Blog Archive

Tuesday, 6 October 2020

A F*cking Miracle: Biden “Speaking In Noses” To Nation

BILLINGSGATE POST: Although speaking in tongues did not make a wide appearance in the Catholic Church until 1967, speaking in noses became much more common during the Obama Administration. In 2012, Vice President Biden received the gift during a pra…

President Trump Claims He Was Misunderstood

President Trump has been spending some time thinking during his period of rest and recuperation after testing positive for the Coronavirus, and he considers that, overall, his message has been misunderstood by the American people. When Trump came…

Child's Bag Was Open

A teacher working at a school has told of an incident in which a child at the school where he works was spotted in the establishment's playground with a backpack that was unzipped. The incident occurred at a local school where teacher Moys Kenwood…

October 7 Is Looming Large

Amidst all the high excitement and controversy being generated by the run-up to the US presidential election, and the 'snagging' of Donald Trump by the deadly Coronavirus, other news seems to have gone unnoticed, and in this category is the inescapab…

Wag Tweeting again

Following Boris Johnson's quote from M People, of looking for the hero inside yourself, popular Twitter user and all-around satirical bloke Simon Williams asked: 'So, Mr Johnson, that is all very well, but what have you done today to make yourself pr…

Nietzscheian Superman Apprehended!

John McAfee has been arrested! Deep in an undisclosed location that is as beautiful as it is deadly, Seal Team Six jumped from a helicopter into a dense tropical forest, their dissent as quiet as a spider plunging from a trees’ canopy. Target a…

Chinese Communist Party’s New Chinglish Bible

According to China’s state-run Xinhua News Agency, the Politburo Standing Committee recently convened a meeting of scholars and “religious people” to begin the work of “making accurate and authoritative interpretations of classical doctrines to keep…

Global satire hits new low because a 'One Horse Race' is so damn boring!

(NOT EDITED) Satirical TV, magazines, websites, and comedians are grovelling after being led constantly up the garden path by a person who the world is totally sick to death of, but sadly, he keeps coming back to haunt the planet. You all know who he…

Tiddlywinks are no longer a laughing matter

Stan Bridgewater is now fully in training for the Olympics, now that Tiddlywinks has been reinstated. As we reported way back in 2011, Tony Blair, the former British Prime Minister, was in training for the 2012 games, Bridgewater decided that it w…

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Now Valued At Only £80

The Premer League season may only have kicked off three weeks ago, but after a disastrous weekend for Manchester United, when they were humbled 6-1 by Tottenham Hotspur at Old Trafford, fans are keen to offload 'liability' central defender and captai…

Melania Trump Is Furious After Seeing The Photo of Her Husband Kissing Hope Hicks on the Lips

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A highly respected White House insider has informed Rachel Maddow of MSNBC, that First Lady Melania Trump hit the roof when she was shown the photo of her husband kissing Hope Hicks on the mouth. She reportedly c…

Trump To Play Toe Banjo For Fans At Walter Reed Hospital

So jacked up with steroids, amphetamines, painkillers, and experimental drugs, Donald Trump is on the high wagon, feeling no pain, even going for a joyride around the block, waving and smiling at everyone. Totally pumped, he asked for his banjo,…

Trump is Ready to Resume Essential Duties: Golf, Twitter, Watching Fox News, Super Spreader Cult Rallies

Washington - President Trump is ready to return to the White House after battling the effects of a COVID-19 infection he acquired while unnecessarily celebrating the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the United States Supreme Court in the White Hous…

The President Leaves Walter Reed Hospital Against Doctor’s Orders Showing He Doesn’t Give a Damn About Anybody But Himself

BETHESDA, Maryland - (Satire News) â€" President Trump once said that he knows more about war than the generals do. Well, now he has said that he knows more about the Coronavirus than the doctors do. POTUS told Fox News, that he feels like he did…

President Trump's Corpse Could Be Flown To Saturn

After President Donald Trump tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19 last week, it's been suggested that, if he should succumb to the virus, his remains might be flown to Saturn in a reinforced titanium cask, to prevent the dangerous chemicals…

Imagine Trump Going Up The Escalator After January 20, 2020

Donald Trump was witnessed going down the escalator in 2015, introducing his racism to the world, then occupying the White House for four years, exercising an agenda of incompetence, to the extent of over 200,000 dead due to the coronavirus. But, in…

Kim Kardashian Says That As Soon As Husband Kanye West Is Free of the Coronapalooza Virus She is Kicking His Ass Out

CALABASAS, California â€" (Satire News) â€" The star of the hit reality show “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” told CNN’s Don Lemon that she has had it with the space alien-like shenanigans of her husband, Kanye West. Kim said that she is sad to say t…

Donald Trump diagnosed with Schadenfreude’s Disease (and Coronavirus)

A White House spokesman disclosed that President Trump is suffering from Schadenfreude’s Disease. And the Coronavirus. The 74-year-old US president has tweeted to his followers that he feels fine, and is sure he will get through it. Schadenfreu…

Amateur Dancers need to boost country's morale, again

Following on from last year, Amateur Dancers, better known for doing something else equally important in the world, are once again looking forward to dancing in front of complete strangers, to lift the morale of a country that is routinely let down b…

Presidential Debates To Be Settled By An Election

The controversial series of televised debates between President Donald Trump and his Democratic Party rival, Joe Biden, which have stunned the country with their intense feeling and high-level intellectual arguments, are to be settled with an electio…

Megan Thee Stallion Rocks Her Huge Booty on Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Celebrity Satire) â€" "Saturday Night Live" returned with a big bang with Chris Rock as the host. Chris was fresh off of a comedic tour of Scandinavia. He said that he had no idea how much the Norwegians loved ghetto comedy, rap mus…

Liverpool, Manchester United and City demand to wear tight latex shorts after being comprehensively 'stuffed!'!

(NOT EDITED) Three of the so-called top teams in the English Premier League have all been caught with their baggy shorts dangling around their knees and are demanding changes! Liverpool, Man United and City players are begging their clubs to purch…

Donald Trump On A Stampede To Kill Every One Left At The White House

Dripping with coronavirus, Trump headed back to the White House after an overnight stay at Walter Reed Medical Center. Without wearing a mask, he planned to breathe on everyone who believed he was dead and gone. They'll be dropping like flies. Fr…

President Trump’s Doctors Reveal That He Does Not Have a Backbone

BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" Reports coming out of Walter Reed Hospital state that President Trump’s physicians were extremely shocked when they discovered that he doesn't have a backbone. They say they made the discovery within 10 minutes…

Sales Of Weapons And Ammunition Go Through The Roof After President Trump Rumored To Be 'Out Of Danger'

Gun shops across the country have reported a huge surge in the purchase of weapons and ammunition after it was announced on national TV earlier, that President Donald Trump, cruelly struck down with the Coronavirus earlier in the week, is 'out of dan…

White House Rose Garden to be Renamed “Rona Garden” After Trump SCOTUS Event

Washington - After Donald Trump and the GOP sponsored and attended another White House event during the pandemic, with no social distancing and few masks worn by participants, it became apparent, after several attendees including the President contra…

Trump Was Intentionally Infected with the Virus

President Donald Trump’s enemies are certainly gloating with news of his recent diagnosis. In their view, he is getting what he deserves for his personal carelessness and mismanagement of the pandemic. There is, however, good reason to believe that…

Air Force One Has Covid-19

Like Typhoid Annie, Air Force One has become a spreader of Covid-19. Step inside the 747, and you are bound to catch it. The plane is an enclosed environment with air conditioning circulating the virus. Masks, on Air Force One, are frowned upon, so s…

President Trump Coronavirus Misdiagnosed

In the aftermath of the news that the most powerful man in the world, President Donald Trump, has tested positive for the deadly Coronavirus, COVID-19, words are coming from the man, himself, that it is yet another case of fake news, and that he's ne…

London Marathon Won By Man With Huge Hard-on

There was a huge controversy at the very end of the 2020 London Marathon this morning, when the winner revealed that he had crossed the finishing line with a stonking erection poking out of his running shorts. The Virtual London Marathon, I mean.

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