trump fatso, but seeking to add more flies into the ointment, Vladimir Putin invited Donald Trump for a one month all expenses paid visit to Russia. Not a pragmatist, Trump accepted immediately. Trump co…Guatemala’s Drug Cartel-Owned Soccer Team Remains Undefeated
GUATEMALA CITY - (Sports Satire) â€" Paloma Bocalinda, 26, with El Platano News Agency, has been covering the Central American Liga de Soccer games since the season started. She reported that the Guatemala City Banananistas soundly defeated the Pla…First non-binary computer introduced
It is the largest milestone in computing since the invention of the internet-enabled fridge. This week, computer manufacturer BigHard has developed the world's first non-binary computer. The computer is called Bernard, but prefers to use the prono…All movies to be maskized to normalize mask wearing
New York, N.Y. United Nations World dictator Umba Googa Loopa, has just updated Agenda 21 to outlaw the showing of any video featuring unmasked actors. He explained in today’s press conference. “Many may remember when old black-and-white mov…Britain - but not Northern Ireland - left the EU at the end of 2020, and importing and exporting has not been the same since. Geoff Turnip is an importer/exporter from Bishop's Prepuce who exports beef, and imports strudel. "Bringing in the strude…
History For Children: #1 Donald Trump
Once upon a time, there was a very bad man. In fact, he was more than a very bad man, he was a very, very, VERY, VERY VERY bad man, and one that had to be watched. His name was Donald Trump. Donald had lots and lots of money. He had SO much money,…Newcastle United Manager Steve Bruce To Get Extra Help In Bedroom
It may have been an embarrassing week for Newcatle United manager Steve Bruce, who has faced the indignity of having an extra Coaching Assistant thrust upon him, but things got far worse today, when the Geordie's wife insisted upon enlisting the help…LeBron James' Lakers and Kawhi Leonard's Clippers Have L.A. Fans Jumping For Joy
LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports News) â€" The two teams that are occupying the top of the NBA’s Western Conference are both from LaLaLand, home of earthquakes, forest fires, mudslides, state-of-the-art drugs, and the Kardashian bitches. The celebrity media ag…Man Admits To Using Strong Language
The same man who said earlier that he was suffering from stress, boredom, depression, frustration, isolation, gross mental strain and a mild psychopathic nature has now admitted that, from time to time, his language can be extremely colorful. And,…Sleepy Joe Talks To Vladimir: A Transcript Of The Private Conversation
BILLINGSGATE POST: Not all conversations are equal. But if you ever wished you were a fly on the wall, here’s your chance: This past Tuesday, President Biden was awakened from his Deep State sleep by the ringing of his ACME RED XXX TOP SECRET PHO…WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Boom Boom News, has confirmed Rudy Giuliani’s story that Trump actually faked having the COVID-19 virus. Old Bug-Eyed Rudy told BBN that he, Ted Cruz, and Sara “Sponge Cake†Huckabee Sanders concocted the whole d…
My Pillow To Go Bankrupt Because of It’s Asshole CEO Michael Lindell
CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" The Chicago Daily Wind has just announced that Michael Lindell, CEO of the My Pillow Corporation, and man who would marry Donald Trump in a nano-second, is standing in deep dodo, as they say down in Arkansas. Lindell, who…Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene of QAnon Is Actually a Russian Spy
WASHINTGON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The entire House of Representatives, Democrat and Republican, is up in arms over the evil terroristic antics of Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. iNews reports that the 46-year-old extreme right wing supremis…Marjorie Taylor Greene Denies Existence of Diabetes, Doppler Effect, Idaho, Teenagers….
WASHINGTON DC - Marjorie Taylor Greene has denied the existence of gravity, World War I, egg yolks, Newton’s Laws of Motion, dictionaries, limestone, the number 17, bicycles, Climate Change, Climate Change deniers, the bond between a boy and his dog,…Cuomo and Newsom can twirl; but can they hop?
Analysts say the two foremost governors, in charge of martializing the society at the cost of businesses dying, suicides, and other abuses, appear to be shifting their positions now that Trump is gone. Mr. Cuomo of New York and Mr. Newsom of Calif…Donald Trump Begs Twitter To Please Let Him Tweet Again
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida â€" (Satire News) â€" Melania Trump told Tiffany Trump that ever since her daddy got his ass banned from Twitter, he has been one big pile of ‘chit.’ The former first lady, and soon to be the former Mrs. Donald Trump, says that wit…Boris Johnson discussing Scottish Independence with the Krankies
Wee Jimmy Krankie and the lesser-remembered Ian are in discussions with the UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, about an independent Scotland. Although the pair, best known for their 1980s antics, may not seem the best possible choice to discuss Sco…Bill Clinton Unable to Keep Nose in Mask; Denies that it is a Metaphor for Anything
WASHINGTON DC â€" In a political world full of symbols and nuance, people are looking to mask-wearing practices as a way of making intentions known. Spotted at the Biden Inauguration last week, it appeared that Bill Clinton was unable to keep his nose…Poor Donny. He doesn’t understand how clocks work. It's okay, because if you have your very own gold toilet, time doesn't matter! At 9:00 on election night, Donald Trump was on his way to a second four-year term in the White House. So he went to…
Man's Cultural Experiences Make His Blood Boil
A man who says he is suffering from stress, boredom, depression, frustration, isolation, gross mental strain and a mild psychopathic nature has admitted that, from time to time, he gets a bit angry. And, often, he becomes extremely irritable. M…