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Saturday, 21 November 2020

Northern City Still Out In Front In Race To Oblivion

As the second spike of the Coronavirus really gets into its stride, with infection rates rising all over mainland Britain, the city of Hull, in East Yorkshire, has emerged as the runaway leader in the Race to Oblivion, the virus infection 'league' sp…

Spoof Writer In World Record Attempt To Write The Longest Headline That Has Ever Been Seen On The Site, But Urges Readers Not To Read The Story Because There Is Nothing New In It That The Headline Hasn't Already Informed Them About!

A writer on a satirical news and parody website has published a story which, he hopes, will break the world record for the length of headline it contains, it being a humongously-long 42 words! The writer concerned has tried to ensure, however, tha…

Obama's New Book: George Clooney And Lindsey Lohan Sharing The Lincoln Bedroom With Harry Maguire

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a gossipy chapter of Barack Obama’s new book, The Promised Land, Obama recalls that George Clooney was without a date for the White House Correspondent's Dinner because Stacy Keibler had stiffed him at the last minute. The…

Barack Obama Writes About His Mother-In-Law In His New Book

BILLINGSGATE POST: In his new book, A Promised Land, Barack Obama dedicates a whole chapter to his mother-in-law. He describes the relationship he had with Michelle’s mother: “Mrs. Robinson, my mother-in-law, lived her entire life in Chicago.

Yobbo Put Feet On Table

Good manners are usually the result of good parenting, but, in one household last week, it was a case not of having been 'brought up', but rather 'dragged up' - and, seemingly, by the scruff of the neck. Oscar Scrote, who is only 9, looks cute eno…

Navy Seals Will Take Trump Out

Asked during an interview by Jimmy Kimmel whether Donald Trump could hide out somewhere in a White House cubbyhole, former President Barack Obama confidently replied, “Oh, the Navy Seals will take him out.” Take him out? Certainly, Obama didn’t me…

Where To Hang Trump’s White House Portrait

Though President Trump is being uncooperative and failing to concede, the White House Historical Society will have to commission a portrait of him. While he will not have to pose, the question has been raised: Where to hang the Donald Trump portrait…

Party Announces New Regulations to Protect Free Speech

PARTY ANNOUNCES NEW REGULATIONS TO PROTECT FREE SPEECH --Common-sense reforms promote Truth, Unity, and Accountability ------------------ WASHINGTON, DC â€" The Party today announced that Richard Stengel has been appointed Team Lead for the Un…

Jaggedone's daily, non-tabloid, CIA, fake news! Nothing escapes his global roach reporters!

(NOT EDITED) Here we go! Jaggedone's: Daily CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) Tabloid Fake News, Not! MEXICAN BEER PRODUCER HAPPY FOR LATEST WHITE HOUSE PUBLICITY STUNT! Corona Beer global sales have rocketed ever since a Junior Trump declar…

Writer Emulates Another Writer, And Writes Story With Extremely Long Headline That Almost Completely Fills The Yellow 'Popular Funny Stories' Box On Front Page Of Site, But Which, When Placed Under Scrutiny, Has Little Or No Substance To It At All

You know you've achieved success when others start to emulate your work, and that's exactly what happened on a satirical news website earlier today, when one contributor wrote a story with an extremely long headline, just as one of the site's other w…

Newsom rushed to brain trauma unit following confrontation with computer assistant

Directly following his recent embarrassment at being caught at a dinner for twelve with no masks, and no social distancing, California's Governor Newsom is again in trouble. Additionally, the Governor's claim of the restaurant's setting as “outdoo…

Boy Sent To Bed Early Laughs At Parents By Reading Porn Mag

A naughty boy who had been sent to bed an hour before his usual bedtime for being cheeky to his mum and dad, exacted an evil revenge on them by doing just as he was told to do, and then browsing through some pornographic literature he'd 'borrowed' fr…

Rudy Giuliani's Hair Dye - The Truth

Whilst joining words together that had no right to exist in the same sentence, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's hair dye decided that it had had enough. 'Imagine my surprise,' said the dark liquid, 'when I ended up on Rudy Giuliani's hair. I…

Supreme Court Will Order Re-run of Presidential Election

Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. Having lost 35 of 35 cases alleging fraud in the presidential election, President Donald Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, today filed with the Supreme Court a petition calling for a re-run of the pr…

Michael Jordan Owner of The Charlotte Hornets Says His New Player Will Be The NBA's Next Superstar

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The LeVar Ball Family is extremely thrilled after son LaMelo was selected by the Charlotte Bobcats in this year's NBA draft. The Bobcats are owned by Michael Jordan, as in Micheal Jordan, the greatest…

'How to be a succesfull bully' by Biff Tannen

Hello everybody, You might remember me from a series of documentaries set in the 1980s called Back to the Future. The first time you saw me, I was a bullying middle manager. The second time, I was a bullying teenager, who happened to be punche…

President-Elect Joe Biden Says He Will Think About Making Puerto Rico The 51st State

DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" One of President-Elect Joe Biden’s aides has stated that Biden is seriously considering making Puerto Rico the 51st state. Biden has stated, on several occasions, that the United States will greatly benefit from t…

Dutch female 84-year-old, poker-faced, poker player, divulges her life-long winning secrets!

(NOT EDITED) After a career of playing poker with all-comers of all ages, and winning, a Dutch 84-year-old has decided to divulge her secrets, but only to her sons, who never had a chance of beating her. Before she goes completely loopy, she has d…

Kanye West Who Came In Third In The Presidential Election Is Now Demanding A Recount

EAST HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Kanye West, the entertainer who came in third in the presidential election, has told Vice-President Pence that he is demanding a recount. West the Pest says that he feels that a lot of people did not vote for him s…

The Popular Country Music Duo 'Florida Georgia Line' Is Changing It’s Name

NASHVILLE â€" (Satire News) â€" News coming out of “Music City” says that the highly popular country duo Florida Georgia Line has decided to change their name. The band, made up of Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelley, are noted for their songs about beer-d…

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Giant Balloons Will Be Wearing Medical Masks and Pants

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" The Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will look a little different this year, according to parade organizers. Parade director, Montrose Aspentwist, told the news media that the cartoon balloons will all be weari…

Donald Trump’s Last Big Deal

Donald Trump’s “golden” years don’t look promising. He is burdened with personally guaranteed debt that will be difficult to refinance; besieged by lawsuits, which he will not be able to delay much longer; and being badgered by a number of state att…

My Mother Was A Jersey Cow

"Take your T-shirt off," Barb said, as she looked at Rick, who was lying beside her on the blanket. "When you come to the beach, you don't cover up. You come for the sun, or something else," she giggled. "I really don't want to take it off," Rick…

The Miami Fire Department Says They Will No Longer Be Accepting Unwanted Alligators

MIAMI â€" (Satire News) â€" The Miami Fire Department says that they are discontinuing their “Bring Us Your Unwanted Alligators” program. Fire Chief Lancelot “Sparky” Singletree told the news media that, at first, they could deal with getting one or t…

Nut-loving animal blamed for loss of presidency

President Donald J Trump's legal team have claimed that many of the votes made for their candidate were stolen by a wily squirrel named Phil. The pesky animal, they believe, visited voting halls across much of Pennsylvania, stealing Trump ballots as…

Astronaut breaks wind to set a record.

A Space X astronaut who recently joined the International Space Station has set an unusual record when he commenced his first spacewalk yesterday. Colonel J. Peabody Cromwell, a US Army Regular, can now claim to have released the longest fart in the…

Pig squeals in news room; offers lipstick for vote tallies

Indications of voter fraud in the recent presidential election are mounting, including an unusual feud on the right between Tucker Carlson and Trump lawyer, Sidney Powell. Tucker is not happy that Ms. Powell would not appear on his show with “evid…

Teacher Taught Students To Speak English Like EastEnders Characters

A teacher at a school in Bangkok has told how he came up with a new, interesting and, quite frankly, stupid method of helping his students to become proficient in English, by having them model their speech on that of the characters in the BBC's long-…

Computer Offered FreeCell Player Very Poor Hint

A Microsoft computer game which a man was playing has been accused of offering a 'hint' that was unhelpful, misleading and, indeed, totally inappropriate if we are to think the facility is provided so that players might successfully accomplish the ta…

The Supreme Court in a Highly Unprecedented Move, Throws Out Everyone of Trump’s 107 Ridiculous Claims of Illegal Voting

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" In an extremely unusual ruling, the United States Supreme Court has voted 9-0 to toss out everyone of President Donald Trump’s unsubstantiated, ridiculous, far-fetched claims that the election was rigged. The jus…

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