Woman Looked As If She'd Got Dressed In The Dark
Fashions are different the world over, and it's a widely-used saying that "it wouldn't do for us all to look the same", but there are limits, and the way one woman was attired at the weekend left a man who saw her thinking that she might have got dre…
Picking noses in public in the UK is now forbidden!
(NOT EDITED) Latest Covid guidelines issued by the UK PM, and his advisors, has caused riots in major cities all over the country. Mainly men are protesting about the regulation because mainly men do it in public. Whereby, females tend to be more dis…
The Bear - Obama - Is Off His Leash
The Bear Is Off His Leash means that Barack Obama is on the campaign trail. While off the leash, Obama is gleefully bashing Donald Trump. During a campaign stop in Florida, former President Barack Obama made a campaign announcement by way of needling…
Top 10 Reasons to Reelect President Trump
Here are the top 10 reasons for patriotic Americans to reelect President Donald J. Trump. But don’t worry if you can’t make it to the polls on election day. It might not matter at the end of that day. If, by some unimaginable fluke, President T…
Jennifer Aniston Implores Everyone to Please, Please Not Vote For That Super Messed Up Clown Kanye West The Pest
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that one of the most respected actresses in Tinsel Town is asking that no one vote for Kanye West. Jennifer Aniston said that she really and truly hopes that no one out there is dumb eno…
Man Couldn't Give A Fuck That Only One Person Is Following Him On Facebook
A man who joined the Facebook social media platform eight years ago, has said he "really couldn't care less", after it came to light that he has a grand total of only one person following him. The man, originally from Hull in East Yorkshire, 57-ye…
Houston Astros Super Star George Springer Says He Doesn’t Want To Be An Astro Anymore
HOUSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" According to Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine, Astros outfielder George Springer no longer wants to play for the Astros. Springer, who is now a free agent, spoke with SBIM’s Dottie Bazooka, and told her that there are…
When Your Dog Goes To Rainbow Bridge
BILLINGSGATE POST: With the recent loss of my beloved little rescue dog, I am publishing a beautiful eulogy written by an unknown author. My heart is still heavy. I hope you understand: RAINBOW BRIDGE Just this side of heaven is a place calle…
The Los Angeles Dodgers, Just Like The Los Angeles Lakers Are World Champions
ARLINGTON, Texas â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The city of Los Angeles is brimming with pride, as, once again, and within a month, an L.A. team has captured the world championship. The Dodgers defeated The Tampa Bay Devil Rays 3-1 in game six, to take the W…
"If you build it they will come"
President Trump complained to reporters that he saw so many brown faces in Arizona that he thought he was in Mexico. "I say I'm building a wall, so here they come…faces half covered, ready to steal jobs from real Americans." When the current…
Japan Documentary Woman Made Odd Sound
A documentary about a village that practised sericulture, the farming of silkworms and their cocoons, which is now almost deserted due to the lack of demand for the cocoons, featured a strange woman who made an even stranger sound whenever she acknow…
Chris Grayling - My Life as Mr Noseybonk
Hello there, all you good people, Chris Grayling here. You know, the bloke who gets to move from one job to another and then another, until I find one I really like. Anyway, I am on a really cushy number now, I work 7 hours a week, and I am paid £…
Donald Trump To Be Defeated By ‘Sleepy Joe’
Donald Trump likes to give his opponents silly names, thinking it will make him appear superior. Immature? Yes, but that’s where he remains, and now it’s to be expected from The Bump. Feeling superior to Joe Biden, allegedly because he inherited 4…
Biden administration forecasts long dark winter “everything in sight locked downâ€
It is no secret that with millions of ballots already cast, Mr. Biden is ahead in the upcoming November 3 presidential election. Accordingly, he has offered a far-ranging look into coming days with himself at the helm of the United States. Tra…
Giant Fly enters Presidential Race
In an astounding moment of bravery, representatives for last-minute voting statistics have reported a late entry into the presidential race, with the signing of The Giant Fly to the roster of eligible candidates. Through an insect interpreter, Th…
Sheep have more brains than humans claim Dutch scientists!
(NOT EDITED) In these quite desperate times, you know what I mean, a group of Dutch scientists decided to look at human intelligence compared to sheep's intelligence. They spent weeks and months studying sheep in the flatlands covering Holland. They…
Recreational athlete misses locker room banter, can't wait to catch up on latest pubic hairstyles
Local athlete Jeff Miller announced today he can't wait for the restart of his men's ice hockey league so he can stay up-to-date with the latest news and pubic hair fashions. "While chatting about stocks or listening to the latest raunchy joke, I…
Trump to leave the White House through the sewage system
Trailing in the polls, it looks increasingly likely that Donald Trump will lose the upcoming presidential election. With his fragile ego and narcissistic personality disorder, it is unlikely that Trump will be able to face the reality of losing so…
Biden Seen Leaving Tomb: Claims To Have Suburban Mummy Vote
BILLINGSGATE POST: Pollsters who predicted Sleepy Joe Biden would get the suburban mummy vote were vindicated by reports that heavily-bandaged mummies were seen standing in line to cast their vote for the man who looks like he has spent the past 3,00…
Self-Made Entrepreneur Jared Kushner Says Blacks Need to Get Motivated to be Successful Like Him
Washington - The first Son-In-Law of the nation, Jared Kushner, spoke in a campaign speech on behalf of his father-in-law Donald Trump and commented to African Americans about their lack of motivation to become as successful as he is. "We can't w…
Do you wear a cravat?
Dapper men throughout the country are being reminded that November, is, as it has always been, the Cravat month of the year. Adrian Rathbone, from new publication Cravat Wearer's Monthly, told us: 'It is not a well-known fact, but November is actu…
Life
After listening to Classic Gold on Radio Arse and Elbow, a man about town, Raymond Ving, has hit a brick wall. 'Life by Desreee came on the radio, and suddenly my life doesn't make sense any more.' In order to help Raymond with his quandary, ca…
The Sexy Blonde Pole Dancer Who Claimed to Have Had Sexual Relations With 13 NBA Players Has Taken a Lie-Detector Test
RABBIT HOLE, Rhode Island - (Sports Satire) â€" Jolene Butterwood 24, of Rabbit Hole, Rhode Island, claimed she had 55 video tapes of her doing the belly-bumping with 13 different NBA pro basketballers. Miss Butterwood was forced to take a lie-detec…
The Fox News Building is Infested With The Coronavirus
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" The Boston Addresser Chronicle has reported that the entire Fox News building may have to be demolished due to a horrendous Coronavirus infestation. A Fox News insider said that some of the top employees including B…
Teacher Was Tempted To Fart In Student's Face
A student who was showing off to his friends and indulging in the centuries-old prank of walking close behind a teacher and emulating his every move, ran the very real risk of inviting vengeance on a hitherto-unknown scale, when the teacher briefly c…
North Korea Tourist Boom
It's well known that North Korea is one of the most secretive states in the world. However, North Korea watchers tell us that, since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a radical increase in the number of people choosing North Korea as…
How Donald Trump Will Win The 2020 Election
Donald Trump will win the 2020 election. Get the smelling salts out and take a deep breath. He will win the 2020 election using the same playbook as pal Vladimir Putin. And he’s already started. Vladimir Putin poisoned his last opponent, who ended…
Man Farted Loudly In Lift
In a situation very similar to ones in which many readers will, no doubt, have found themselves, a man in an elevator shattered the perfect silence being observed by its passengers by releasing an extra-loud fart. The pump was so loud, that the li…
Hillary Clinton to shake booty for Biden (and cabinet position) at final rallies up to November 3
It is no rumor that Ms. Clinton has stated (smiling) she is looking forward to a cabinet position in Joe Biden's presidency. Moreover, Mr. Biden's rallies have left a somewhat pallid impression as having relatively few supporters and a certain dra…
"Sanctimonious deference" carps the Prime Minister. Penalties to be imposed on Britons who do not contract Covid 19
In his latest U-turn, Boris Johnson has heralded herd immunity as the golden path to obliterating the coronavirus. "I will no longer tolerate this sanctimonious deference and Pecksniffian capitulation with regard to Covid 19. I will not allow a fe…
