Saturday, 5 September 2020

Man Who Likes To Use The Phrase 'By The Skin Of His Teeth', Realizes Teeth Don't Have Skin

Writers describing hair-raising adventures and dangerous situations from which an escape is, somehow, miraculously effected, are often known to use the phrase "by the skin of his teeth" when doing so, but one man who has used this phrase had to stop…

Man Has Stopped Saying "Hello"

In a move that would have the former Commodores singer Lionel Richie spinning in his grave - if he were dead, which he isn't, one man has decided that, henceforth, he is not going to say the word "Hello" anymore. The reason is simple. "Overuse,…

Losers And Suckers, Vote Twice For Trump, And His Hair Is The Thing

September Election News: Unbelievably, the Trump election campaign has doubled down at the start of the month, making Trump’s defeat certain. More stuff is coming out about the real Donald Trump, and while always suspected, this new stuff is traitoro…

Man who says asking for a friend, doesn't have any friends

John Hargreaves, a man about town from Tipping on the Wold, who always uses the phrase Asking for a Friend, has revealed, that, sadly, he doesn't have any friends. The rambunctious 37-year-old kettle descaler told us: 'Yes, I say it all of the tim…

Man writes quick story, just to say he's done one today

A frequent contributor to an online satirical news website has spoken of how he quickly wrote a story in about ten minutes, just to say he'd done one for today, and so that other contributors wouldn't get to totally monopolise the pages of The Spoof.

Man who tells people he can't complain spending time complaining

Barry Smyth, from Mithering on the Trent, always tells people, when asked how he is, that he can't complain. Judging from his recent behaviour on Trip Advisor, Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else, though, he has spent Lockdown doing very little o…

Meghan Markle says Melania Trump's green dress was from Primark

Meghan Markle, the wife of Prince Harry, has become involved in a controversy after commenting that Melania Trump, the wife of President Donald Trump, wore a dress to the Republican Convention which she, herself, has seen for sale in the online cloth…

Dow Hits 29,000; "Will it Poof?" Asks Puffitt

Omaha, Nebraska. USA. Woof Blister with another SOB story - Spoof On Business. Only a week after the Dow came within 1,000 points of wiping out the 11,000-point pandemic bear market, the Dow today closed less than 500 points short of that goal. Coupl…

Writer claims spoof story is the most controversial ever written

A frequent contributor to an online satirical news website has claimed that a story he has wriiten could easily be described as 'The Most Controversial Spoof Story in History', in order to draw attention to it. The story in question was written fo…

Trump Tries Out New Nickname For Biden?

Is Donald Trump trying out a new nickname for Joe Biden? When is Trump going to grow up and try doing his job at the White House? Or does he need his big sister to do that for him as well? Joe Shapiro? Thanks a lot! Did you spend all the money Tr…

Suntan Is Coming Along Nicely

The Coronavirus drags on with no end in sight, leaving many people at a loose end through not being able to go back to work, but for one man, the extra free time spent in the sunshine is very welcome, as he tops up his suntan. Ken Moyswood, 57, ha…

Scratching bums in public in India leads to a prison sentence!

(UNEDITED) There are many reasons for people requiring to scratch their 'rear-ends' in public. Uncomfortable underpants, nylon knickers, tangas, fleas, and the most notable cause is; inappropriate use of bog paper. Bog paper, if not used properly,…

President Donald Trump Threatens To Cut Off The Beer Supply to Kenosha, Wisconsin

KENOSHA, Wisconsin â€" (Satire News) - The President convoyed into Kenosha like he was General Patton marching in to liberate Casablanca during World War II. He was greeted by cheers and jeers, and lots of comments about his mama. Many waved U.S.

Baby Still Hasn't Stopped Crying

A baby boy born in early July, who started as he meant to go on, by bawling for all he was worth the moment he emerged into the open air, still hasn't stopped crying, even though it's now September. The tot, who was only just over 2 kilos in weigh…

Tom Brady is Thrilled That the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are Looking at Signing the World’s Fastest Man â€" Usain Bolt

TAMPA BAY â€" (Sports Satire) - Tom Brady, who can hardly wait for the NFL season to begin, stated that he was really excited to hear that the Buccaneers may be signing Usain Bolt â€" the world’s fastest man. Brady told ESPN-4 that he called up Bolt a…

So Nancy Pelosi Didn’t Wear A Face Mask

The sky fell! Boom. Every Republican is pointing fingers at Nancy Pelosi because she didn’t wear a face mask while having her hair shampooed. Kind of impossible to wear a mask while your hair is being shampooed. Do you think she should have held…

Shopping Bears

Local bears have been shopping in local convenience stores and store managers are angry. They say the bears drive out all of their other customers, eat all their honey, and they only pay with cash, not to mention, they don't even wear masks! Many…

President Trump Announces That the Protestors’ New Weapons of Choice are Now Cans of Goya Beans

ANNAPOLIS, Maryland â€" (Satire News) - The President was in Annapolis getting fitted for a brand new toupee, when he stopped to talk to a reporter with The Right Coast Revue. Tilapia Frisbee asked him when the hell he was going to release his damn…

Lucky Too-toos

Luck be a lady tonight! The South Carolina Education Lottery drew the winning numbers of 2-2-2-2 and what do you know? - 1,400 people won! Over $3.5 million in winnings will be paid out to these guys. And to re-cap: last week's winning numbers wer…

Trump in Yet Another Hot Mic Incident Says That There are Way Too Many Blacks in Sports

DOVER, Delaware â€" (Sports Satire) - President Trump was in Joe Biden territory speaking to a group of supporters that one Dover deputy estimated to be about 36 individuals. The President said he wanted to clear up the matter, where, earlier in the…

Oatmeal Successfully Brainwashes Another Generation

A mushy pile of milled oat grains has somehow convinced another generation of Americans that it is a viable breakfast option. A recent study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania has revealed that teens and young adults enjoy eating oatmeal…

Man Had Bitten Off More Than He Could Chew

We've all heard it said many times before - the somewhat admonishing phrase "you've bitten off more than you can chew!" - and that was exactly the case for one man at the weekend when he bit off more than he could chew. The man in question was non…

President Trump Tells a Group of High School Students They Don’t Have to Wear Their COVID-19 Masks

TARANTULA FALLS, Rhode Island â€" (Satire News) - The 45th president and his top adviser, Ivanka Trump, traveled to Tarantula Falls, Rhode Island, to speak before an assembly of students at Mrs. Paul Revere High School. Trump told the 147 students n…

"Dithering is my strongest trait" claims UK PM, BOJO!

(UNEDITED) "I would never have hacked it into Nr 10 unless I was a huge ditherer, bringing confusion, chaos, and not letting people know what I actually mean; it's my strongest characteristic, or not, or yes!" BOJO recently divulged to Jaggedone in a…

Biden: Can’t Wait To Get Into Kamala’s Snickers

BILLINGSGATE POST: Yesterday, in his first appearance on the campaign trail since coming out of his basement, Joe Biden mentioned that he couldn’t resist chocolates and had a secret craving for Snickers. “I can’t wait to get into Kamala’s Snicker…

Baby Didn't Want To Be Born

A baby that has hardly ever stopped crying for all it's worth since it first made its appearance in the world in June, probably didn't want to born, it's been claimed. The baby, a boy who was the subject of an earlier report, has cried, wept, sobb…

Woman Can Paint Pictures Without Even Looking At Them

Art critics have been astounded by the discovery of an amazing new talent in the world of painting, a woman who produces stunningly beautiful pictures without even bothering to look at what she is doing! Caprice de la Vienetta, who is Italian, cre…

President Trump Complains That People in Guatemala are Receiving Mail-In Ballots for the U.S. Presidential Election

CLAM CHOWDER CREEK, Massachusetts â€" (Satire News) - The Electoral College president was reportedly as mad as an ostrich with no feathers, when he learned about the latest in the mail-in ballots saga. Trump was told that there are millions of peopl…

Man Just Knew Claude Lantier Was Going To End Up In Bed With Irma Becot

A man who is an enthusiastic reader of French literature, and who was reading 'The Masterpiece' by the French author, Emile Zola, claims he "just knew", with absolute certainty, that the 'hero' of the story was going to end up in bed with Irma Becot…

Return of the piss vans

Urination vehicles have not been seen in Manchester since the 1950s. In those days it was the rarity of toilets that meant many locals were happy to literally "spend a penny" to take a pee in one. Yet now, with coronavirus ravaging parts of the No…

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