Blog Archive

Wednesday, 14 October 2020

Grace Jones In Altercation After Driver Pulls Up To Her Bumper

The Jamaican singer and actress, Grace Jones, has been questioned by police in New York after an incident in which a driver showed a complete disregard for proper road safety, and pulled up to her bumper. Jones, 72, was taking time out from the st…

Man Had Freezing Cold Shower

A distinct change in normal weather conditions left one man with no option but to endure a freezing cold shower this morning, an experience that virtually 'shrivelled up' some parts of his anatomy. The unseasonal week-long rainfall and dramatic dr…

Trump Loans Fed Chief Powell Some of his Steroids; He Immediately Sends Another $10 Trillion to Wall Street

Wall Street, New York - President Donald Trump, currently on tour throughout the United States after beating COVID-19 said he felt "so powerful" on Monday, in Florida. Trump was given steroids to treat his COVID-19 by doctors at Walter Reed Hospital…

Spam, Spam, Spam!

(NOT EDITED) It has been confirmed by US and UK scientists that consuming too much 'SPAM' is a deadly disease. In fact, both variations, the porky type, and the cyber type, cause depression, suicide, obesity, and smelly breath, among other symptoms.

Confused Joe Biden Endorses Trump

Democrat presidential nominee, Joe Biden, has bizarrely endorsed his Republican rival, Donald Trump, for president. Campaigning in Toledo, Ohio, on Tuesday, Biden provided the President with more fodder as to his mental capacity to become preside…

Cristiano Ronaldo Kicked in The Gut by The Coronapalooza Virus

TURIM, Italy â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Italy’s La Pizzeria News Agency is reporting that Cristiano Ronaldo, who plays for Juventus, has just tested positive for the dreaded COVID-19 virus. The 35-year-old Ronaldo, who is considered one of the greatest f…

Vole Discovered Living In Man's Beard

The world of animal-lovers was in a frenzy of excitement this morning, after it was revealed that, for the last three years, a man from Suffolk has been unaware that a vole had been living in his beard. Ronald Lee, 49, of Ipswich, lives alone in a…

Wood-Burners must burn wood, claim German scientists

Winter is approaching, so human resistance to cold feet, flu, common-colds, cold sex in bed, dark nights, creeps wandering our streets at 05.00 pm instead of 11.00 pm, plus other negative aspects of winter is diminishing. German scientists have done…

Man accessed The Spoof merely to see if he had any messages

A frequent contributor to the satirical news website, The Spoof, has admitted that he accessed his account this evening merely to see if he had any messages from his fans, without the slightest thought of writing a story, but got 'sucked-in' anyway,…

The NFL Super Bowl May Be Moved To Valentine’s Day

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has floated the idea that Super Bowl LV (55) will be played on Sunday Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2021. He noted that, this way, all of the games that will have to be postponed, wi…

Coming Soon To a Town Near You â€" President Trump’s Coronavirus-Spreading Campaign Hate Rally

MOSQUITO RIVER, Florida â€" (Satire News) â€" The Tampa Bay Bugle Bulletin is reporting that El Presidente Trumpo’s Coronavirus-infested campaign hate rallies will be continuing as scheduled, no matter what. Yes, Captain Coronapalooza and the Trumpapa…

The Pied Piper of The Potomac is Going to Lead All of His Trumptards Into The Coronavirus River

OUAKER OATS, Pennsylvania â€" (Satire News) â€" The iRumors News Agency is saying that ever since Trump left the hospital against doctor’s orders, and is now going back to not wearing his mask, lots of his supporters are starting to abandon him. Delta…

President Trump Says He is Changing The Name of The White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump called in to Tucker Carlson at Fox News and told him that he has decided to change the name of the White House. Tucker started smiling like a 14-year-old boy who has just seen his first pair of Pl…

Trillions of Newly Created Fed Covid Relief Dollars Miraculously End Up in the Pockets of Wealthy Stockholders

Washington - Defying all economic laws and past history, most of the trillions of dollars in new money created by the Federal Reserve has ended up having boosted the net worth of the top 2% of U.S. households. Administration Economists were stunned…

Donald Trump And COVID-19 Are On The Road, Again

Like the Willie Nelson song, On The Road Again, Donald Trump is also on the road again, and his traveling partner is COVID-19. Without wearing a mask, Trump climbed the lower steps to Air Force One, fewer steps, less energy required, maybe no cou…

Spreader Man

(To be sung to the tune of Spider Man) Spreader Man, Spreader Man, Deadly neighborhood Spreader Man. Spreads his lies, any size, Treats his supporters just like flies. Look out! There goes the Spreader Man. Is he cured? Listen bud, His d…

Prince George A Bit Of A Fanny

Royal watchers are saying that Prince George, the son of the Duke of Cambridge, Prince William, is having a hard time coming to terms with just how awful things are in the real world around him. William has revealed that George "was in tears" over…

Man Can Remember Things From A Couple Of Days Ago Like It Was Yesterday

A man who is getting on in years but prides himself on having a very good memory for someone of his age, has said that he can clearly remember the past as if it were only yesterday! "For instance," claimed Moys Kenwood, 57, "today is Tuesday, but…

Trumpton To Change Its Name

'Trumpton', the BBC children's programme, which depicts life in a typical, small, English town in the 1960s, is being earmarked for a change of name by the local corporation, to disassociate itself from the wacky US president, Donald J. Trump. In…

Republicans' Predictions of Religion Being an Issue at the Barrett Hearing Come True After They All Bring it Up

Washington - The confirmation hearings of Judge Amy Coney Barrett proceeded Monday morning at the U.S. Senate amid partisan bickering between Democrat and Republican members of the Judiciary Committee. Supporters of Judge Barrett, which includes a…

Wonder Woman Gretchen Whitmer Governor Of Michigan

Aside from having the good sense of not allowing her state to become a petri dish for Coronavirus, Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan also looks like Wonder Woman! That’s really why Donald Trump is seethingly jealous of her. Trump isn’t as pret…

Just One Nut Away From Having A Chipmunk In White House

BILLINGSGATE POST: Need it be pointed out that if Sleepy Joe were to be elected president, America would be just one nut away from having a chipmunk (Kamala “Breath” Harris) in the White House. Not wishing to offend members of the genera Tamias a…

Can I retrain in the same way that Chris Grayling has?

Following the Government's announcement of Rethink/Reskill/Retrain, former Tiddlywinks world champion, and world-renowned writer of Norwegian Haiku, Norman Normandy, 57, wants the type of re-training that Chris Grayling has had. 'Yes,' said Norman…

Robert Plant reveals truth behind lyrics of 'Stairway to Heaven'

Led Zeppelin legend Robert Plant has now told the truth behind their classic song, 'Stairway to Heaven': he was stoned out of his brains sitting on Victoria railway station, waiting for a train, when he clocked a timetable with the title: Next Tra…

The Washington D.C. United Black and Red Want Eric Cantona To Be Their New Manager

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Sports Satire) â€" D.C. United, of the Major Soccer League, have the worst record of all 26 teams in the league. Team owner Jason Levien informed ESPN-4 that his team’s 2-10 record is just not acceptable. He remarked that he…

Trumper Militias Sending Armed Guards to Polling Locations to Make Sure U.S. Doesn't Turn Into Venezuela

Washington - After President Trump suggested that armed guards might be needed at polling stations in the United States for the upcoming elections, Trump-supporting militias felt activated by the President to perform their patriotic duty and help in…

Dolly Parton Says If Trump Were To Grab Her Pussy, It Would Tear His Hand Off

Dolly Parton, the mega-successful Country and Western chanteuse, has broken her own self-imposed rule about keeping quiet on the subject of politics by firing a 'warning shot across the bows' of the US president, Donald J. Trump. Commenting on the…

"My name's Forrest. Forrest Trump."

"I was born in old New York, in a small town high-rise apartment condo. My momma always said, 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You've got to eat them all before some low life takes them off you.' "When I was at school, I had to wear leg braces,…

Government plan to shut down the North

Leaked government papers suggest that there is a plan in place to ‘shut down’ the north of England. Challenged on this, Minister for Oop Ther, Norbert Allad, said he couldn’t reveal who, but, "We sent him to see if we could fix up an independent trad…

The White House Rose Garden Has Been Fumigated 9 Times and It's Still Testing Positive For The Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider has stated that due to the fact that the Rose Garden is infested with the Coronavirus, it is probably going to have to be completely demolished. One of the White House gardeners, Napoleon Tr…

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