Blog Archive

Saturday, 26 September 2020

Man Oblivious To Bacon Factory Fire After Being Distracted By Nice Smell

A man has recounted how he remained unaware of a blaze at a local bacon processing factory, despite noticing a 'delicious smell'. Myke Woodson, 57, was sitting reading a book in the back garden of his mother's house in Oaf-on-Sea, when, all of a s…

Where’s Hunter?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Elvis has been sighted more often than Hunter Biden. He was born with a plastic face and a silver spoon in his mouth. The guy was kicked out of the Navy. Do you know how hard it is to get kicked out of the Navy when your old man is…

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Never Takes Face Mask Off These Days

In news that will surprise many readers, the Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has said he has 'learnt his Greek lesson', and, these days, never takes his face mask off. Maguire was recently arrested on the Greek sunshine isla…

Congressman Nadler Defiled the Office!

Washington D.C.; President Trump was furious upon learning the Congressman Jerry Nadler defecated on live TV yesterday. It’s rumored that he wanted the flags flown upside down at the Capitol building, but feared it might send the wrong message about…

Donald Trump Is A Sore Loser

Before the election returns are even in and counted, Donald Trump is behaving as though he knows with absolute certainty that he is about to be fired by the American voters. Trump doesn’t seem to notice that his White House performance fell short…

Cat fighting not forbidden in German backgarden's!

(NOT EDITED) After a series of aggressive cats having 'pops' at each other in a German back garden in Iserlohn, a clever pit-bull owner thought, "I can make mega-Marks, sorry Euros, out of these cats 'popping' at each other." So, he built himself…

Donald Trump Sperm Bank Project To Go Ahead

President Donald Trump may finally have gone some way to acknowledging his own part in the deaths of more than 200,000 US citizens from the Coronavirus, by announcing his intention to open brand new state-of-the-art sperm banks in every major city ac…

Flu Vaccine Being Rolled Out Earlier

The best time to have the flu vaccine is in the autumn before flu starts spreading. This year, changes have been made to make sure it's safe for people to have the flu vaccine at GP surgeries and pharmacies. These changes include social distancing, h…

Donald Trump Denied Entry At Sperm Bank

There was controversy in downtown Manhattan this morning, when President Donald Trump was refused entry at a local sperm bank during an unannounced flying visit to New York. The incident happened at the Lower East Side Sperm Donation Center on Eas…

China to ship free upgrade to COVID-20

Following worldwide criticism of COVID-19, it has emerged that China will start shipping a free upgrade by the end of this November. COVID-20 will be available to all countries currently using COVID-19, and incorporates several important new bugs.

New England Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Has Just Had The Drug Charges Against Him Dropped

BOSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The district attorney of Boston has just made New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft one very happy man. The Pats owner was told that the charges stemming from his visit to the Asian House of Hornyism, and allegedly com…

Man Finds It Difficult To Eat When Wearing A Face Mask

A man who strictly obeys rules and has been closely observing the government's instructions during the Coronavirus pandemic, has said that, although he wears a protective face mask all of the time, this causes problems when he is taking his meals.

Shock Findings Expose Obesity's Causes

Scientists in China have been studying the main causes of obesity. For the last seven years, the Wuhan Fat Observatory has been testing overweight people, and have just published their findings. The main factor appears to be caused by bacteria in…

Thunderbirds Brains Moves Into New Home With Boyfriend

There was happy news in the world of children's entertainment this week, when Brains, the clever one from 'Thunderbirds', moved into his brand new multi-million-dollar home in the Los Angeles hills, along with his boyfriend. Brains, now 71, but lo…

Newly Discovered Reports Show That Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham Have Received Campaign Donations From The Kremlin

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" France’s Ohh La La News Agency is reporting that they have discovered secret reports showing that the Kremlin has contributed quite a lot of money to two U.S. senatorial campaigns. The report shows that Kentucky…

Trump Can Play The Banjo With His Toes

Ever since watching the 1972 film Deliverance, Donald Trump has been intrigued by the banjo, and has become very proficient with that instrument. So much so, that he has managed to learn to play the banjo - with his toes! Of course, the banjo doe…

The Name Karen Is Now The Most Unpopular Female Baby Name in The U.S.

CHICAGO - (Satire News) â€" The National Baby-Naming Registry Federation has just announced that, in the past two months, there has not been a single female baby anywhere in the entire nation given the name Karen. Federation assistant director Alana…

57 Hurricanes, 83 Earthquakes, and 179 Wildfires, and Still President Trump Insists That There’s No Global Warming

ELEPHANT BUTT, Ohio â€" (Satire News) â€" The 45th president spoke to a crowd of supporters and semi-supporters in the tiny town of Elephant Butt. And, right off the bat, he took a shot at the black Democratic vice-presidential candidate, Kamala Harr…

Waitress Grateful For Enormous Tip

A New Orleans waitress received the shock of her life when presented with an enormous tip after serving a single male customer. “I had never seen anything as big as that,” Ashley recounted on her Facebook Page, where local news sources picked up…

A Vote For Trump Is A Vote For Putin

WAKEUP NEWS: What everyone suspected has been uncovered by investigating reporters at WAKEUP NEWS. WAKEUP is reporting that a vote for Donald Trump is a vote for Trump’s best friend, Vladimir Putin. Ask any checker at any grocery store. “What d…

Joe Biden Says Since Trump Is Not Going To Wear a Mask, He Plans to Wear a Haz-Mat Suit For The Televised Presidential Debates

PASCAGOULA, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) - Joe Biden says that he will go ahead with the presidential debate even though Trump refuses to wear a Coronavirus mask. The former vice-president told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that, unlike Donald, he cares ab…

Jennifer Lopez has an old puss

A 26-year-old cat is getting a new lease on life after a foster home decided to "take a chance" on the cuddly old pussy by donating her to Jennifer Lopez. The elderly female cat, named Maria, was surrendered to the Lopez home last month, after its…

American Tourist Tries To Blend In With Manchester Locals

An American tourist who was visiting England for the first time recently, got into a 'sticky situation' when he walked into a Manchester pub and spoke in a way that he imagined might endear him the locals. The 'cousin from across the Pond', Abel R…

Magnet anglers forced to throw back all knives under 12cm long

A new law spells the end of uncontrolled magnet fishing in Britain’s canals and rivers. The sport has grown rapidly in recent years, with experienced anglers (known as ‘maglers’) landing catches including swords, shotguns, safes and even parking mete…

Tom Bergeron, Who Was Fired From Dancing With The Stars, Says He Doesn't Like The New Host Tyra Banks

EL SEGUNDO, California â€" (Celebrity Satire) - Ex-host of Dancing With The Stars, Tom Bergeron, spoke with a reporter with iRumors from his El Segundo beach house. Tom told Vodka Vermicelli he regrets having gotten into a physical altercation with…

Social-media user sues Facebook because his fingers turned stiff!

(NOT EDITED) "Those who perpetrate social-media crimes, should be taken to justice!" Was the reaction of a Facebook user after visiting a physiotherapist who analyzed the man's fingers, which were totally 'stiff!' After being diagnosed with a drea…

Man Got Cramp Whilst Having A Dump

A man who frequently suffers from agonizing muscle cramps in his legs has revealed how he had to endure one of the worst cramp attacks he can remember, at the weekend, during a middle-of-the-night visit to the toilet for a shit. The painful incide…

"If God Wanted a Liberal on the Supreme Court…"

Hamburger, Virginia. U.S.A. Woof Blister with another SINful report for Spoof International News. Jerry Farewell, Jr., defrocked president of Hypocrisy College, the world's most rhapsodic university, met with reporters as he was cleaning out his pala…

Coronavirus Will Vote Trump

President Trump might be suffering from a lack of voter confidence in the pre-election opinion polls, but he can sure count on the support of at least one major player - the Coronavirus. COVID-19 is a big fan of Donald Trump. In fact, it's fair to…

CNN in a Brilliant Move Hires Trump's Former Lawyer and Fixer Michael Cohen to be a Political Consultant

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" The president of CNN stated that there is no one on the face of the earth who knows more intimate secrets about President Trump than Michael Cohen. Cohen knows where all of Trump’s dozens of skeletons are buried, as…

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