National Guard Waited For Three Hours
On January 6, the National Guard was made to wait three hours before given the green light to move and protect the Capitol. House and Senate members were made to wait, barricaded behind doors, fearing for their lives, hiding from the invading Trump m…A man who is a confirmed habitual masturbator has told friends on social media of a recent incident in which an overzealous tug resulted in an 'unexpected outcome', when a blob of semen spurted out of his Jap's Eye into a corresponding orifice on his…
Wolves Eat Baby That It Was Hoped They Would Raise
Reports from Burnley are indicating that a pack of wolves did not raise a baby they found abandoned in the woods, but, against all logic, ate it instead. Authorities told reporters that they found a knitted pink bobble hat, traces of blood, and ch…Governor Cuomo Says He Greets Everyone With a Kiss
Well, case closed! Done deal! Next scandal!? Not so fast. Does Governor Cuomo say he greets everyone with a kiss? Yes, 100%! Very European! Particularly the air kiss, one on each side. Enchanting! Right cheek first, or nose collision. Do…Introverts Society Endorses Continued Lockdowns
Citing concerns that even “double-masking†as recommended by NIAID Director Dr. Anthony Fauci may not be fully effective in preventing the spread of the pesky flu-like bug known as COVID-19, Inner World Introverts Society issued a statement endorsing…We Reveal Who The Real Q Of Q-Anon Is
Putin Celebrates Over Putting A Big One Over On Americans With His Q-Anon Invention. Scene- A secret meeting room in the most secretive part of the Kremlin- Putin raises a glass of vodka high enough for all to see, as they sat around a huge tab…Covid-19 CAN Be Transmitted Through The Internet Says Dr Fauci
The chief medical advisor to the President, Anthony Fauci has acknowledged the possibility that anyone could contract COVID-19 just by surfing the web, reading an email from an infected person, or even talking on the phone with them; widening the pos…Dr. Seuss Banned: Cuomo Still At Large And Dangerous
BILLINGSGATE POST: This is nuts! Six Dr. Seuss books will no longer be published due to perceived racist and insensitive imagery. At the same time, Governor Cuomo, a serial prevert with a record of talking dirty to young ladies, who prefer to talk…Trump Leads 2024 Presidential Poll of Voters Who Practice Idol Worship
Washington - Former President Donald Trump, appearing at the CPAC to test the loyalty of his followers, has been established as the favorite among the demographic of all voters who gather to honor gold statues of former presidents. Trump gathered…Studies of neanderthal thinking indicate problems of “fear palsy†and loose bowels
President Biden's response to news that Texas and Mississippi will open their states to normal, with no mask mandates, has run into a problem. Biden stated that re-opening at this time is “neanderthal thinkingâ€, plus that it's “critical, critical,…Boston Tea Party Rioters Branded "Domestic Terrorists"
Parliament, London, England. Dec. 30, 1773 Woof Blister with a SINful report for Spoof International News. Lord Acton, chief of the Royal Bureau of Investigation, today branded Sam Adams and the other members of the so-called Boston Tea Party as…Writer Says He's Not Going To Write Any More New Material, As Very Few People Are Reading It
A writer on a satirical news website has said that he is seriously considering his future, after an indepth analytical study of his output revealed that very few people are reading much of his material anymore. The writer, Moys Kenwood, 57, at The…Governor Cuomo Got The Ventilators
Remember last year when people were dropping like flies because of Coronavirus, and Trump - remember him? - wouldn’t enact the Defense Protection Act? There was a shortage of ventilators, and Jared Kushner was saving ventilators for his friends - jus…NCAA March Madness Is Coming To Indiana
INDIANAPOLIS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" After an entire year of planning, the NCAA March Madness Coalition, is finally getting the show on the road, as they say in the circus world. The March Madness Coalition led by executive director Felix K. Burntwhis…Man Cleared Of Theft Of Vegetables
An alleged thief, who has endured the ignominy of many years of accusations that he stole a quantity of vegetables, has finally been cleared of the offence by a court in Peterborough. The falsely-accused man, who would now be 227, went by the name…Why Gov. Cuomo Struck Out With The Young Chicks
BILLINGSGATE POST: He had it all. Minus a decent personality, and lacking any discernible redeeming qualities, he somehow managed to be elected Governor of New York. Not of Ivy League material, he graduated from Fordham University, a mediocre…Dutch Prostitutes claim, "A Blow Job" is a job just like any Job, and demand furlough payments!!
(NOT EDITED) Holland, wonderful nation where 'anything goes' (in), smoking pot, sex between adults of all variations, Dykes on bikes, Red-Light district in the middle of Amsterdam, Prime Ministers taking their caravans on holidays, in fact, a totally…Germany Develops Robots That Can Build Other Robots
BERLIN â€" (Satire News) â€" The Berlin Guten Morgen Gazette has just divulged that Konig Wilhelm Inc. has invented a robot that can make other robots. The process was 17 years in the developmental stage, and was postponed twice due to the robots that…This Season’s Bachelorette Cancelled After The Bachelorette Becomes Pregnant
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" This season’s edition of The Bachelorette has been cancelled after only airing the first three shows. Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors is reporting that the bachelorette Suzi Frillynix, 26, had been been running a fever of…UFO Sightings In Denver Have Increased
DENVER â€" (Satire News) â€" The mayor of Denver, the Mile High City, has just confirmed that there has been a definite increase in the number of Unidentified Flying Object sightings, just since the first of the year. The mayor told members of the med…Ellen DeGeneres Catches a Young Bird
Ellen DeGeneres is now dating an 18-year-old lady with PGOS and she says it's hell on earth. DeGeneres' young bird, Lindsey Boylan, was born with Persistent Genital Orgasmic Syndrome. Persistent Genital Orgasmic Syndrome is a genetic condition tha…Man Has 'That Monday Morning Feeling' On Tuesday
We all know 'that Monday morning feeling', that general detestable loathing at the start of a new week at work which, after a relaxing weekend spent at home or doing some other pleasant activity, grates on one like the proverbial fingernails being sc…A North Korean Warship Spotted Off The Coast of San Francisco
SAN FRANCISCO â€" (Satire News) â€" A retired army general who is now on the San Francisco city council has informed the news media that a North Korean warship was spotted off the coast of San Francisco. General Augustus P. Fesstavelli III stated that…Black America Screams for Justice
LONDON (BN) â€" An independent tribunal in Britain aiming to establish whether the the US government’s alleged rights abuses against African Muslims in America constitute genocide is expected to hear dozens of witness testimonies when it holds its firs…Three American Idol Contestants Are Disqualified
BUENAS NOCHES, California â€" (Satire News) â€" The executives of the number one-rated singing show have informed the Hollywood media that they are very disappointed in the latest American Idol edition. Ipso Facto’s Fuchsia Garfunkel was told by an Am…What is the BIG LIE? Maybe your weight on your driver’s license? Nah, DMV automatically adds twenty pounds. Snatching the second bag of hot nuts from the food trolly when the flight attendant serves the opposite side? No. Flight attendants se…
Andrew Cuomo Never Paid Hush Money To A Porn Star
He’s a flirt. He’s a little too handy. He likes the ladies, particularly the younger ones, or maybe it’s of all ages, but he never paid money to a porn star, and he didn’t have an affair with a Playboy Bunny weeks after his wife gave birth to a child…Local Scientist and Teen Arrested for Storming the Capital
An eccentric inventor and local teen were arrested after a high speed chase with police. Tire spikes finally stopped the DeLorean, estimated to have been going in excess of 80 mph in a construction zone Martin McFly, 18, and Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brow…Local Man Accused in Capital Riot Uses Mandela Defense
A local man arrested for his part in the Capital Riot in January has pleaded not guilty today based on his being from “an alternate realityâ€. Gunter Chang, a local philosophy professor and self-professed trans-dimensional diplomat clarified for the j…The Perseverance Land Rover Discovers Rattlesnakes on Mars
HOUSTON â€" (Satire News) â€" NASA officials are amazingly excited at photos that have just been beamed back to Earth from the Red Planet, which clearly show several rattlesnakes. The Mars rover nicknamed Bonnie, after the infamous Depression female m…