"Kissing His Big Fat Butt†- Nancy Pelosi
Nancy Pelosi wasn’t talking about Santa Claus when she accused White House staffers of, “Kissing his big fat butt.†Oh no! She was addressing the big fat butt of Donald Trump. She went on to say, in Bob Woodward’s new book, Peril, “You know he’s…President Biden Says That Donald Trump Will Be Wearing An Orange Prison Jumpsuit By Christmas
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" President Biden was recently asked what he really thinks about the man who lived in the White House right before him. Can you be more specific? he asked. Yes sir, the Racist-in-Chief, came the reply. Oh, ok…North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un Says He Has Just Cornered The Asian Womens Shoe Market
PYONGYANG, North Korea â€" (World Satire) â€" North Korea’s Rice Paddy News Agency reports that the Korean leader, Kim Jong-un hasn’t been as happy as he is now, since he first discovered his pecker (penis) at the age of 3. Kim Jong-un, who is almost…Texas Governor Abbott Is The Wizard Of Pregnancy
What if a 12-year-old girl, who hasn't started her menstrual cycle, is raped by a relative or neighbor? How could she know if she were pregnant before 5 weeks, Governor Abbott? What if there isn't a doctor in the area or a Planned Parenthood? Supp…Melania Trump Says That The X-Rated Photos of Her Are Fake
BOSTON â€" (Satire News) â€" The Daily Drama News Agency has reported that a group of 29 X-rated photos purported to be of Melania “Be Best†Trump are most probably a bit fake. DDNA reporter Cinderella St. Lamb, noted that the photos were purchased by…A 27-Year-Old Woman Bowler in Baltimore Bowls a Perfect 300 Game Using a Baseball
BALTIMORE â€" (Sports Satire) â€" A 27-year-old female bowler in Baltimore has just bowled what is perhaps the most amazing bowling game in the history of the 10-pin sport. Sportsapalooza reporter Pia Confetti, reported that Lila P. Festivus, who is a…A Female College Wrestler Wrestles and Defeats 4 Male Wrestlers in a Wrestling Meet
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana â€" (Satire News) â€" Sportsapalooza News reports that a female wrestler from Johnny Appleseed University in Indianapolis wrestled and beat four male wrestlers in record time. Officials with the National Collegiate Wrestling Fede…MEXICALI, Mexico â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Mexico’s Las Maracas News Agency has commented that during the last fight of the afternoon, the featured bull, named El Bravisimo Numero Ocho, suddenly lost his footing and ended up in the first row of the Salma H…
German Loony freezes his sperm in freezer and his freezer conked out!
Wiesbaden, Germany: A rather eccentric, scientific experiment, ended in disaster as German Nutter, Friedrich von Schmitz (real name, Freddy Schmitz, common as muck), decided to freeze his sperm in his own freezer so he could be reincarnated after he…NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Taboid Today has just confirmed that Donald Trump’s favorite child has officially entered into the menopausal state. Double T reporter Papaya Bamboo, first broke the story after talking to Ivanka's step-mommy Melani…
The LPGA Finally Agrees To Allow It’s Female Golfers To Wear Bikini Swimsuits
ATLANTA â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that the LPGA powers-that-be have finally gotten with the program and they are going to implement a clothing policy that media experts say will increase TV viewership by at least 700%.Man regrets buying a set of dumbells, again
After buying a set of dumbells in the first lockdown, Gary Johnson regrets buying a second set, as he lost the first set. 'Now I have two sets of dumbells, and I regret buying the first one' said the easily confused chap. 'I couldn't believe it…Oprah Winfrey Interviews The Extremely Hateful Marjorie Taylor Greene
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" It is no secret that Marjorie Taylor Greene has become the most hated, despised, piece-of-shit politician in the entire United States, and there are lots of them! The National Whispers News Agency has just named Mar…Republicans Lose Minds Over Biden Vaccine Mandate
“Stop medical tyranny.†- Real medical tyranny advised people to drink Clorox and Lysol, but Republicans never said peep over that. So who needs a vaccine anyway? Well, who goes into a battle without a rifle? The Covid pandemic is a battle. A…Man living his life like it is a choose your own adventure book, again
Derek Smallwood is living his life as if it is a choose your own adventure book, even though the last time he tried it it was a disaster. Derek revealed the story in his recently Amazon Kindle Published best-seller, CYOA - Just Do it, wherewith e…CARPINTERIA, California â€" (Satire News) â€" News coming out of the Left Coast, is that the age old “Gilligan’s Island†TV show question, who would you rather boink Ginger or Mary Ann? has now been replaced. Mimosa Sabrosa, with Alpha Beta News, has…
Sitcom Writer loses place on the moral high ground
After posting something on Twitter, a man vaguely famous for writing a sitcom that is little remembered realises that he no longer has the moral high ground. Speaking to us over zoom he said 'Yes, I know my show was cancelled, because the BBC was…Three Men Arrested For Molesting Three Giant Goldfish
WOODPECKER BAY, Florida â€" (Satire News) â€" Boom Boom News has revealed that three fishermen from Georgia have been arrested by members of the Woodpecker Bay Police Department. The three individuals, who work for the Diddling Dixie Sheetrock Company…Tennis Ball Complaining of a headache
After playing a vitally important role in a vitally important tennis match tennis ball John Bartholemew is complaining about a headache. 'Don't get me wrong' said John 'I will always be grateful for the exposure, but when you are being hit about o…Man curating his pencil shavings collection
Brian Asshat, Chutney on the Fritz's most colourful character will spend today curating his pencil shavings, after sneezing on them last night. 'Yes, it is a complete nightmare' wrote Brian on his blog 'I sneezed, and my carefully curated collecti…That book could have been a bit shorter, say book group
Members of Chutney on the Fritz's book club, which meets at the Hipster and Farrow pub in Grange Lane, have all said that their latest choice 'How to do something to some people and get away with it' could have been a bit shorter. Former teacher,…Widespread Marijuana Use Among U.S. College Students Has Shot Through The Damn Roof!
CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" The Alpha Beta News Agency has just revealed a very disappointing trend throughout every college and university in America. ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, has stated that the highly reputable Federal Institute for Drug Abu…Shot Of Botox Versus Shot Of Covid Vaccine?
Why do some anti-vax people use Botox to eliminate lines and wrinkles but reject the Covid-19 vaccine that can save their life? Botox is made from a toxin. "Set it up, Joe. Let me have a shot between the eyes and get rid of my 11's.Incompetent man wishes to be doing his job for another ten years
Incompetent buffoon Geoffrey Rivers has said that he wants to be doing his job for the next ten years. Mr Rivers, who works for the local sewage treatment firm, has said that although his work involves things people don't want to think about, he s…A Man in Manhattan Is Attacked With A Bowling Ball
MANHATTAN â€" (Satire News) â€" The Alpha Beta News Agency reports that a 32-year-old Central Park security guard was attacked by a homeless man yielding a Dick Weber Commemorative bowling ball. Rudyard P. Festoon, says that he was sitting on a park b…The 9/11 Red Tie And Orange Sombrero
Donald Trump was babbling again on the 20th Anniversary of 9/11. The eloquence of President Biden and that of all the former living presidents on the 20th Anniversary made Donald Trump’s predictable babbling sound and smelled like last week’s garbage…That actress you liked in that thing is in a thing you won't like her in
An actress that you liked in something because she played a nice character, is going to upset you with her turn as someone a lot more unpleasant. In the shocking turn of events, the actress who you like, but whose name you have forgotten will play…Woman with dreadful taste in music has bought two new albums from the top ten
Mavis Davidson has always known that she has a bad taste in music, but for the first time in her life, she has actually bought two albums that are high in the music charts. 'Yes' said a clearly delighted Mavis 'I have the new albums by Steps and A…After Losing To #13 Ranked Oregon, “THE†Ohio State Is Now Simply Being Called Ohio State
COLUMBUS, Ohio â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Football pundits are saying that the once mighty Ohio State Buckeyes, who refer to themselves as “THE†Ohio State are now just being referred to as simply Ohio State. The Buckeyes got beaten by the Oregon Ducks 3…Woman has the birdie song as an ear-worm
Penny Farthing, a 39-year-old woman about town has told people that she currently has The Birdie Song as an earworm. 'I had a really bad fever dream last night, remembering a family wedding, and seeing Uncle Derek dancing to the Birdie Song, and n…