Blog Archive

Friday, 2 October 2020

America weeps

Okay, so the whole world has been laughing at the States for 4 years. We all know that. It's looked on with disbelief, and often fear, while a narcissistic con artist has continuously insulted and fibbed to journalists, organizations and the planet a…

Leicester Dust Museum now looking for a new curator

Fictional Midlands tourist attraction Leicester Dust Museum is now looking for a new curator. Cleaner Mavis Davis said, 'Yes, we have had so much more dust in the museum since lockdown began, that we are now looking for a new curator of exhibits f…

Megyn Kelly Can’t Stand The Fact That She is No Longer Relevant

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - Former Fox News and NBC News flunkie Megyn Kelly spoke with Amos Soursuckle of GOPicky Magazine. The 49-year-old bleached blonde expressed to Soursuckle that she really misses being under the television spotlight.

Musician launching new song - Mask Tax

Musicians Van Morrison, Noel Gallagher, the one who nobody fancied in the Corrs, and Ian Brown have written, and are set to release, a new song, called Mask Tax. The three older blokes and Jim from the Corrs all have one verse in the song, and the…

Spoof Writer So Exhausted He Nearly Didn't Write Story

A frequent contributor to a satirical news website has revealed how he was so exhausted tonight, that he came 'that' close to not writing a story for the site, and going to bed early for a well-deserved rest. Moys Kenwood, 57, who wastes time cobb…

Once upon a time in the Land of Nod, two wannabe leaders committed Hari Kari in public!

(NOT EDITED) Now children please pay attention! This piece of news might just be so pathetic, it might bore you to tears! Once upon a time in a Land called Nod, two village idiots (sorry village idiots, no insult, it's just these idiots want to be…

President Donald Trump Says That The Proud Boys Are Just Flag-Waving Good Guys

SASQUATCH, Minnesota â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump is claiming that he won the biggest presidential debate going all the way back to April 13, 1787, when George Washington kicked Ebeneezer Follicle's keister. Trump told CNN’s Jim Acosta that…

Ivanka Trump Appeared on The Sean Hannity Show and Said Her Daddy Will One Day Be The King of The USA

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - Fox News is reporting that President Trump’s favorite child was thrilled with her daddy’s debate performance. Ivanka, who is 6-foot-2-inches tall and weighs 119 pounds, said that she has never seen “Daddy Donnie” in…

Jaggedone sues The Eagles because they nicked his original 'Hotel California' lyrics called; Botox-Bar-California!

(NOT EDITED) The Eagles classic is a 'rip-off' of Jaggedone's most infamous poem written by him stoned out of his brains in a cinema watching Woodstock! The original text called: BOTOX-BAR CALIFORNIA gave Eagles lyric writer the idea to write their f…

The Presidential Debate Commission Has Just Slapped President Trump With a $200,000 Fine

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" President Donald Trump has just been informed that he has been hit with a $200,000 fine by the Presidential Debate Commission. According to Ling Chow Rangoon with the iRumors News Agency, the PDC was extremely upset…

Reduced Milk Was Off

A liter of milk that was purchased for half its normal retail price at a local supermarket was 'off', and not fit for human consumption, claims a human who tried to consume it. The milk, which was 'Full Cream', had been selling for its regular pri…

Does this remind you of the pub on a Friday night?

Whilst watching the presidential debate between two old blokes in their seventies, with all fashioned views and remembering a better time, Stanley Bridgewater was reminded of his old Friday nights in the pub. 'I really miss those times,' said Stan…

The NFL Cancels The Tennessee Titans vs. The Pittsburgh Steelers Game For a Chinese Reason

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has said that he regrets to announce that he has decided to postpone the game between the Titans and the Steelers. Goodell said that medical tests showed that 13 Titans players had c…

President Trump Tells The Presidential Debate Audience That He Is Not Going To Denounce White Extremist Groups

CLEVELAND â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump showed the entire world that he has the manners of a boa constrictor, as he threw Fox News moderator Chris Wallace’s debate rules out of the window. Trump carried on as if he was a World War II Nazi gene…

BBC Announces "Shoutiest Chef" Competition

The BBC, long revered around the world for producing the most inane and pointless cookery shows, has announced yet another one. The show will be along the lines of its headline "Masterchef" and "Saturday Kitchen" programmes, and will feature a bun…

Couple reading Fifty Shades of Grey for the comedy

Gary and Lorraine Johnson have revealed on their blog, and to its eleven followers, that they are now reading Fifty Shades of Grey for the comedy. 'We tried reading it seriously,' said Gary, 'but when we got to all of the sex bits, Lorraine just f…

The First Presidential Debate Turned Into an Uncontrolled Dumpster Fire

CLEVELAND â€" (Satire News) â€" The first of, hopefully, only one presidential debate finally took place, and as Jefferson Sierra with National Focus Magazine said, it was one uncontrolled dumpster fire. Moderator Chris Wallace should have had both pa…

The Russian Female Band Pussy Riot Says They’re Not Changing Their Name No Matter How Much President Trump Insists They Do

LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) â€" The three members of the all-girl Russian band, Pussy Riot, were recently interviewed by Tapioca Swizzle with Tittle Tattle Tonight. Swizzle asked them about the fact that President Trump is insisting that they change…

Men put Heating On when it's Cold study reveals

As Autumn approaches and temperatures start to wain from the record summer highs of "Cold and Damp" to a mere "Bloody Freezing", a recent study has shown that men like being warm - even big, hard northern blokes. Statistics show that at least th…

'Knock Knees' operations put on ice because of corona in Cali!

(NOT EDITED) The global medical fraternity have warned people with dodgy knees and hips that they might have to wait until 2025 to get replacements! In Cali, many virile 50-plus-ers, especially males, are worried that 'doggy style' with the missu…

People Who Voted for Trump Thought He Would Run Country Like His Business; Unfortunately He Did

Washington - The New York Times reported over the weekend that President Donald Trump had not paid federal taxes in 11 of the last 15 years, has lost hundreds of millions in the last 20 years, and owes $400 million to banks that is coming due soon.

Notre Dame University Has Traced the Source That Infected 40 Players with The Coronavirus

SOUTH BEND, Indiana â€" (Sports Satire) - The Indianapolis Chattering Courier newspaper is reporting that Notre Dame football coach, Brian Kelly, is shocked and highly upset that 40 of this Fighting Irish players have tested positive for C-19. The c…

No Wonder Donald Trump Can’t Spell Nobel

Few would want to refer to the President of the United States as a Windbag, but after the first debate? What a puffed up Windbag! Viewers watching the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden were reported yelling at their televis…

Trump Wants Biden Checked For Penis Pump Before Debate

BILLINGSGATE POST: Prior to leaving for Cleveland this morning to debate Sleepy Joe, President Trump told reporters that he will request that Biden be searched for a penis pump. “Something is going on down there with Joe,” pointing down to his cr…

Emergency Car Seatbelts: How To Make One

In this latest in the 'How To Make One' series, we look at seatbelts, and how to fashion one in an emergency from things that might be lying around, so that we can avoid falling foul of traffic laws. The first thing we can use to get around those…

President Donald Trump Is Imploding at Warp Speed

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - Many pundits have been predicting that the 45th president would eventually self-destruct, due to his hate-spewing personality, his addiction to golf, and his love for the likes of Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, and Hope…

President Trump Blames The California Wildfires on Fireflies

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump attended church services at Our Lady of The Perpetual Swamp - well, actually, he drove by the church on his way to get breakfast at McDonalds. According to a White House insider, the President rem…

New England Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Is Considering Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s Offer To Purchase The Team

BOSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Boston Evening Moon newspaper is reporting that Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, has received an offer from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to purchase the team. Kraft recently told Sports Illustrated magaz…

Flat-Earth-Believers believe the sun is God farting white hot farts into the universe!

(NOT EDITED) Global Loonies have formed a new protest for all global loonies to participate in, it's called, "Flat Friday Flatulence!" They have ordered all believers in the "Flat-Earth-Society-Conspiracy-Club' to join hands on Fridays and fart toge…

President Donald J. Trump Now Has a New Nickname â€" The Tax Dodger

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The New York Times has just released 978 documents showing that President Trump is nothing more than a self-centered, egomaniacal, non-tax-paying chump. He has a new nickname - The Tax Dodger. Tilapia Frisbee,…

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