Trees Not Quite So Green This Year
It may be global warming, climate change, or environmental change, it could be any two of these, or even all three of them, but something is happening out in the sticks, claims one man who says that, in his neck of the woods, at least, the trees aren…Science Teacher Tells Student: "It's Not Rocket Science!"
A school student who kept bothering his science teacher with irrelevant, not to say 'irreverent', questions about space travel in a lesson that was, instead, on the topic of 'Matter' - which was somewhat difficult to understand - was told by the teac…Washington D.C. - A conservative political party that prides itself on fighting the liberal "Cancel Culture", a movement which seeks to disenfranchise those who disagree with them, and eliminate any exchange of ideas deemed politically incorrect, has…
A savvy mum has revealed how she manages to serve her severely malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week. Roberta Simons, 39, from Birmingham, manages to feed her starving family on a budget using simple store cupboard…
Trump Senate Lawyers Offer 6 Word Defense, Then Rest: "What About Hillary, What About Antifa"
Washington D.C. - The week-long impeachment trial of former president Donald Trump concluded on Friday, when lawyers for the disgraced head of state wrapped up the trial in the Senate with just six words: "What about Hillary, what about Antifa".Senator Joseph McCarthy visits from Lower Belmarsh Hades Lot 46 Cell #19
Incredible developments continue to shape our world. Vaccines that used to take several years to develop are now available in a few months. A new "political science" for the covid epidemic has emerged. Even more astonishing--breaking: Co…Man Watching Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day
Barry Heckingthwaite has spent the day watching Groundhog Day because it is Groundhog Day. The 1990s film favourite stars Bill Murray acting, and Andie McDowell simpering, and was a relative hit when first released. Still, its storyline of a man r…Louis Gohmert Files Charges in East Texas Accusing Hillary Clinton of Being a "Whatabout"
Tyler, Texas - U.S. Congressman Louis Gohmert filed charges at the courthouse here, yesterday, accusing former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton of involving herself in multiple illegal activities, including participating in "Whatabou…Original Jesus's sandals found in German priest's foot-locker!
(NOT EDITED) A wicked smell was detected coming out of an ancient priest's foot-locker deep down in Pruem Cathedral's catacomb. Pruem is a town lodged between green hills faraway in the Eifel area of Germany. Locals have always wondered why such a…Student Denied Third Visit To Toilet In Same Lesson Spurts Diarrhoea Over Wide Area
There was controversy at a local primary school earlier today, when a male student who had already paid two visits to the toilet during his science lesson, was denied a third visit by his frustrated teacher, and was made to pay dearly for the consequ…Snoring in hospital beds is to be forbidden!
(NOT EDITED) Anti-snoring groups are protesting outside German hospitals in an attempt to make it a crime to snore during time spent in wards. "Snoring is a crime and should be forbidden!" Sensitive ex-patients have been observed screaming, "Snor…Trump Barred from Living in Mar-A-Lago, Will Build Compound in Guyana for Family and Worshippers
Mar-A-Lago, Florida - Former President Donald Trump, rebuffed by his neighbors in West Palm Beach who refused to allow him and his camp followers to settle at his Mar-A-Lago resort here, has announced he will purchase a plot of land in Guyana to buil…Punxsutawney Phil Defers Ground Hog Forecast to Maringouin Mike.
Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…Elon Musk’s New Planetary Telescope is The Most Powerful in The World
HOUSTON, Texas â€" (Satire News) â€" The richest man in the world, Elon Musk has just developed the amazing Musk Busybody Planetary Telescope, which he has nicknamed "Ringo". The entrepreneur, who is the father of the Tesla, the SpaceX Starship, and…Environment Minister for Floods, Noah Zark, says, “It’s not building new houses and concreting over everything that creates floods, you know. It’s the rain.†Developers and major builders, worried about a recession in their industry, have urged th…
Former Los Angeles Lakers role player J.R. Smith was found Saturday in a storage facility at the Disney Bubble complex near Orlando, more than 3 months after the conclusion of 2019-2020 season, expecting there to be still one more round of playoffs.
LeBron James' Lakers and Kawhi Leonard's Clippers Have L.A. Fans Jumping For Joy
LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports News) â€" The two teams that are occupying the top of the NBA’s Western Conference are both from LaLaLand, home of earthquakes, forest fires, mudslides, state-of-the-art drugs, and the Kardashian bitches. The celebrity media ag…Agonising back pain causes infamous Spoofer to chew on a tree trunk!
(NOT EDITED) Morphine tablets, Ibuprofen, and other pain-killers, could not relieve an infamous Spoofer from his back-pain-agony whilst lying in bed spoofing his heart out attempting to make people laugh! His wife, bless her heart, did everything…Cuomo and Newsom can twirl; but can they hop?
Analysts say the two foremost governors, in charge of martializing the society at the cost of businesses dying, suicides, and other abuses, appear to be shifting their positions now that Trump is gone. Mr. Cuomo of New York and Mr. Newsom of Calif…Man Unaware Frank Lampard Had Been Sacked
In football news that some readers may find difficult to believe, an enthusiastic follower of the game has said that, despite keeping himself more-or-less up-to-date with what's going on, he was completely unaware that Chelsea coach Frank Lampard had…Maybe Biden's penis looks like a baby corn, says GOP strategist planning fake news leak
A senior GOP strategist reportedly tabled the idea they could damage US President Joe Biden's reputation by leaking a fake news story about how unflattering the President's penis was, especially when compared to former president Donald Trump's, accor…NEW YORK â€" (Sports Satire) â€" NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones excellent suggestion. Jones suggested to the commissioner that, in order to embrace the ever-improving electronic advances in today’s fast-paced…
Ivanka Trump Launches ‘Vanka’s Pop-Up Elite Ultra-Right Insurrection Club’
While ex-president and self-declared greatest man that ever lived, Donald Trump, sulks and skulks in his palatial Florida mansion, his favourite wife/daughter, Ivanka, has yet again astounded the world with her insatiable greed. Her ability to prise…Britain - but not Northern Ireland - left the EU at the end of 2020, and importing and exporting has not been the same since. Geoff Turnip is an importer/exporter from Bishop's Prepuce who exports beef, and imports strudel. "Bringing in the strude…
Manchester United Boss Issues Apology To Fans
After last Wednesday's humiliating home defeat at the hands of the Premier League's basement club, Sheffield United, Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has made a heartfelt statement to the club's fans, officially apologising for his team's…McDonald’s Loses Special Sauce Recipe; Big Mac Sales Halted
OAK BROOK, IL â€" In a stunning blow to an iconic American food product, McDonald’s Corporate Headquarters has announced that they have lost the recipe for the World-Renowned Special Sauce, the result being that sales of the Big Mac have been halted ac…MY TWEET: When The Twilight Is Gone And No Trumpbirds Are Tweeting
BILLINGSGATE POST: The world, as we have known it, is not the same. A pencil-neck geek, a virtual parakeet, with a vocabulary so limited that listeners wince when he squawks, now has the pedestal. Like his old boss, Barry the Parrot, he couldn’t spea…The Al-Qaeda Navy Has Just Named Marjorie Taylor Greene It’s Official Pin Up Girl For 2021
PORT CAMEL TOE, Afghanistan â€" (Satire News) â€" The Mirage News Agency of Afghanistan has declared that, by a vote of 901 to 3, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has just been voted the official 2021 pin-up girl for the Al-Qaeda Navy. Al-Qaeda Ad…Trump Asks To Borrow Air Force One
Claiming to be apologizing for calling Trump fatso, but seeking to add more flies into the ointment, Vladimir Putin invited Donald Trump for a one month all expenses paid visit to Russia. Not a pragmatist, Trump accepted immediately. Trump co…First non-binary computer introduced
It is the largest milestone in computing since the invention of the internet-enabled fridge. This week, computer manufacturer BigHard has developed the world's first non-binary computer. The computer is called Bernard, but prefers to use the prono…