Blog Archive

Sunday, 27 September 2020

Russian Vaccine To Be Mass Produced For US Market At Trump Sperm Banks

There was great news for the entire country, and even the world, this morning, when it was revealed that the Coronavirus vaccine currently being tested in Russia, is to be mass produced within the United States at President Trump's extensive network…

Man's Wife Never Listens To A Word He Says

It's something that's often said in jest between married couples, or between parents and children, or jokily between colleagues at work in a 'bantering' way, but there was nothing bantersome about one man's complaint this week, when he revealed that…

BBC Question Time Reclassified as Comedy

In an announcement tonight which is shocking to absolutely nobody, the new Director General of the BBC has announced that the flagship political discussion program "Question Time" will now be treated as a third-rate sitcom "It's bloody terrible,"…

Trump Won’t Commit To Leaving Office When He Loses. Oh Yeah?

Donald Trump says he won’t leave the White House IF he loses the election. Fella, you don’t own the White House. You are a guest of the American voter. You pay for your daily occupancy with winning votes. It’s like staying at a hotel, or one of y…

Man Oblivious To Bacon Factory Fire After Being Distracted By Nice Smell

A man has recounted how he remained unaware of a blaze at a local bacon processing factory, despite noticing a 'delicious smell'. Myke Woodson, 57, was sitting reading a book in the back garden of his mother's house in Oaf-on-Sea, when, all of a s…

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Never Takes Face Mask Off These Days

In news that will surprise many readers, the Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has said he has 'learnt his Greek lesson', and, these days, never takes his face mask off. Maguire was recently arrested on the Greek sunshine isla…

Trump Can Play The Banjo With His Toes

Ever since watching the 1972 film Deliverance, Donald Trump has been intrigued by the banjo, and has become very proficient with that instrument. So much so, that he has managed to learn to play the banjo - with his toes! Of course, the banjo doe…

Where’s Hunter?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Elvis has been sighted more often than Hunter Biden. He was born with a plastic face and a silver spoon in his mouth. The guy was kicked out of the Navy. Do you know how hard it is to get kicked out of the Navy when your old man is…

Congressman Nadler Defiled the Office!

Washington D.C.; President Trump was furious upon learning the Congressman Jerry Nadler defecated on live TV yesterday. It’s rumored that he wanted the flags flown upside down at the Capitol building, but feared it might send the wrong message about…

Donald Trump Is A Sore Loser

Before the election returns are even in and counted, Donald Trump is behaving as though he knows with absolute certainty that he is about to be fired by the American voters. Trump doesn’t seem to notice that his White House performance fell short…

Joe Biden’s Campaign Team Has Invited Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal to Sit in The Front Row at The Presidential Debate

DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" Democratic presidential candidate and the champion of the working class, Joe Biden, flew to his home town to pick up some more clean clothes. While in Dover, he spoke with a reporter with the Vox Populi News Agenc…

The mafia lives in strange places

With a net worth of $15 billion, the Vatican has become a magnet for many crime organizations. "Getting an inside man into the Vatican is the best bet to get at some of that loot," says Mafia insider, Theodore Anthony Melendez. In a recent ca…

Flu Vaccine Being Rolled Out Earlier

The best time to have the flu vaccine is in the autumn before flu starts spreading. This year, changes have been made to make sure it's safe for people to have the flu vaccine at GP surgeries and pharmacies. These changes include social distancing, h…

China to ship free upgrade to COVID-20

Following worldwide criticism of COVID-19, it has emerged that China will start shipping a free upgrade by the end of this November. COVID-20 will be available to all countries currently using COVID-19, and incorporates several important new bugs.

Cat fighting not forbidden in German backgarden's!

(NOT EDITED) After a series of aggressive cats having 'pops' at each other in a German back garden in Iserlohn, a clever pit-bull owner thought, "I can make mega-Marks, sorry Euros, out of these cats 'popping' at each other." So, he built himself…

President Trump Insists That Sean Hannity Be The TV Debate Moderator Instead of Chris Wallace

BERLIN, Vermont â€" (Satire News) â€" The president had a campaign rally in the town of Berlin, which is noted for having the same name as the city in Germany. POTUS told the crowd, which he estimated to be at least 800,000, that he is almost ready fo…

Donald Trump Sperm Bank Project To Go Ahead

President Donald Trump may finally have gone some way to acknowledging his own part in the deaths of more than 200,000 US citizens from the Coronavirus, by announcing his intention to open brand new state-of-the-art sperm banks in every major city ac…

Used condoms for sale

Beijing, Chinaâ€" Cops in China have seized more than 800,000 used condoms that had been boiled, dried and put up for sale, in a southern province. Chinese authorities traced the condoms to a small business in San Francisco California run by an old…

Donald Trump Denied Entry At Sperm Bank

There was controversy in downtown Manhattan this morning, when President Donald Trump was refused entry at a local sperm bank during an unannounced flying visit to New York. The incident happened at the Lower East Side Sperm Donation Center on Eas…

Shock Findings Expose Obesity's Causes

Scientists in China have been studying the main causes of obesity. For the last seven years, the Wuhan Fat Observatory has been testing overweight people, and have just published their findings. The main factor appears to be caused by bacteria in…

The Nazi Alliance of AmeriKKKa Names President Trump It’s 2020 “Man of the Year”

ROTTEN PEACHES, Georgia â€" (Satire News) â€" One of the biggest Nazi organizations in the nation, the Nazi Alliance of AmeriKKKa, has just bestowed its annual “Man of the Year” award to President Donald Trump. The president will join a list of former…

Man Finds It Difficult To Eat When Wearing A Face Mask

A man who strictly obeys rules and has been closely observing the government's instructions during the Coronavirus pandemic, has said that, although he wears a protective face mask all of the time, this causes problems when he is taking his meals.

New England Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Has Just Had The Drug Charges Against Him Dropped

BOSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The district attorney of Boston has just made New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft one very happy man. The Pats owner was told that the charges stemming from his visit to the Asian House of Hornyism, and allegedly com…

57 Hurricanes, 83 Earthquakes, and 179 Wildfires, and Still President Trump Insists That There’s No Global Warming

ELEPHANT BUTT, Ohio â€" (Satire News) â€" The 45th president spoke to a crowd of supporters and semi-supporters in the tiny town of Elephant Butt. And, right off the bat, he took a shot at the black Democratic vice-presidential candidate, Kamala Harr…

Newly Discovered Reports Show That Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham Have Received Campaign Donations From The Kremlin

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" France’s Ohh La La News Agency is reporting that they have discovered secret reports showing that the Kremlin has contributed quite a lot of money to two U.S. senatorial campaigns. The report shows that Kentucky…

Thunderbirds Brains Moves Into New Home With Boyfriend

There was happy news in the world of children's entertainment this week, when Brains, the clever one from 'Thunderbirds', moved into his brand new multi-million-dollar home in the Los Angeles hills, along with his boyfriend. Brains, now 71, but lo…

The Name Karen Is Now The Most Unpopular Female Baby Name in The U.S.

CHICAGO - (Satire News) â€" The National Baby-Naming Registry Federation has just announced that, in the past two months, there has not been a single female baby anywhere in the entire nation given the name Karen. Federation assistant director Alana…

President Trump is Thrilled That The Trumpapalooza Ass-Kickin’ Band Has Written a Song For His Campaign Rallies

NASHVILLE â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump’s favorite musical band has just informed him that they have written a campaign song for him to use at all of his campaign pep rallies. Cyrus Flick, who plays fiddle with the Trumpapalooza Ass-Kickin- Ba…

Waitress Grateful For Enormous Tip

A New Orleans waitress received the shock of her life when presented with an enormous tip after serving a single male customer. “I had never seen anything as big as that,” Ashley recounted on her Facebook Page, where local news sources picked up…

Joe Biden Says Since Trump Is Not Going To Wear a Mask, He Plans to Wear a Haz-Mat Suit For The Televised Presidential Debates

PASCAGOULA, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) - Joe Biden says that he will go ahead with the presidential debate even though Trump refuses to wear a Coronavirus mask. The former vice-president told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that, unlike Donald, he cares ab…

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