Man Is Uninterested In Presidential Election Result
A man who has no interest in, or understanding of, politics has revealed how uninterested he is in the outcome of the 2020 US presidential election being so closely contended by President Trump and his bitter rival, Sir Jose Biden. Moys Kenwood, 5…Plastic Visor Is Impeding Man's Vision
The Coronavirus has changed our perspective on life a great deal, what with having to take all kinds of precautions to limit its spread, but one man has complained that a plastic visor he has been asked to wear at work, is preventing him from being a…Losing The Election, Trump Screams “Stop The Vote Count!â€
Losing the election, Trump is screaming, “Stop the vote count!†Who could have guessed? Guessed what? That Donald Trump would protest the vote count when he sees he is losing. Trump is sending his supporters, who don’t appear to have stead…Sleepy Joe Biden Celebrates Election Victory With A Snooze
It might not have been the most ecstatic way to have celebrated a presidential election victory, but Joe Biden knows what he likes, and the new US president took it all in his stride, waved away delirious Democrat party revellers, and settled down in…Russian Hookers Hope To Pee On Sleepy Joe’s Bed
BILLINGSGATE POST: As part of the transition between administrations, if Biden should win the presidency, Irma and Irina (last names redacted), a Russian hooker tag team, hope to be invited to pee on Sleepy Joe Biden’s bed; a tradition that started…Snakes and Ladders has mega-revival in US
The depiction of serpents slithering up and down ladders if one throws a dice correctly, or incorrectly, has taken on a new meaning in 2020. Many US citizens seeking psychological help in these very distressing times - lockdowns, masks, presidenti…Trump sues Democrat voters for not voting for him
The state of Pennsylvania, home of the Amish and birthplace of the pencil, was in the news today as it proved to be a crucial battleground in the US election. President Trump was ahead in early voting, but as early ballots and mail-in votes came in -…Late sweep by US Postal Service credited with Mondale 2020 victory
The intensive late push by the US Postal Service to leave "no stone unturned" in their search for mail-in ballots is considered responsible for the surprise Walter Mondale victory in the 2020 American Presidential election. The effort by mail sort…Woman Appeared To Be Doing Something Very Disgusting
A quite innocent picture of a woman playing a recorder has been described as "suggestive" by a man who clearly has a mind like a sewer. The picture, contained in the image library of satirical news website TheSpoof.com, was noticed by one of the s…WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" According to the Vox Populi News Agency, Trump says that every vote that was cast in California and New York state will be nullified. He stated that he has personally investigated the situation, and found that vo…
TALLAHASSEE, Florida â€" (Satire News) â€" The iRumors News Agency has found out that 2.9 million of the votes cast for Trump in the Plywood State were cast by Cubans, who are living in the United States illegally. The agency stated that most of the i…
In an incredible turnaround in fortunes in the 2020 race to the White House, it's just been announced in the last few minutes, that against all prior expectations, and in contrast to all of the expert opinions expressed by political pundits, Presiden…
Judgemental Old Men in Red Hats
As winter is extending its dread grasp through the year, it is time to think of two old judgemental men in red hats. That's right, Donald Trump and Santa Claus. One is very rich, due to the fact that his father was a very rich man, the other goes…Hope Hicks Says The President Has Texted Her 291 Times Since The Election Polls Closed on Tuesday
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider, who is very close to Trump’s chief adviser, and reputed inamorata, Hope Hicks, claims that Hicks said that the president is extremely depressed and may end up hurting himself. Hicks reveale…Toronto Raptors upset at low election turnout by area fans
Members of the Toronto Raptors, Canada's only team in the National Basketball Association, were despairing at the exceptionally low voter turnout by local fans in Tuesday's US Presidential election, despite significant efforts to engage with fans of…Living in natural surroundings can sometimes be a place with hazardous slip-ups. Treading in cow's poo, running over farm cats, a house filled with unwanted lodgers called spiders, trees dropping their glorious autumn leaves, among many other disadva…
Election Latest! Election Latest!
The present mayor of Timbuktu, a desert village sunk in Saharan sands, who brutally rules over 5 mud huts, a pub with no beer, and a hotel with no rooms, has lost the local election. Results were impeded by a plague of locusts devouring the ballot…Obituary: Sean Connery Discovers You Only Live Once
Sean Connery, the actor who died at the weekend, having had a long and successful career 'tramping the boards' - not least in the James Bond movies - has finally found that, contrary to popular belief, you only live once. Connery died on Saturday,…The Latest Rumor Coming out of The North Pole is That Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer is Gay
THE NORTH POLE â€" (Satire News) â€" Fox News is reporting that they have it from a 'fair and balanced' source that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is gay. Semi-top notch reporter Greg Gutfeld said that he spoke to one of Santa’s favorite Christmas elv…WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Many of the nation's news agencies are saying that most of President Trump’s staff are clearly seeing the writing on the wall, and are already starting to pack. They say the staffers want to get ahead of the let’…
Biden replaces himself with Fauci as candidate for the presidency
“As soon as I lit that rocket, I knew it had to soar further,†Mr. Biden said, right after closing a rally in Ohio. He had just told fans at the rally that he would “hire Mr. Fauci and fire Mr. Trump.†Then came his further brainstorm. Cont…Lockdown ruining trade, say filchers
Burglars, petty thieves, filchers and citizens generally accustomed to purloining for a living have had enough. They are to strike as of next Tuesday. "It's getting ridiculous", said Bob Loot, Chairman of the League of Crooks and Pilferers, "peopl…Portrait wins first prize but not public approval
A popular portrait artist has won an.exhibition despite most visitors expressing negative comments about it. The painting, by Norbert Waddell, was an unusual portrait of a local MP wearing nothing but a fur coat while holding a number 6 spanner. T…CORN SHUCK, Iowa â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump, hot on his Campaign of Hate Tour, spoke before a paltry crowd of 92 people in Corn Shuck, Iowa, home of nothing but cornfields and corn farmers. He told the audience that corn is his most favorit…
Terminator Creator Reveals Idea For Story Came From Time Traveller From The Future
James Cameron, the creator of the 1984 blockbuster movie 'The Terminator', starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, has confessed that the brilliant idea for the story came from a totally unexpected source. The concept, says Cameron, which is almost beyon…Sean Connery James Bond Comeback Shelved
There was a major disappointment for James Bond fans at the weekend, when the proposed comeback of Sean Connery as 007 had to be abandoned when the actor gave up his ghost. Connery, 90, had starred in Bond adventures since he was a small boy, and,…FBI Estimates 31 Million Russians in US
WASHINGTON DC - Early in the 2016 Election Year, US Intelligence Agencies began investigations for Russian influence. Democrats often blame the Hillary Presidential Election Loss on CIA incompetence. Initially, the most convincing evidence for Donald…Every Presidential Poll Shows That President Trump’s Ass is Toast
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Most of the reputable US political polls are showing that President Trump’s ass is toast, to use a popular southern cooking term. The Quintessential Poll, one of the most reputable polls n the nation, is going as fa…Trump To Declare Victory Moment He’s One Vote Ahead
It has been made clear (by Donald Trump) that Donald Trump is planning to declare victory as soon as he is one vote ahead in the count on November 3rd. That could happen well before the polls close in California and before the votes are certified.Global Warming: Man’s Seasonal Depression Worse Every Year
A local man announced on Monday that he feels his seasonal depression gets worse and worse every year, and scientists say this is yet another effect of global warming. Michael Blackstone, 31, says that his depression is most severe when daylight…