Air Force Academy Forced to Shut Down After Kellyanne Conway Gets Removed from Advisory Board
Colorado Springs, Colorado - After the Biden Administration forced former Trump confidant and sidekick Kellyanne Conway from it's Board of Advisors, the faculty at the Air Force Academy said they have "no choice" but to "close our doors immediately a…Oprah Winfrey Interviews The Extremely Hateful Marjorie Taylor Greene
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" It is no secret that Marjorie Taylor Greene has become the most hated, despised, piece-of-shit politician in the entire United States, and there are lots of them! The National Whispers News Agency has just named Mar…Republicans Lose Minds Over Biden Vaccine Mandate
“Stop medical tyranny.†- Real medical tyranny advised people to drink Clorox and Lysol, but Republicans never said peep over that. So who needs a vaccine anyway? Well, who goes into a battle without a rifle? The Covid pandemic is a battle. A…Three Men Arrested For Molesting Three Giant Goldfish
WOODPECKER BAY, Florida â€" (Satire News) â€" Boom Boom News has revealed that three fishermen from Georgia have been arrested by members of the Woodpecker Bay Police Department. The three individuals, who work for the Diddling Dixie Sheetrock Company…Mar-A-Lago, Florida - Former President Donald Trump, who once declared global warming a Chinese Hoax, has apparently changed his mind according to a recent speech at a gathering of corporate fundraisers near his cult compound in Florida. One well…
A Man in Manhattan Is Attacked With A Bowling Ball
MANHATTAN â€" (Satire News) â€" The Alpha Beta News Agency reports that a 32-year-old Central Park security guard was attacked by a homeless man yielding a Dick Weber Commemorative bowling ball. Rudyard P. Festoon, says that he was sitting on a park b…Woman with dreadful taste in music has bought two new albums from the top ten
Mavis Davidson has always known that she has a bad taste in music, but for the first time in her life, she has actually bought two albums that are high in the music charts. 'Yes' said a clearly delighted Mavis 'I have the new albums by Steps and A…Russia Has a Sure-Fire Plan To Discourage Homosexuality
MOSCOW â€" (Satire News) â€" The Kremlin has announced that they will no longer tolerate the comingling between same-sexers. Stavros Nickavich, spokesperson for the Kremlin, has made it clear that Moscow is not San Francisco, and anyone who wants to k…Boris Johnson delivers Winston Churchill stirring interview on the Beeb with Hugh Pym!
After playing board games with OAP's in an OAP home dressed in a bib and plastic apron, Boris Johnson, UK, PM, refused to be filmed being spoon-fed because it would have damaged his drivelling image further! However, after the fab PR shoot promoti…Man on First Dates really is that dreadful
Self-appointed turner of stomachs Brad appeared on Channel Four's First Dates programme and really was as dreadful as he seemed. 'Usually' said series producer Tracey Heckingthwaite 'we have some editorial control as to what we show, but really wh…Leaves planning to fall, sometime soon
It has been revealed, to no one's great shock or surprise, that leaves are planning to start falling, sometime soon. 'Yes' said leaf Mavis Davis 'we are planning to start falling in a couple of weeks, and some of us will still be in the trees in l…Like Garbo, Trump Speaks Now And Then
Like silent film actress Greta Garbo, Donald Trump speaks now and then. Of course, many would prefer he spoke neither now or then. But he thinks he has something to say. Unfortunately, Trump's most recent something to say praised Confederate General…WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Tabloid Today is reporting that in the history of the U.S. Congress, there has never been a meaner, more Naziesque, more hate-filled bitch or bastard than Marjorie Taylor Greene. TT’s Papaya Bamboo pointed out se…
Mitch McConnell is Suing The Makers of a Viagra-Like Pill, Up Up & Away!
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The Alpha Beta News Agency has just confirmed that Senator Mitch “Turtle Face†McConnell has just filed a lawsuit against the makers of the penis hardening, Viagra-like pill, Up, Up, and Away. The lawsuit claims…AUSTIN â€" (Satire News) â€" The Alpha Beta News Agency is reporting that Governor Greg Abbott has been issued a speeding ticket for going 17 miles over the allowed speed while sitting in his expensive wheel chair. ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, stated…
Sportsmen can't tell politicians apart
The Whippet and Farrow pub was the site of some consternation today as Darts Player Ernie Heckingthwaite and Tiddlywinks player Sidney 'The Tinker' Davies couldn't tell the difference between Gavin Williamson, and that other bloke. 'Imagine my sur…Researchers Are Conducting Research Studies to Study Research Studies
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" The Daily Max reports that an ongoing research study is researching research studies. Daily Max reporter Savannah Stiletto, spoke with one of the nation’s foremost research studiers, Wanda Jane McBudapest, 37, and l…Beyonce and Jay-Z’s Race Horse, “Queen Bee Be-Gone†Wins The Walla Walla Invitational Derby
WALLA WALLA, Washington â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Daily Max News Agency has just announced that a thoroughbred race horse belonging to soul music artist Beyonce and her hip hop singer husband Jay-Z has just won the coveted Walla Walla Invitational Derb…Widespread Marijuana Use Among U.S. College Students Has Shot Through The Damn Roof!
CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" The Alpha Beta News Agency has just revealed a very disappointing trend throughout every college and university in America. ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, has stated that the highly reputable Federal Institute for Drug Abu…Sitcom Writer loses place on the moral high ground
After posting something on Twitter, a man vaguely famous for writing a sitcom that is little remembered realises that he no longer has the moral high ground. Speaking to us over zoom he said 'Yes, I know my show was cancelled, because the BBC was…The 9/11 Red Tie And Orange Sombrero
Donald Trump was babbling again on the 20th Anniversary of 9/11. The eloquence of President Biden and that of all the former living presidents on the 20th Anniversary made Donald Trump’s predictable babbling sound and smelled like last week’s garbage…Incompetent man wishes to be doing his job for another ten years
Incompetent buffoon Geoffrey Rivers has said that he wants to be doing his job for the next ten years. Mr Rivers, who works for the local sewage treatment firm, has said that although his work involves things people don't want to think about, he s…Man living his life like it is a choose your own adventure book, again
Derek Smallwood is living his life as if it is a choose your own adventure book, even though the last time he tried it it was a disaster. Derek revealed the story in his recently Amazon Kindle Published best-seller, CYOA - Just Do it, wherewith e…Shot Of Botox Versus Shot Of Covid Vaccine?
Why do some anti-vax people use Botox to eliminate lines and wrinkles but reject the Covid-19 vaccine that can save their life? Botox is made from a toxin. "Set it up, Joe. Let me have a shot between the eyes and get rid of my 11's.That actress you liked in that thing is in a thing you won't like her in
An actress that you liked in something because she played a nice character, is going to upset you with her turn as someone a lot more unpleasant. In the shocking turn of events, the actress who you like, but whose name you have forgotten will play…CARPINTERIA, California â€" (Satire News) â€" News coming out of the Left Coast, is that the age old “Gilligan’s Island†TV show question, who would you rather boink Ginger or Mary Ann? has now been replaced. Mimosa Sabrosa, with Alpha Beta News, has…
Man regrets buying a set of dumbells, again
After buying a set of dumbells in the first lockdown, Gary Johnson regrets buying a second set, as he lost the first set. 'Now I have two sets of dumbells, and I regret buying the first one' said the easily confused chap. 'I couldn't believe it…That book could have been a bit shorter, say book group
Members of Chutney on the Fritz's book club, which meets at the Hipster and Farrow pub in Grange Lane, have all said that their latest choice 'How to do something to some people and get away with it' could have been a bit shorter. Former teacher,…After Losing To #13 Ranked Oregon, “THE†Ohio State Is Now Simply Being Called Ohio State
COLUMBUS, Ohio â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Football pundits are saying that the once mighty Ohio State Buckeyes, who refer to themselves as “THE†Ohio State are now just being referred to as simply Ohio State. The Buckeyes got beaten by the Oregon Ducks 3…Austin, TX Wood Blister reporting. Gov. Greg Abbott, as he signed the most restrictive anti-abortion law in the country, explained why the law did not provide for abortion after six weeks in cases of rape or incest. "We are abolishing rape and in…