Blog Archive

Sunday, 4 October 2020

London Marathon Won By Man With Huge Hard-on

There was a huge controversy at the very end of the 2020 London Marathon this morning, when the winner revealed that he had crossed the finishing line with a stonking erection poking out of his running shorts. The Virtual London Marathon, I mean.

Sales Of Weapons And Ammunition Go Through The Roof After President Trump Rumored To Be 'Out Of Danger'

Gun shops across the country have reported a huge surge in the purchase of weapons and ammunition after it was announced on national TV earlier, that President Donald Trump, cruelly struck down with the Coronavirus earlier in the week, is 'out of dan…

Trump Was Intentionally Infected with the Virus

President Donald Trump’s enemies are certainly gloating with news of his recent diagnosis. In their view, he is getting what he deserves for his personal carelessness and mismanagement of the pandemic. There is, however, good reason to believe that…

Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is Putting All the Blame for His Contracting the Coronavirus on President Trump

NEWARK, New Jersey â€" (Satire News) â€" Reports are that former New Jersey governor Chris Christie is madder than a spider whose web-making gland isn’t working. Christie, who spoke with the Vox Populi News Agency, admitted that, yes, he is extremely…

President Trump To Take Part In Second Presidential Debate From His Sick Bed

After the high drama and the low intellect of the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and his rival, Joe Biden, and the President's subsequent Coronavirus diagnosis, it's been decided that, for the second debate, Trump will take part from…

President Trump Coronavirus Misdiagnosed

In the aftermath of the news that the most powerful man in the world, President Donald Trump, has tested positive for the deadly Coronavirus, COVID-19, words are coming from the man, himself, that it is yet another case of fake news, and that he's ne…

President Trump is Negotiating to Buy Fox News

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" GOPicky Magazine is reporting that President Trump, who has contracted the Coronavirus due to stubbornly refusing to wear a mask, is still wheeling and dealing, but now from his hospital bed. His doctors report t…

President Trump is Now Being Given The Experimental Drug Hydrixafibalosis

BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump's personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has just informed the news media that the President has been given a brand new experimental drug that was recently developed high in the Andes mountains of Bol…

New England Patriots Quarterback Cam Newton Stricken With Painful Jaw Cramps

GILLETTE, Massachusetts â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Reports filtering out of the Patriots camp say that Cam Newton will be placed on the injured reserve list. The flamboyant quarterback is reportedly suffering from what is described as a form of the Carib…

Secret Recording Shows That Melania Trump Hates Christmas, Evangelicals, and Asparagus

CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" The Chicago Daily Wind has received an envelope which contained a secret recording, that was made of First Lady Melania Trump uttering some sailor-like vulgarities. The tape, which was provided by Wikileaks, had Melania r…

Is Trump Liable If Supremacists Injure Biden Voters?

The ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg was asked whether she thought if one of the Proud Boys, or a member of the Boogaloo Boys, or any other white supremacists supporters of Trump, were to kill or injure a voter while attempting to cast their Biden vote,…

Scott Baio is Making A Documentary on President Trump Titled The Man Who Really Should Be King

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Scott Baio, one of Trump’s biggest little ass-kissers, is making a documentary on the 45th president. Baio was interviewed by LaTuna LaTundra at his Hollywood Hills home,…

Besides Having A Sense Of Humor, God Loves A Democracy

Besides having a sense of humor, God loves a democracy, and don’t kid yourself, four more years of Trump with Barr as his Attorney General and a spineless, complicit Republican Senate with Mitch McConnell at the helm, would have been the end of this…

Putin poisons HIM!

(NOT EDITED) In an attempt to manipulate the coming US election, Putin sent one of his spies into the White House, disguised as a sous-chef. Security screening the spy were too busy keeping HIM away from Chancellor Merkel just in case she sneezed on…

President Trump Says He's Feeling a Bit Better After His Doctor Put Him on a Strict Anti-Coronavirus McDonald’s Food Regimen

BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump was flown to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in a U.S. Army Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that they had to use a military helicopte…

President Trump Is Cured!

In a somewhat astonishing and confusing announcement made just minutes ago, it has been revealed that President Donald Trump, diagnosed with the Coronavirus, COVID-19, just days ago, is already feeling much better, and is set to be given the 'all-cle…

Trump Demands Biden Infect Himself!

President Trump is furious over his having tested positive for Covid-19. During a phone interview, he said, “Biden, yes that one is a no-brainer. But I want his puppeteer, Jill Biden, infected too. By the way, I’m doing great, never better. Kungflu h…

Political Pundits Claim That Donald Trump’s Chances of Getting Re-Elected Are Now Slim to None

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News). Most of the nation’s political pundits agree that Trump’s chances of getting re-elected are now slim to none. One pundit with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that he believes that 93-year-old Betty White has a better chan…

Hand Sanitizer Found To Be Contaminated With COVID-19 Spores

Health officials who carried out a raid on a Chicago factory which produces hand sanitizer for use in the battle against the Coronavirus, have said they found the product was riddled with traces of the Coronavirus. The search team of CDC experts h…

The Trump Women Say That Coronavirus Masks Are So Ugly

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" All of the Trump women sat mask-less at the recent presidential debate. Cameras caught Melania, Ivanka, Tiffany, Lara, and Kimberly (Guilfoyle), not wearing their masks, and looking like the cats that ate the ca…

The Jacksonville Jaguars May Have to Change Their Name

JACKSONVILLE, Florida â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine has informed the sports world that the Jacksonville Jaguars could be looking at a lawsuit. It appears that the Jacksonville football team has been using the name Jaguars w…

40 Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Are Tested For The Coronapalooza Virus and 2 Tested Positive

DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones told Sports Territory Magazine, that two of the forty Cowboy cheerleaders have contracted the C-19 virus. He said that Samantha Winnipeg, 27, and Cleo Denderdoogan, 24, will be quarantine…

America weeps

Okay, so the whole world has been laughing at the States for 4 years. We all know that. It's looked on with disbelief, and often fear, while a narcissistic con artist has continuously insulted and fibbed to journalists, organizations and the planet a…

Waitrose Shoppers go on Panic Buying Rampage

As a second lockdown becomes increasingly likely, due to the dreaded virus, even Waitrose shoppers have begun to panic buy. Stores around the country are reporting shortages of black olives, ciabatta and sun-dried tomatoes. One branch in Berksh…

Shark Chased Surfer Across Beach

Authorities in Perth, in western Australia, have released details of a terrifying incident in which a Great White Shark encircled a group of surfers in order to attack them, followed them out of the water, and pursued them over a sandy beach. The…

President Trump Says He Will Announce The Results of His Coronavirus Test After He Releases His Tax Returns

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The Baltimore Implier Journal is reporting that President Trump is now in quarantine because of the Coronavirus. Trump told the news media that he has just been tested, and he will release the results of the Covi…

Donald Trump Jr. Has Been Told By His Daddy To Break Up with Girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle or He’s Out of The Will

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) - LaLaLand Daily is reporting that Kimberly Guilfoyle is in tears after learning that her boo’s daddy has told him to dump her ass. It appears that the President has told Junior that he better dump that big-haired…

Trump Becomes a Liberal as Covid Affects His Brain

The White House, Washington, D. C. A SINful Woof Blister reporting for Spoof International News. In his first press interview since being diagnosed with Covid-19, President Donald J. Trump revealed that the virus has devastated his brain, leaving him…

President Trump Still Lying, Says He Caught The Coronavirus From The Portland Protesters

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Many news agencies are reporting that President Trump knew he had the Coronavirus three days ago, and hid it from the American people, and the world. A source inside the White House said that they were all sworn…

Proud Boys group admit "we're not men"

In the recent presidential debate, Donald Trump disgracefully failed to condemn violent right-wing extremist group Proud Boys, and, in fact, seemed to encourage them. The Spoof tracked down their leader, Cornwallis Glasscock, 29, of Maryland, to f…

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