Blog Archive

Monday, 12 October 2020

Man Can Remember Things From A Couple Of Days Ago Like It Was Yesterday

A man who is getting on in years but prides himself on having a very good memory for someone of his age, has said that he can clearly remember the past as if it were only yesterday! "For instance," claimed Moys Kenwood, 57, "today is Tuesday, but…

Just One Nut Away From Having A Chipmunk In White House

BILLINGSGATE POST: Need it be pointed out that if Sleepy Joe were to be elected president, America would be just one nut away from having a chipmunk (Kamala “Breath” Harris) in the White House. Not wishing to offend members of the genera Tamias a…

Trumpton To Change Its Name

'Trumpton', the BBC children's programme, which depicts life in a typical, small, English town in the 1960s, is being earmarked for a change of name by the local corporation, to disassociate itself from the wacky US president, Donald J. Trump. In…

Can I retrain in the same way that Chris Grayling has?

Following the Government's announcement of Rethink/Reskill/Retrain, former Tiddlywinks world champion, and world-renowned writer of Norwegian Haiku, Norman Normandy, 57, wants the type of re-training that Chris Grayling has had. 'Yes,' said Norman…

Trillions of Newly Created Fed Covid Relief Dollars Miraculously End Up in the Pockets of Wealthy Stockholders

Washington - Defying all economic laws and past history, most of the trillions of dollars in new money created by the Federal Reserve has ended up having boosted the net worth of the top 2% of U.S. households. Administration Economists were stunned…

Spreader Man

(To be sung to the tune of Spider Man) Spreader Man, Spreader Man, Deadly neighborhood Spreader Man. Spreads his lies, any size, Treats his supporters just like flies. Look out! There goes the Spreader Man. Is he cured? Listen bud, His d…

Wonder Woman Gretchen Whitmer Governor Of Michigan

Aside from having the good sense of not allowing her state to become a petri dish for Coronavirus, Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan also looks like Wonder Woman! That’s really why Donald Trump is seethingly jealous of her. Trump isn’t as pret…

Robert Plant reveals truth behind lyrics of 'Stairway to Heaven'

Led Zeppelin legend Robert Plant has now told the truth behind their classic song, 'Stairway to Heaven': he was stoned out of his brains sitting on Victoria railway station, waiting for a train, when he clocked a timetable with the title: Next Tra…

The LaLaLand Lakers Led by LeBron James Are The NBA World Champions

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Florida â€" (Sports Satire) â€" LeBron “The King” James has just won his fourth NBA Championship ring, and this one is with the rockin' and rollin’ Lakers. The Lakers defeated the Miami Heat 106-93. LeBron said that a lot of the c…

The Police Not Really Members Of The Police

In arresting news that is set to rock the world of rock music, it's been revealed that the members of The Police - Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland - were not actually members of the police force, but mere musicians. In a further astonishi…

North Korean Leader Kim Jongâ€"un Has Endorsed Donald Trump

PYONGYANG, North Korea â€" (Satire News) â€" North Korea’s Kim News has just announced that Kim Jong-un has informed the Korean people that he is endorsing his political BFF Donald J. Trump. The chubby dictator, Kim Jong-un, not President Trump, said…

Sleepy Joe Biden: Trying To Think, But Nothing Happens

BILLINGSGATE POST: Today, Democrats unleashed a three-pronged attack on President Trump. Resorting to antics first used back in the 1930's by Larry, Moe and Curly of the Three Stooges, their present-day counterparts, Sleepy Joe Biden, Kamala “Breath…

Dolly Parton Says If Trump Were To Grab Her Pussy, It Would Tear His Hand Off

Dolly Parton, the mega-successful Country and Western chanteuse, has broken her own self-imposed rule about keeping quiet on the subject of politics by firing a 'warning shot across the bows' of the US president, Donald J. Trump. Commenting on the…

Is Trump Nuts?

Is Donald Trump nuts? Do you have to ask? Didn’t your mommy tell you to keep away from men who talked to themselves? They’re sitting on a park bench in conversation with self. Or walking down the street, shadow boxing along the way. Ladies who ta…

Trumper Militia Kidnap Mitch McConnell and Force Him to Stay at Covid Infested White House

Louisville - A Kentucky pro-Trump militia have kidnapped Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell from his home here, and have transported him to the White House grounds where he will be held until the election. Militia members became enraged at McC…

The White House Rose Garden Has Been Fumigated 9 Times and It's Still Testing Positive For The Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider has stated that due to the fact that the Rose Garden is infested with the Coronavirus, it is probably going to have to be completely demolished. One of the White House gardeners, Napoleon Tr…

Jose Altuve Denies The Houston Astros Hired a Louisiana Voodoo Woman to Put a Hex on The Tampa Bay Devil Rays

SAN DIEGO â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Houston Astros second baseman Jose Altuve is denying reports that appeared on Fox Sports, saying that the Astros owner hired a Louisiana voodoo woman to put a hex on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Altuve, the feisty all-st…

President Trump Rejected As Host For Children's Storytime Show

President Donald Trump, who had been earmarked as a host for a new Children's Storytime show after he had vacated the White House, has been rejected for the position, after children across the country said he had no credibility left. The outgoing…

Republicans' Predictions of Religion Being an Issue at the Barrett Hearing Come True After They All Bring it Up

Washington - The confirmation hearings of Judge Amy Coney Barrett proceeded Monday morning at the U.S. Senate amid partisan bickering between Democrat and Republican members of the Judiciary Committee. Supporters of Judge Barrett, which includes a…

New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick Admits The Pats May Have to Scrap Their Season

GILLETTE, Massachusetts â€" (Sports Satire) â€" A very somber Coach Bill Belichick told sports reporters that the Coronavirus has really had a heavy impact on his team. He noted that Cam Newton, Stephon Gilmore, and several other players, as well as s…

The President Trump Halloween Mask is The Nation’s #1 Seller

LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) â€" The Los Angeles Post-Gazette has just noted that the number one-selling Halloween mask for this Halloween season is the President Donald Trump mask. One of the nation’s leading Halloween mask producers, Masks & A…

NFL Referees Will Begin Implementing a New Strict Coronavirus Mask Rule

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Commissioner Roger Goodell of the NFL has just issued a very strong directive to every one of the NFL teams. He has said that, due to so many players and coaches being stricken by C-19, he is instructing all NFL r…

Trump Supporters No Longer Fear Coronavirus

Supporters of the US president, Donald Trump, have come out in force across the country, and said that, after he spoke so boldly about his having defeated the Coronavirus, and telling everyone not to fear COVID-19, they, too, can now face up to the p…

"My name's Forrest. Forrest Trump."

"I was born in old New York, in a small town high-rise apartment condo. My momma always said, 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You've got to eat them all before some low life takes them off you.' "When I was at school, I had to wear leg braces,…

Dutch bike-rider gets lost in Belgian hills!

(NOT EDITED) Not quite used to hilly terrein, a Dutch bike-rider decided to go for a weekend biking trip to neighboring Belgian where the terrein tends to be more hilly, and not as flat as a pancake. After several hours of biking up and down gradi…

Woman Realizes She’s a Terrible Bore When Zoom Camera Keeps Focusing on Plant Behind Her

Arlington, Illinois - A local woman whose downtown office closing during the pandemic has resulted in her working from home and participating in numerous zoom meetings, has been forced to accept the reality that her lack of wit and personality have f…

Donald Trump Is Desperate

While Susan Collins promises to do the windows of everyone in Maine who is voting for her, Donald Trump is trying to win the minority vote away from Joe Biden with an invitation to the White House. First, he’s trying to folksy up his first name b…

Marvel's Best Super Villain

We have been waiting years for Marvel to tell us where their movies are going to end up, and what essential characters will be included. Now, a lot of the greats have been in the most recent movies like Thor, Guardians of the Galaxy, and The Avengers…

Charlie Brown vs. Lucy 1967

Charlie Brown vs. Lucy 1967 (Around the time of The Great Pumpkin) It is a case that many were unaware of at the time, as it went under the radar from most news channels. But Charlie Brown sued his co-star, Lucy, for injuries received from moving…

Trumper Militias Sending Armed Guards to Polling Locations to Make Sure U.S. Doesn't Turn Into Venezuela

Washington - After President Trump suggested that armed guards might be needed at polling stations in the United States for the upcoming elections, Trump-supporting militias felt activated by the President to perform their patriotic duty and help in…

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