Blog archive

Thursday, 19 November 2020

Customers flee as geriatric biker gangs clash outside Saddleworth tea rooms

Police were called to Mother Fanshaws tea rooms in Uppermill, to deal with an outbreak of violence not seen in this country since the mid-1960s. The trouble is understood to have erupted when a gang on mobility scooters, identified as 'The InContinen…

Vegetarian Amateur Dramatic Society Celebrates 70th Anniversary

Saddleworth welcomed a royal visitor this week, when HRH Prince Charles visited the area as the guest of honour at the 70th anniversary performance of The King's Peach, by the Saddleworth Vegetarian Amateur Dramatic Society. The society, which was…

Burger King Abdicates to Carl’s Jr.

The Gastro Gazette- (Satire News)--Wikileaks uncovered details concerning a previously unknown sex tape between the Burger King and Ruby Tuesday Thursday, forcing the Burger King to abdicate his burger empire to Carl’s Jr. “It is with great regret…

Dr. Scott Atlas Awarded (MOTLY) Man of the Latest Year by NFDMA

Dr. Scott Atlas named “Man of the Year” THE WIRED STREET JOURNAL REPORTER; KR SCHWARTZ November 18th, 2020 White House Coronavirus Task Force MIC (Mountebank-in-Chief) Dr. Scott Atlas has just been named “Man of the Year” by the NFDMA (Natio…

President Trump, The Lame Duck President, Says He's Planning on Invading Iran, Iraq, or Iceland

WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - A White House insider says that the President hates that everyone knows he's the biggest loser since Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arapio. Trump cannot stand that he could not cheat his way onto a second term, although he…

Lewis Hamilton Speech Gives Man New Impetus

A man has spoken out about one of motor racing's all-time greats, Lewis Hamilton, and about how a speech the driving champion made has given new impetus to his humdrum existence. Hamilton was speaking after he had won his seventh world driver's ch…

Should President Biden Pardon Donald Trump?

Should President Joseph Biden Pardon Donald Trump? No. No way. Never. Nyet. Nunca. Non. Nein, nein, nein! The next super-conservative criminal elected to the White House will be worse than Donald Trump. He or she will believe they are totally f…

President-Elect Joe Biden Says That Within 24-Hours of Taking Office, He'll Undo Every Presidential Executive Order That Trump Enacted

DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" iRumors is reporting that President-Elect Joe Biden, has been spending countless hours going over each one of the 823,402 Presidential Executive Orders that President Trump signed into law. The president-elect com…

Kim Jong-un Has Invited President Donald Trump to Visit Him in Late January, When He Becomes Unemployed

PYONGYANG, North Korea â€" (World Satire) â€" North Korea’s Rice Paddy News Agency, is reporting that President Trump’s BFF, Kim Jong-un, feels so bad that his buddy got his butt kicked by Joe Biden. The Kimster, as Trump calls him, has invited Trump…

Man Accused Of Being Pompous

A man who was accused by another man of being 'pompous' in the forum section of a satirical news website, isn't really pompous, it's been claimed. In his 'Ode to this brain-dead Graveyard', writer Jaggedone wrote: "A place that I once cherished…

Reptilian shapeshifter comes forth

Captain Denzel T Hargreaves is a proud officer in the United States Army. He is also a shapeshifter. This means, at a moment's notice, he can transform himself into a fiery reptilian entity. Captain Hargreaves says that he doesn't know how he acqu…

Donald Trump Is Called A Little Weenie

Donald Trump was referred to as a Little Weenie for not conceding, and insisting he won the election, which he did not win. So, what is a Weenie? More specifically, what is a Little Weenie? According to a Google search (one need not go any further…

A Racehorse Inexplicably Stops in The Middle of a Race

KALAMAZOO, Michigan â€" (Satire News) â€" The racing world was shocked to see that the horse that was favored to win the Kalamazoo Derby suddenly stopped in the middle of the race, and sat down in the middle of the race track. The horse, named "Landin…

Rip Van Biden Finally Wakes Up: Can’t Stop Talking

BILLINGSGATE POST: After six months of silent hibernation in his basement, Rip Van Biden finally wakes up and can’t stop talking. “This can happen,” says noted Sleep Therapist, Dr. Quasimodo, who heads the Deep Sleep Department at Harvard Univers…

Thousands of Fact Checkers File for Unemployment After Trump Loss and Defection of Right-wingers to Parler

Washington - After the Trump election loss, and after his millions of Facebook and Twitter followers and trolls decided to join a right wing platform called Parler, professional fact checkers have seen the handwriting on the wall, and are seeking un…

Did Aliens Hack The Election?

Associated Press, November 15, 2020: President Trump’s personal attorney, Rudolph Giuliani, told reporters today that he had overwhelming evidence that the November 3rd presidential election had been rigged. “Scientists,” he claimed, “had detec…

Extra terrestrial abductions on the rise

A Belgian man has claimed to have been kidnapped by aliens from outer space who replaced his brain with a 1930s cash register, the effect of that transformation being that when he sees something he wants to buy, dollar signs appear in his eye sockets…

President Trump New Book, 'Mein Kampf 2' Out Now

He may have been voted out of the most powerful job in the world, but Donald Trump isn't going away quietly, and today sees the release of his new book, 'Mein Kampf 2'. Chronicling the struggle he endured during his four years in the White House,…

Man 'Just Knew' Des O'Connor Was Going To Die, One Day

There was sad news from the entertainment world last weekend, when it was announced that Des O'Connor, the veteran TV show host and entertainer for more than 45 years, had died aged 88, on Saturday. The news came as a complete shock to many people…

Chris Paul Is Leaving The Oklahoma City Thunder For The Left Coast

OKLAHOMA CITY - (Sports Satire) â€" Chris Paul, with The Oklahoma City Thunder, has finally gotten his wish, and is leaving the Thunder, and being shipped out west to join the Phoenix Suns. Sports Bet Gazette has been reporting that Paul was most li…

Watching The Crown After The Trump/Biden Election

Besides giving the United States former Vice President Joe Biden as the next President of the United States, miraculously, the fourth season of The Crown series also landed in the US on Saturday night. Filled with just about as much intrigue and p…

Dancing With The Stars Eliminates 2 Dance Couples, Setting The Stage For Next Week’s Fiery Championship

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" The original TV dance show, Dancing With The Stars keeps breaking viewer records. The show is watched in every state but one, and is viewed in 83 of the world’s 196 countries. A representative for North Korea, says…

Aerosmith’s Lead Singer Steven Tyler Is Very Concerned About Not Being Able to Hit E Sharps Anymore

BOSTON â€" (Celebrity Satire) â€" Steven Tyler, singer for Aerosmith, recently admitted to Bravo's Andy Cohen that he is extremely concerned about his singing future. The Aerosmith frontman has said that, just within the past few weeks, he has noticed…

Trump is Thrilled That Millions of His Base Are Abandoning Fox News and Going Over To Newsmax

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" It’s no secret to anyone who watches television that President Trump has divorced Fox News. The two used to be passionate bedmates until Fox stopped giving Trump the hot-and-heavy lascivious love he needed and de…

President Trump Finally Admits His Big Beautiful Border Wall Was Just a Waste of $4.9 Billion of The American Taxpayers Money.

MUFFLER SMOKE, Michigan â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump spoke at his latest post-election campaign hate rally before a crowd of 14 people, including a 99-year-old woman with an emotional support beaver. The President said that he will never admi…

President Trump is Now Insisting That The Election Was Rigged By Circus Midgets

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider says that President Trump has been hiding in the Presidential Bunker, due to the fact that he is as embarrassed at losing the election in a landslide, as a priest who’s been caught reading a bo…

Trump: "Voters don't decide elections, courts do"

For most people, the US election is over. Joe Biden won by a clear margin of 306-232 - coincidentally the same margin that Donald Trump won by four years ago. But Trump and his supporters have still not accepted the defeat. "We're going to take…

President Trump Says He's Going To Cancel The Miss Arizona Beauty Pageant Because The State Flipped To Blue

PHOENIX, Arizona â€" (Satire News) â€" The 30 contestants who were to have participated in the 2021 Arizona Beauty Pageant have just found out that the pageant has been cancelled. Pageant coordinator, Yarvonna Pumpkinstone, 51, told the news media tha…

Ex-3-Year-Old toddler sues Paul McCartney for nicking his lyrics to 'Yesterday!'

(NOT EDITED) Beatles lyric writers, McCartney and Lennon, are not quite what they are projected to be, especially Paul. After all these years of Beatlemania, the truth is gradually seeping out of red-brick-terraced-houses in Liverpool. A Liverpudl…

Confusion Over Word 'Pallets'

There was a storm in a teacup on an online satirical news website earlier this month, over the spelling of three similarly-sounding words landed one writer in a huge pickle, and an editor having to explain things to him in a schoolteacherly way. T…

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