Blog archive

Thursday, 10 September 2020

Five Ways To Tell You've Already Had Covid-19

The Coronavirus, Covid-19, continues to spread, and the worldwide number of infected cases continues to rise. Doctors say that, even after almost nine months of having to deal with the virus, their knowledge is extremely limited. Incubation per…

Mean Old Man Loses His Voice By Yelling At 'Covid-19 Detourers' To Get Off His Grass

We've all encountered them-- the nasty, ornery old guys that can't stand it when you get anywhere near their front lawn. And now one man in the suburbs has lost his voice by yelling at so many 'Covid-19 Detourers', that he's been forced to use a meg…

Ian Brown Snubs Everybody Including Wales…

In a 'leek' report handed to Spoof News, ex-Stone Roses frontman and current twitter activist has disowned his entire fanbase, including Wales. A hardcore group of fans from Cardiff have challenged him on his blatant disregard for his Welsh follo…

"Puppy Girls" licking up $ ten grand a month!

(NOT EDITED) Latest craze to hit social media is earning young girls buckets of money! In fact, they are 'barking' at the possibility of posting their kinky videos on Tik Tok and being 'influencer's', which in turn brings in mega-bucks! The latest…

Pandemic Puts Women Back In Their Place…

A study into the growing problems brought about by the current pandemic has discovered a shocking amount of information. Most notably, mental health cases have risen slightly, but the majority of smokers and drinkers have cut back dramatically so the…

Piers Morgan Shocks GMB Viewers By Admitting He Doesn't Like Piers Morgan Any More…

In a bizarre morning episode of this totally dire excuse for morning TV, Piers Morgan went straight for the jugular of Piers Morgan, without even saying "Good Morning" to viewers! He stormed, "I'm sick of him and his childish antics. I'm sick of h…

Noddy Holder Spelling System Will Help People To Read

There was good news for those who experience difficulty in learning to read this week, when it was announced that an entirely new system of spelling the English language is to be introduced, developed by the ex-Slade frontman, Noddy Holder. Holder…

Gwyneth Paltrow Named US Surgeon General

WASHINGTON â€" Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has long been a proponent of alternative healing, as seen in her online shopping website, goo.com. Now, she will be able to take her message to a much larger audience, as she prepares to be sworn-in as the US Surg…

Christian Scientist Says Covid-19 Is All In The Mind

Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of Christian Science, said that the cause of all so-called disease is mental … all illness is simply in the mind. One of her most recent proteges, Revd. Mike Robeskill, has just spent £300k on a newspaper campaign wh…

The NFL Announces That It Will Prohibit Cardboard Cut-Out Fans in All NFL Stadiums

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) - The NFL commissioner has informed the news media that, unlike Major League Baseball, he will not allow the placing of cardboard cut-out fans in NFL stadiums. Commissioner Roger Goodell stated to the press that Cor…

Hank Williams Jr. Says If Donald Trump Was A Woman He’d Marry Her

STALE BISCUIT, Tennessee â€" (Satire News) â€" The country music singer who, some years back, fell off a mountain and survived is back in the news. Hank Williams Jr. spoke with Entertainment Tonight and said that he recalls the day when he fell off Mt…

Man's Data Isn't Backed Up

A man who uses a Smartphone to make telephone calls, send emails, browse the internet, and to see what kind of crap his family and friends have been up to on Facebook, has been told by his device that his data isn't backed up. Quite what this mean…

Drinker slung out of pub for being drunk

A man who had, allegedly, drunk five pints of lager in an Essex pub at the weekend, was thrown out by the landlord for being drunk. Dave Brown, 28, who had been supping at the Bulldog and Nettles public house in Braintree from 5 o'clock until clos…

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Receive Season Tickets From Los Angeles Rams Coach Sean McVay

LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports Satire) â€" ESPN-5 is reporting that the former Royal couple Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are both walking on Cloud 9. Los Angeles Rams Coach Sean McVay, who recently met Harry and Meghan at an In-N-Out restaurant, really enj…

What is happening with the Archer's Pantomime this year?

Although it is only September, work is usually well under way for the Ambridge pantomime production, but overseer Lydia Snell has barely mentioned it this year. Although the smaller farms in Ambridge have been pre-occupied with COVID-19, and the p…

Trump Says Kamala Harris Isn’t Electable?

Donald Trump said, in front of news cameras recording his voice, so there is no deniability. However, he often denies what's already on film. So, Trump said California’s Attorney General Kamala Harris is not electable. From god's mouth! Edito…

Demi Lovato and Brad Pitt Spotted Together in a PDA by the Hollywood Sign

LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) - A reporter with Hollywood Innuendo wrote that he spotted singer Demi Lovato and actor Brad Pitt engaged in some PDA (public display of affection) by the world-famous Hollywood sign. For decades, the area has become a…

Atomic Bomb Used in Gender Reveal Party

DALLAS â€" Taking the gender reveal party to the next level, a Dallas couple has used an atomic bomb to announce their child’s sex to the world. Ted and Heidi Sinkler, first-time parents, released hundreds of curies worth of radiation in their back…

Writer struggles to satisfy site's 100-word minimum limit

A writer on an online satirical news website has told of the difficulty he experienced, while writing one of his stories, of trying to satisfy the site's requirement which stipulates each article must contain at least one hundred words. The writer…

Man can't wait for new Steps album

Music- and culture-free back-water Chutney on the Fritz has been starved of any exciting news for months now, so it is no surprise that pop music fan Stanley Bridgewater is eagerly looking forward to the release of 1990s favourite Steps new album, 'W…

UK-EU withdrawal agreement is invalid! "Had my fingers crossed behind my back! So there!" claims PM

That model of integrity and honour, paragon of virtue, Boris Johnson, has expressed amazement at the EU's reaction to him wishing to renege on the withdrawal agreement he signed in January. "What a kerfuffle," began the Prime Minister, forcing EU…

The Garlic Nan Versus The Talking Kebab…

For years, we've seen these supposed holy kitchen gifts from God enshrined in tablecloths, Nan bread, toast, and someone even posted Jesus's face in the froth of his Costa Coffee! I'm sure they are just freakish coincidences, but they certainly le…

Young UK ravers don't give a crap about Corona!

(NOT EDITED) It has been confirmed that 17 to 21 year-old's are causing a dent in Boris Johnson's plans to open up the UK economy, and once again become a world force chasing China, under orders from the USA. Boris Johnson, often takes hallucinato…

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow Reports That Trump’s Chauffeur is Voting for Joe Biden

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - The queen of MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, has learned from a White House insider that the President’s personal chauffeur has said that he is not going to vote for Trump. The chauffeur, who asked that his name not be used,…

Constantly Coming Up With New Material Has Affected Man's Brain

In his book, 'Overconnected', author Bill Davidow claims that, far from taking generations, and hundreds of years, for the human brain to adapt to changes in the world we live in, it can do so in a very short space of time, and, possibly, within our…

President Trump Says He’s Not a Racist â€" He’s Just Selective

MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) â€" President Trump took a quick trip down to Mar-a-Lago to get his teeth cleaned, and to see about hiring a new chauffeur. While there, he was asked about reports that appeared in The Chicago Daily Wind, that sai…

Colorado Says The Marijuana Business is Up by 4,000 Percent

DENVER â€" (Satire News) - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition has just announced that marijuana sales have gone up 4,000% in the last three months. CSCC Director Lucy “Sinsemilla” Coxcoogan was asked by TMZ to explain the unprecedented increase.

Fly swatting in France can be an explosive hobby!

(NOT EDITED) Flies are pests, full stop! Maybe not as bad as mosquitoes or gnats, but they are still a damn nuisance! However, a French fly, not a Spanish one (really irritating), got his own back whilst pestering a farmer's wife in her kitchen. T…

Britney Spears Wants To Become Relevant Again

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Celebrity Satire) - Britney Spears is 39, but she recently told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo, that she is starting to feel 69. The singer, dancer, actress, ventriloquist, bricklayer, was once considered to be the “Princess of…

Spoof Writer Receives 3-Star Rating For Story

A frequent, though, by no means the most frequent, contributor to a satirical news website, has said he was interested to note that a reader of one of his stories had awarded it a 3-star rating today, which was thought-provoking. Moys Kenwood, 57,…

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