Blog Archive

Saturday, 17 October 2020

Trump’s Scuttling His Sinking White House

Donald Trump has scuttled his own White House. His ship of state is sinking, and he’s ankle-deep in water. To the rescue, Sheldon Adelson has thrown him a $75 million contribution to tow him back to safety and four more years. On the one hand, wi…

Bukkake World Championships Called Off Due To Health Risk

The Coronavirus, COVID-19, has cast its shadow over normality again this evening, after the dangerous risk of spreading the virus put paid to the 2020 staging of one of the most eagerly-awaited events in the Japanese social calendar - the Bukkake Wor…

Camberwick Green Is Man's All-Time Favourite TV Show

A man who rarely comments on the subject of television has come out to confess that his all-time favourite TV show was, is, and probably will always be the BBC children's animated puppet show from the 1960s, 'Camberwick Green'. Moys Kenwood, 57, c…

English professor fails 'O' Level English exam!

Nuances, idiosyncrasies, diverse meaning of many words, placing of commas, semi-colons, paragraphs, and full stops, within the wonderful English language requires years of university studies to gain complete command of this very difficult tool. Af…

Democrats Plan To Use Trump As A Trampoline After Election

A leaked Democratic Party memo from Washington has revealed that, after he has been ousted from the White House as a result of the November 3 presidential election, Donald Trump is to be used as a trampoline in the celebrations that will follow. A…

Trump promises to perform a backflip if he wins election

In a rambling speech in Florida today, Donald Trump promised to perform a backflip if he wins the US election next month. His supporters cheered him on, causing the US president to babble on about the manoeuvre for almost an hour. "I could do it r…

Man Had To Change His Underpants At Work

We have all, at some time or other, suffered the inconvenience of getting wet and having to change our clothing, but when one man and his wife got drenched in torrential rain yesterday, then drove into an underwater pothole and fell off their motorbi…

All communication to be disabled til after election

Under Denver Airport - Rooters News An anonymous source reports that all communications services will be shortly disabled to prevent dissemination of facts regarding the Biden family. The recent Twittering of Twitter was just a dry run. “The e…

Chrysler Says That It Will Be Dropping The Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo’s Racist Name

DETROIT â€" (Satire News) â€" After receiving hundreds of petitions containing millions of names, the Chrysler Corporation has agreed to change the name of their highly popular SUV, The Grand Jeep Cherokee Laredo. The SUV was originally developed in 1…

Trump Says Construction Will Begin Soon on His New Trump Tower Building in Downtown Moscow

INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania â€" (Satire News) - President Trump was thrilled to see so many supporters at his last Trump Campaign Hate Rally. He looked out at the crowd, which he estimated to be between one and two million, and gave them all a thumbs-…

Zombie-Owned Restaurants increasing in Popularity across the Country

Despite making up less than 1% of the American population, Zombies are one of the most unique ethnic minorities in the country due to their eccentric, albeit intriguing, lifestyle. One such area of cultural distinction is the rather interesting choic…

The Nine Lives of a Very Stable Genius

Near the end of October of 2020, a small item appeared on the AP wire feed. Lady May, the yacht seized during the arrest of the former White House Strategist, Sloppy Steve, had been seconded to the White House as the new presidential yacht. The artic…

Dr. Billingsgate Answers Letters Regarding Wampum Program

BILLINGSGATE POST: It is apparent that the "Blessings for Wampum Program" article has created a tempest in a tepee. Some of the letters on that and other subjects: "BIllingsgate speak with forked tongue. Medicine Man never sell blessings for wam…

Tab Drink And Donald Trump To Be Retired

After sixty years, Coca-Cola has announced plans to retire Tab, which was once its new diet soda, to trim Cola’s portfolio. Also retiring is Donald Trump, by voters of the United States, to regain the nation’s stature in the world, and trim the tu…

Motorcyclist Crashes After Riding Through Floodwater

A woman motorcyclist who was taking her husband to work during flooding caused by several days of torrential rain, suffered the misfortune of being thrown from the vehicle when an unseen pothole in the road almost swallowed it whole, and left the cou…

GOP: Barrett Will be Really Fair and Impartial As She Eliminates Health Care, Women's Choice and Biden Victory

Washington - At the Senate Confirmation hearings for Amy Coney Barrett, Senate Republicans on the Judicial Committee praised the prospective Supreme Court judge after she indicated that she would be a totally fair judge who would apply the law withou…

The Los Angeles Galaxy’s Chicharito is Unhappy

LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Los Angeles Post-Gazette spoke with L.A. Galaxy star Javier Hernandez, better known as Chicharito. The 32-year-old expressed that he is very upset and unhappy with the teams (4-9-3) record. He noted that sale…

Many in The Black Community Are Calling Rapper Ice Cube an Uncle Tom

CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" Afro Sheen Magazine is reporting that many African-Americans are now turning their backs on rapper Ice Cube, and calling him an Uncle Tom. Others are saying that they are shocked that the black rapper has turned into just…

White House rose garden replaced with bigit tree orchard

The latest update to the White House grounds comes compliments of the First Lady with strong encouragement from the President himself. Melania Trump had ordered the removal of the ornamental trees planted by Jackie Kennedy. The original plan was to…

Girlfriend invents Boyfriend Stick

Local brainbox Lorraine Reid has come up with a great idea to get her boyfriend, Keith Smythe, out of the house for a while - the boyfriend stick. 'A girlfriend was telling me how much she liked throwing a stick for her dog in the park, and so I c…

President Trump is Allocating $14.7 Billion To Send An Exploratory Team to The Newly Discovered Planet Covfefe

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump recently sat down with Dr. Amerigo Tennyson, who is the chief scientist at NASA. Dr. Tennyson is the man who discovered the planet Covfefe on April 20, 2020. The doctor has scientific degrees…

Trump says, "Just The Other Day…"

“Just the other day,” starts Donald Trump, as though about to quote documentary evidence and give valuable proof to support his lying position. Caught in a corner, it’s an on-the-spot invention. Does anyone buy his "Just the other day…" Trum…

The Entire Population of Texas Says That Nebraska Senator Sasse is Nothing But a Pile of Chupacabra Shit

AUSTIN â€" (Satire News) â€" iRumors is reporting that Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued a proclamation prohibiting Nebraska Senator Bennie Sasse from ever setting foot in Texas. The senator from the “Creme-Style Corn State” has angered every man,…

Trump Says Wearing A Mask Makes Him Look Weak

Donald Trump, who already used the weak excuse of bone spurs to get out of the Vietnam draft, now claims that wearing a mask makes him, the same Donald Trump, look weak. Actually, not wearing a mask makes him look more stupid than weak. Think of…

Scientists Say That Lake Michigan Could Dry Up Completely in 8 Years

CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" Environmental scientists have released a report stating that, due to climate change, Lake Michigan could be totally bone dry by 2028. The experts said that when that happens, the city of Chicago is going to find itself up…

Biden Cites Sgt. Bilko And Blessings For Wampum Program As Inspiration

BILLINGSGATE POST: Among the most cherished political scam programs ever devised to line the pockets of family members of high ranking government officials is the “Blessings For Wampum Program.” This program, along with the pithy scams devised by th…

Millions of Houston Astros Fans Are Furious as Hell

HOUSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Houston Astros fans are ready to tar and feather one Senator Benjamin “The Ass” Sasse. The senator from Nebraska, during the Judge Amy Barrett senate hearing, out of the blue, mentioned that the Houston Astros are cheat…

Halloween: Trick Or Treat To Be Replaced By Track Or Trace

Halloween, or All Hallows' Eve, is just around the corner again, but with the deadly Coronavirus still doing its dastardly work, changes to the normal Halloween format have had to be made. Perhaps the most impirtant change is an adaptation of the…

The Donald Trump Town Hall Vs. The Joe Biden Town Hall

NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) â€" President Trump held his television campaign town hall meeting on NBC in Miami, and Joe Biden held his on ABC in Philadelphia. iNews is reporting that both town halls were about as exciting as watching rust on an ol…

California GOP Prove Their Previous Complaints About Election Fraud by Committing Election Fraud

Orange County, California - Earlier this week, State Republican leaders in California, who have long complained about rampant election fraud in the state and across the U.S. without any evidence to support those claims, finally proved their point by…

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