Working Class Knobhead Accused Of Being 'Upper Class Twit'
In a misjudgement of humongous proportions, a man who, if he categorizes himself as being anything at all, classes himself as being a working class idiot, has been accused by another man of being an 'upper class twit'. The accusation arose earlier…Biden Orders Revolving Fire Hydrants For White House Grounds
BILLINGSGATE POST: In his latest Executive Order, President Biden decreed that revolving fire hydrants be installed on the White House grounds, having grown tired of seeing his two mutts, Champ and Major, lift their legs to pee on the existing hydra…Britain's first nail bar for dogs opens
Many businesses have been forced to shut down during the pandemic, some of them permanently. But not all shops are suffering badly. This week in Chaffinch St Cock, Britain's first nail bar for dogs opened. Canine Chaffinch Nails is subject to the…Oh well, the Republicans say, that was yesterday; today is now. Get over it! It’s water under the bridge. Those who died can’t be resurrected. Those injured will recover. It’s a 'so what?' situation. Get over it! Tomorrow is another day. January 6 wi…
Traffic Cone now knows all of student's boring life choices
Traffic cone Peter Smith now knows everything that student Conrad Barrington does, as the two have been sharing house space since September. 'It all seemed like so much fun at first ' said Peter. 'I just minded my own business at the end of a road…Spinster buying Valentine's cards for Postman and Delivery Driver
Spinster Felicity Dowager from Chutney on the Fritz is buying Valentine's cards for her postman and delivery driver. Felicity said: 'I am 24, and have never been married, and I am always being told by unhelpful maiden aunts that my best years are…Couple regret starting a Jason Statham Film Marathon
Chutney on the Fritz couple Gary and Lorraine have begun to regret their plan to watch all of Jason Statham's films during the lockdown. 'I knew he had done a few films,' said Gary. 'I mean, there were the three Expendables films, the one with Mir…The Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the considerable, and growing, number of fake news stories written about him, and remarked that he wished he had a ten-pound note for every one of them, for then, he woul…
Justice For The Capitol Building
The Capitol Building was vandalized by a mob of insurrectionists guided and motivated by Donald J. Trump. He claimed his reelection was stolen. Boo Hoo! Every loser’s lament. Trump failed to win the popular vote, and didn't come near winning t…What Will Rogers Might Say About Today's Events
Here are some idiosyncratic observations about life in America today, written in the style of Will Rogers, as thoughts from far outside the box. The Pope says all dogs go to heaven. Does that include Rottweilers? A rising tide lifts all boats…Stefano M. Stefano's Somewhat Inaccurate Movie Reviews
Here's a bunch of movies you'll want to check out after you read my somewhat inaccurate reviews. "Star Trek - The Motion Picture" - A bald chick flies the rocketship Enterprise straight into a galaxy gravity pull and needs the crew to fix her rea…Marjorie Taylor Greene Wants To Ban Black History Month
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The woman who most of America is now calling the most hateful, despicable, evil woman in the entire universe, has just gone and stuck her size 13-D foot in her nasty, bigoted mouth. Marjorie “The Human Scarecrow Special Forces From Switzerland Capture The World’s Most Notorious Terrorist Leader
CAMEL SHIT, Afghanistan â€" (Satire News) â€" Al-Zit Mohammed, supreme leader of the Taliban, and the most notorious terrorist leader on earth, has been captured. Afghanistan’s Mirage News Agency has confirmed that the 52-year-old beer-bellied leader…Bravo, Liz Cheney! While all the Republican Senators (except for Mitt Romney) got it dead wrong, House Representative Liz Cheney, Dick’s daughter, got it 100%, tap dancing, right! Speaking as a patriot and knowledgeable of the Constitution, Ms. C…
TAMPA BAY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Several members of the news media report that, according to disease experts, traces of the C-19 virus were found in hundreds of the hot dogs served at the Super Bowl game. Dr. Tarpetina Kappalino, with the Florida Fed…
History For Children #2: Adolf Hitler
Once upon a time, there was a little boy called Adolf, who lived in a cold, snowy country called Austria. From a humble beginning, Adolf grew up to be a famous man, who everybody knew about. This is his story. Adolf lived in a town called Linz. He…When Liverpool put seven goals past Crystal Palace just seven short weeks ago on 19 December, the talk amongst football punditry was of "how far ahead of other football teams Jurgen Klopp's team are", how they were "uncatchable", and how "exquisite"…
Woman Upset That Air Mexico Would Not Let Her Bring Her Emotional Burro on Board
NUEVO LAREDO, Mexico â€" Mexico’s national news agency, El Ole News, confirmed that an elderly woman pitched a fit when airline employees informed her that she could not bring her emotional burro on board the Nuevo Laredo to Hong Kong flight. The wo…Speaking in the House of Commons, Minister for Special Deals, Phil Offthebakova-Laurie, hailed the signing of a recent trade agreement with Japan as a triumph for exotic fish keepers. “We’ve netted a good one,†he quipped, to cheers from government b…
HONG KONG â€" (World News) â€" China’s Abacus News Agency has made it known that the leader of China, Xi Jinping, wants to purchase the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. The Chinese leader stated that he has been wanting to buy the covete…
Secret Service Agent Mistakes Biden’s Package For Elderly Gerbil
BILLINGSGATE POST: It had to happen sooner or later. While Vice-President under Barack Obama, there were complaints by female Secret Service Agents that they were uncomfortable when they were forced to watch Sleepy Joe take his morning swim in the Wh…Teacher Resorted To Game Of Bingo To 'Kill Time'
A teacher at a school where students had completed their work, and were merely sitting and waiting for the term to end, has told how he blew the roof off the building when he told his charges there was going to be a game of Bingo. The 9-year-old s…Germany passes legislation making farting in public legal!
(NOT EDITED) Amid protests from conspiracy theorists, 'Querdenkers' (not Queer), lockdown opponents, and other mad-hatters in German society, Angie Merkel's government have decided to offer an olive-branch to such radical groups. Hopefully, by mak…Blame Democrats For Riots Not Trump
The Trump defense is basically: Blame the riots on the Democrats but finish with the theory of free speech. Accusatory and hopeful, but no cigar. It’s like the little kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “You filled the cookie j…Patrick Mahomes Pays Tom Brady $2 Million
TAMPA BAY â€" (Satire News) â€" After getting his butt kicked all over Raymond James Stadium by Tom Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Patrick Mahomes of the Kansas City Chiefs, showed that he’s an honorable man. Zorro La Bamba, with Sports Bet Gazette, st…Trump Unhappy With His Lawyers’ Impeachment Performance
It seems like The Apprentice performer is not too happy with the performance of his conviction defense lawyers. Stifled because he can’t tweet about his displeasure, of what an amateurish, unprofessional, bungling team he has defending him, Donald Tr…Comatose Kansas City Fan Awakens to Horrible Reality
(NOT EDITED) An avid Kansas City Chiefs fan who has been in a coma since 5 minutes into the Super Bowl has finally awakened to a horrible reality. And close friends are unsure how to break it to him. According to witnesses, Gunter Chang III, a Univer…'Parisienne Walkways' Heard At Local Wedding
In an incident that will surprise many readers, a man who was eating his breakfast has reported how he became aware of a song blaring out of loudspeakers at a local wedding that, although it was considered a classic in its day, drips with such sadnes…Man's week peaks with his ironing
Monday will not get any better for Gary Johnson, as he has finished the week's ironing. The sturdy husband of Lorraine and father of Thomas, said: 'I thought I would have learnt my lesson by now, but if I do the ironing on a Monday, then I have no…Tampa Bay Police Make 900 Arrests at The Super Bowl
TAMPA BAY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Boom Boom News reported that Tampa Bay police officers arrested 900 Super Bowl fans, who ended up missing the big game between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Kansas City Chiefs, due to plain and simple unadulterated st…