Friday, 11 September 2020

SFA Set To Overhaul The Whole National Set-Up…

In a week of earth shattering news on TheSpoof.com, 'Serial Suits' - The Scottish Football Association - have announced, this morning, that they will no longer be picking players on the strength of which clubs they play for. "We'll be going all ou…

Kenny Logan Talks Rubbish Again!

Ex-Scotland 'star' Kenny Logan had to be rushed out of an assembly which housed 600 High School pupils this morning. He was there to talk about what a great and beautiful country Scotland is, and how future generations could benefit from looking afte…

Satan Found Living On Devil's Island

In sensational news, this morning, it's been announced that the Dark Lord Satan has been discovered living - in all places - on the prison colony island of Cayenne in French Guiana - commonly known as Devil's Island. The island has not been used a…

Nobody Reading The Spoof Anymore

According to sources 'close to the hub', very few people are bothering to make the effort to read content on satirical news website TheSpoof.com It's not quite 'nobody', but you get the drift. The site, a going concern since 2001, has, for thos…

Man Has Been Invited To House Party Tomorrow Morning

A man who has any number of things that he'd much rather be doing instead, has received an invitation to attend a 'New House' party tomorrow morning, starting at 8 o'clock. The new house in question belongs to the Cambodian brother-in-law of Moys…

Serial Killers back in Vogue!

(NOT EDITED) You name them, and they will always come back and entertain us, or haunt us! Way back in the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties, psychos ruled the screens locking millions into cinemas and scaring the pants off of film goers!…

Five Ways To Tell You've Already Had Covid-19

The Coronavirus, Covid-19, continues to spread, and the worldwide number of infected cases continues to rise. Doctors say that, even after almost nine months of having to deal with the virus, their knowledge is extremely limited. Incubation per…

President Trump Reveals in Michael Cohen’s Book That He Loves To Lie and Actually Enjoys it More Than Sex

HICKORY NUTS, North Carolina â€" (Satire News) - The president took his Presidential Hate Campaign to the Hickory Nuts Capital of the World. After spewing his standard 82 lies per speech, he closed by saying that he does not understand why the enemy…

Bob Woodward Alleges in His Tell-All Book That Trump’s Goal is to Start a Modern-Day Civil War

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) - Famed Watergate reporter and author Bob Woodward joins a long list of writers who have written books on the most amazing president in the history of presidents. In Woodward's book, titled, "The Liar-in-Chief", he…

Kanye West Stubbornly Refuses To Drop out of The Presidential Race

BUFFALO NIPPLES, Wyoming â€" (Satire News) - The man who is best known for being the husband of Kim Kardashian told TMZ that he feels that he is picking up more and more voters. Fargo Windmill with the Political Drive-Thru Window asked him why he th…

Mean Old Man Loses His Voice By Yelling At 'Covid-19 Detourers' To Get Off His Grass

We've all encountered them-- the nasty, ornery old guys that can't stand it when you get anywhere near their front lawn. And now one man in the suburbs has lost his voice by yelling at so many 'Covid-19 Detourers', that he's been forced to use a meg…

Satan to Open a New Circle in Hell for Evangelicals

SHEOLâ€"Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the new Press Secretary for Satan, announced today that the Dark Lord is opening a new circle in Hell, specifically for the overflow of Evangelicals who have been flooding His underworld domain ever since the 2016 electi…

Ian Brown Snubs Everybody Including Wales…

In a 'leek' report handed to Spoof News, ex-Stone Roses frontman and current twitter activist has disowned his entire fanbase, including Wales. A hardcore group of fans from Cardiff have challenged him on his blatant disregard for his Welsh follo…

San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich Says Becky Hammon Will One Day Become the Spurs Head Coach

SAN ANTONIO, Texas â€" (Sports Satire) - ESPN-4 is reporting that the legendary Spurs coach Gregg Popovich may be thinking of hanging up his coaching suit. “Coach Pop,” as he is known throughout the NBA world, says that he has total confidence in hi…

Gwyneth Paltrow Named US Surgeon General

WASHINGTON â€" Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has long been a proponent of alternative healing, as seen in her online shopping website, goo.com. Now, she will be able to take her message to a much larger audience, as she prepares to be sworn-in as the US Surg…

Pandemic Puts Women Back In Their Place…

A study into the growing problems brought about by the current pandemic has discovered a shocking amount of information. Most notably, mental health cases have risen slightly, but the majority of smokers and drinkers have cut back dramatically so the…

Piers Morgan Shocks GMB Viewers By Admitting He Doesn't Like Piers Morgan Any More…

In a bizarre morning episode of this totally dire excuse for morning TV, Piers Morgan went straight for the jugular of Piers Morgan, without even saying "Good Morning" to viewers! He stormed, "I'm sick of him and his childish antics. I'm sick of h…

"Puppy Girls" licking up $ ten grand a month!

(NOT EDITED) Latest craze to hit social media is earning young girls buckets of money! In fact, they are 'barking' at the possibility of posting their kinky videos on Tik Tok and being 'influencer's', which in turn brings in mega-bucks! The latest…

Christian Scientist Says Covid-19 Is All In The Mind

Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of Christian Science, said that the cause of all so-called disease is mental … all illness is simply in the mind. One of her most recent proteges, Revd. Mike Robeskill, has just spent £300k on a newspaper campaign wh…

Noddy Holder Spelling System Will Help People To Read

There was good news for those who experience difficulty in learning to read this week, when it was announced that an entirely new system of spelling the English language is to be introduced, developed by the ex-Slade frontman, Noddy Holder. Holder…

The NFL Announces That It Will Prohibit Cardboard Cut-Out Fans in All NFL Stadiums

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) - The NFL commissioner has informed the news media that, unlike Major League Baseball, he will not allow the placing of cardboard cut-out fans in NFL stadiums. Commissioner Roger Goodell stated to the press that Cor…

Hank Williams Jr. Says If Donald Trump Was A Woman He’d Marry Her

STALE BISCUIT, Tennessee â€" (Satire News) â€" The country music singer who, some years back, fell off a mountain and survived is back in the news. Hank Williams Jr. spoke with Entertainment Tonight and said that he recalls the day when he fell off Mt…

Atomic Bomb Used in Gender Reveal Party

DALLAS â€" Taking the gender reveal party to the next level, a Dallas couple has used an atomic bomb to announce their child’s sex to the world. Ted and Heidi Sinkler, first-time parents, released hundreds of curies worth of radiation in their back…

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Receive Season Tickets From Los Angeles Rams Coach Sean McVay

LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports Satire) â€" ESPN-5 is reporting that the former Royal couple Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are both walking on Cloud 9. Los Angeles Rams Coach Sean McVay, who recently met Harry and Meghan at an In-N-Out restaurant, really enj…

Man's Data Isn't Backed Up

A man who uses a Smartphone to make telephone calls, send emails, browse the internet, and to see what kind of crap his family and friends have been up to on Facebook, has been told by his device that his data isn't backed up. Quite what this mean…

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow Reports That Trump’s Chauffeur is Voting for Joe Biden

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - The queen of MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, has learned from a White House insider that the President’s personal chauffeur has said that he is not going to vote for Trump. The chauffeur, who asked that his name not be used,…

Demi Lovato and Brad Pitt Spotted Together in a PDA by the Hollywood Sign

LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) - A reporter with Hollywood Innuendo wrote that he spotted singer Demi Lovato and actor Brad Pitt engaged in some PDA (public display of affection) by the world-famous Hollywood sign. For decades, the area has become a…

Writer struggles to satisfy site's 100-word minimum limit

A writer on an online satirical news website has told of the difficulty he experienced, while writing one of his stories, of trying to satisfy the site's requirement which stipulates each article must contain at least one hundred words. The writer…

What is happening with the Archer's Pantomime this year?

Although it is only September, work is usually well under way for the Ambridge pantomime production, but overseer Lydia Snell has barely mentioned it this year. Although the smaller farms in Ambridge have been pre-occupied with COVID-19, and the p…

Drinker slung out of pub for being drunk

A man who had, allegedly, drunk five pints of lager in an Essex pub at the weekend, was thrown out by the landlord for being drunk. Dave Brown, 28, who had been supping at the Bulldog and Nettles public house in Braintree from 5 o'clock until clos…

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