Government Ministers In A&E Crisis
Government health adviser Gerda Funnifeelin says she is concerned about the Government's response to an A&E crisis. “Many ministers don’t appear to able to distinguish their A from their E,†she said. “That is despite taking their 100k, and being…Suicide rates peak in the UK as government announce 10 PM closures in pubs and clubs!
(NOT EDITED) Covid 19 is killing less, no doubt. However, infection rates are soaring all over the planet, and especially in the UK because younger boozers and clubbers are so utterly irresponsible, they are causing 'Covid Peaks' all over the country…DVD Player Keeps 'Sticking' Halfway Through Films
There's nothing like settling back on the settee with the wife, a nice drink, and a packet of salt 'n' vinegar crisps, and watching a DVD, but one man has told how his enjoyment of these televisual feasts has been ruined recently, after his DVD playe…A man who started to read a new and potentially exciting book yesterday afternoon, was astonished when he opened it up at Chapter 1, only to find the pages had no numbers! 'La Reve' ('The Dream') by noted French writer Emile Zola was the book, and…
Vice President Mike Pence Takes Steps To Quash Donald Trump
The telephone operators at the Vice President’s residence listened to the conversations between Pence and the rest of the Cabinet. If the conversation was saleable, it pointed toward early retirement. “Time to send Trump back to Trump Tower. He’s…NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Ashburn Wasabi, with The Right Coast Revue, writes that the political phrase “Playing Politics†has never been more appropriate than it is today with the undisputed “King of Hatred†who sits in the White House, at lea…
Philadelphia Eagles' Wentz Booed Off the Field By Cardboard Fans
In Sunday’s game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Los Angeles Rams, Eagles’ quarterback, Carson Wentz, was booed off the field after throwing his second interception of the game. While this was surprising, even more surprising was the fact th…Ginsberg’s Death Spurs Two Congressional Investigations.
Judge Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s death within just weeks of the presidential election is spurring two expedited congressional investigations. Adam Schiff, Chair of the House Intelligence Committee, is investigating whether the Russians, with Trump’s know…Ginsburg To Be Stuffed And Mounted On Trigger In Branson Museum
BILLINGSGATE POST: The most famous dead horse in the world will be joined by Ruth Bader Ginsburg at a museum in Branson, Missouri, where Roy Rogers’ faithful steed Trigger is displayed. Trigger was a horse, of course. Like Ginsburg, who graduated…Dallas Cowboys Players 'Snorted Cocaine' At Halftime, Claims Fan
The Dallas Cowboys like to do it the hard way, and they did it the hard way against Atlanta last night, after coming back from a huge first quarter deficit of 20 points, and a 29-10 halftime reverse, to steal the game away from the Falcons 'at the de…Manchester United Set To Sign Player With Foreign Name
There's been frantic activity in the football transfer market this afternnon, with several of the top Premier League clubs swelling their ranks with a whole host of skilful, talented, overpaid primadonnas, who will, no doubt, take those clubs for eve…Global bank purchases 5000 washing machines to launder their filthy money!
(NOT EDITED) German electro giants, Miele, have just done a mega-deal with a giant, global bank. They've flogged and delivered one of their most sufficient washing machines to locations all over the planet. The bank who purchased the machines, req…New York City Prostitutes Are Angry That President Trump Has Cut Off Their Unemployment Benefits
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - Fox News is reporting that there are lots of unhappy, unemployed streetwalkers in the Big Apple. It seems that all of the city’s prostitutes are no longer receiving their unemployment benefits, since President Trump…2020 Lindsey Graham: “Don’t Listen to 2016 Lindsey Graham He’s a Liar!â€
Washington - Speaking before the Senate Judiciary Committee on Monday, Chairman Senator 2020 Lindsey Graham said he would push through a replacement for Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg immediately, not even pausing to commemorate the fallen…Trump Moves To Create Tik Tok History Academies in Each State
Donald Trump announced today, with Bitsy Devoss by his side, a plan to create nationwide academies funded by Tik Tok, to teach what he claims to be "correct" American History. "Today, with the help of a Chinese-owned digital giant, we are announci…Manchester United fan decides to watch football, so he goes to Liverpool!
Manchester United are supposed to be a giant English football team. However, many of their fans cannot believe they are actually playing the game they are supposed to be playing! Their players kick the ball, yes; they have eleven players on the pi…Biden Casually Kills Off Two Thirds of Americans
Yesterday, in a speech honoring the late Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Joe Biden took the opportunity to criticize President Trump for his handling of the coronavirus. According to Mr. Biden, by the time he finished his speech, about 200 million Americans, or…Dak Prescott and The Dallas Cowboys Silence The Boo Birds
DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Dallas Cowboys started the game looking more like the Dallas Cowgirls as they fumbled, jumbled, and stumbled as if they were playing on ice. Jerry Jones’ Cowboys acted as if the ball was covered with 30 weight motor…Second Impeachment Trial For Donald Trump
Ouch! One more time! Donald Trump has secluded himself in the White House, stunned with the revelation that Democrats are mulling over the possibility of a second impeachment trial. So reported a White House source. Maybe even before Christma…A Kentucky Thoroughbred Race Horse Amazingly Gives Birth to Triplets
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The world of thoroughbred racing has been turned upside down as news out of Louisville says that a race horse has given birth to triplets. The odds of a mare having twins is amazing, but giving birth to tri…Deja Voodoo: Biden Names Kamala Harris For Supreme Court
BILLINGSGATE POST: With the news that Kamala “Breath†Harris had supplanted him for top billing on the Democrat Presidential ticket, Joe Biden returned the favor by choosing her to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court. To put this in…Republicans Are Getting Gosh, Gee Nervous
White House Press Secretary Brian Morgenstern has had his red bullfighter’s cape in hand, and has been flashing it back and forth. How dare the Democrats stop laying down dead, and use politics to fight back. Who do they think they are? Republicans?…Man Spent Afternoon Listening To Linton Kwesi Johnson
A man who read of a possible change in the way words in the English language are spelt, has told of how he dreamt up another similar scheme after spending yesterday afternoon listening to the Jamaican reggae poet, Linton Kwesi Johnson. A story on…Three States Have Banned Gender Reveal Parties
SAN FRANCISCO â€" (Satire News) - The National Department of Forestry has just issued a mandate that, effective immediately, the inconsiderate practice of having gender reveal parties outside using fireworks will be prohibited. The Pismo Beach Purpo…President Trump Misunderstood The Message Of American History X
Experts analyzing President Donald Trump's tenure in the White House have come to the unanimous conclusion that the whole four years spent leading the country were an unprecedented presidential disaster. But everybody knows that. Even a blind m…Donald Trump To Pick Ivanka For Supreme Court
Leaked to the press today by a White House consigliere, (looking for early retirement) Donald Trump decided to select daughter Ivanka for the Supreme Court vacancy created with the death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Tiffany, daughter number two…MANCHESTER, England â€" (Sports Satire) â€" London's Tickety Boo News is reporting that Manchester United footballer Jacob Harry Maguire is very upset about the news of him being caught with performance enhancing drugs. The Red Devils star said that h…
Bernie Sanders Is Set to Accept Secretary of State Position
Bernie Sanders has decided to accept Joseph Biden's offer to become secretary of state in the Biden administration, making him the public figure to the world, Sanders said, Friday. The accord between the two leading figures of the Democratic Party…Man Considering Future In Landscape Gardening
A man who saw his back garden become a lake as it was submerged during a torrential downpour of rain over the weekend, has said he is considering his future employment prospects, and may decide to venture into the world of landscape gardening. Moy…