Sunday, 6 September 2020

Man Would Have Liked To Have Killed Woman In Book

A man reading a book became so hateful of one of its female characters, that he claims he would have liked to have killed her with his own bare hands, or, in a variety of other ways. The book in question, 'Une Page d'Amour', by Emile Zola, was bei…

Shoe Shop For People With One Foot Now Open

A shoe shop that caters exclusively for people with one leg, or rather, with one foot, has opened its doors to the general public, or rather, that section of the general public that has only one foot. The Landmine Footwear Emporium deals specific…

Lie-detector machines in White House replaced by masks.

According to unconfirmed White House sources, over two hundred lie-detector machines have been junked because they continually blew their fuses when Mr Trump and White House staff took the test. Each test takes approximately ten minutes, and cover…

Human Beings Now On The Endangered Species List

As the world sits anxiously waiting for a cure for the Coronavirus, Covid-19, it's been revealed that human beings, themselves, have now been added to the Endangered Species list. The astonishing news was announced by the World Health Organization…

Gay cat turns hetero after being wooed by hot feline!

(UNEDITED) A farm cat called, Anton, refused to acknowledge the existence of female cats on the farm where he resides. The farmer's wife, who feeds the cats, observed Anton, and came to the conclusion that he was gay! The other male tom cats on th…

How Did The U.S. Become A Police State?

Thinking heads are questioning, "When did the U.S. become a police state?" We don’t exactly hear the Anne Frank police siren on squad cars slowly moving down streets, but it’s close. Many are wringing their hands, wondering how the Trump nightmare ha…

Freddie Mercury Is 74 Today

The world of rock music stood for a minute's silence today to celebrate the 74th birthday of the multi-talented former Queen frontman Freddie Mercury, who is dead. Born Farrokh Bulsara, in Zanzibar, on 5 September, 1946, Mercury showed promise at…

It’s Now Official - President Trump Spends Way More Time Denying Things Than He Does on Dealing With the Coronavirus

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - A report that appeared on Fox News clearly shows that President Trump now spends more time denying things he has said than he does in dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic. Trump denies he said that Neptune is a co…

Unlucky Football Team Call It A Day, Luckily For Them…

The most jinxed team in world football have decided, after playing in the Sunday Amateur leagues, to call it a day. Inter Mill-inn, who joined Scottish Division Two 15 years ago, and who were promoted in their first season, have had endless bad l…

Trump seeks the services of the Man of Steel

In breaking news, United States President Donald J Trump has appealed to comic book hero Superman to help end the violence on the streets of Portland and Kinosha. Mr Trump said that, more than ever, the people of America looked to the "Man of Steel"…

A Cocaine-Carrying Cat Successfully Climbs Over Trump’s Border Wall

PAPOOSE RATTLE, New Mexico â€" (Satire News) â€" Border Patrol agents report that they saw a cat carrying a small backpack scale Trump's Border Wall. The agents are 99.8% certain that the backpack was filled with cocaine. They informed a reporter…

Alec Baldwin and Kate Upton To Star In A Movie Based On The Book By Stormy Daniels

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) - The word filtering out of LaLaLand is that President Trump impersonator Alec Baldwin and Big-Size Woman model Kate Upton, have just signed to star in a motion picture based on the book by Donald Trump strumpet Stormy Danie…

REO Speedwagon 2020 Tour!

They have been rocking since 1967, and brought us incredible hits like: Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore, Keep on Lovin' You, and Roll With the Changes! These guys are finally on tour again, so if you've been waiting as everyone else in the world has…

President Trump Denies That He’s a Member of the KKK

CATFISH MEOW, North Carolina â€" (Satire News) â€" The President is saying that an article that appeared in the Oxnard Obligatory Observer newspaper is totally and positively false. The story written by Rex T. Narragansett states that DJT first joined…

Man Has Stopped Saying "Hello"

In a move that would have the former Commodores singer Lionel Richie spinning in his grave - if he were dead, which he isn't, one man has decided that, henceforth, he is not going to say the word "Hello" anymore. The reason is simple. "Overuse,…

Losers And Suckers, Vote Twice For Trump, And His Hair Is The Thing

September Election News: Unbelievably, the Trump election campaign has doubled down at the start of the month, making Trump’s defeat certain. More stuff is coming out about the real Donald Trump, and while always suspected, this new stuff is traitoro…

AWOL A-Go-Go

A Spitfire has been found underneath the area that was reserved for a new chateau in France. As the JCBs drove in to dig the foundations, the amazing discovery was made. Even more amazing is that, after it was excavated, it was discovered that the…

Man Who Likes To Use The Phrase 'By The Skin Of His Teeth', Realizes Teeth Don't Have Skin

Writers describing hair-raising adventures and dangerous situations from which an escape is, somehow, miraculously effected, are often known to use the phrase "by the skin of his teeth" when doing so, but one man who has used this phrase had to stop…

Man writes quick story, just to say he's done one today

A frequent contributor to an online satirical news website has spoken of how he quickly wrote a story in about ten minutes, just to say he'd done one for today, and so that other contributors wouldn't get to totally monopolise the pages of The Spoof.

Man who says asking for a friend, doesn't have any friends

John Hargreaves, a man about town from Tipping on the Wold, who always uses the phrase Asking for a Friend, has revealed, that, sadly, he doesn't have any friends. The rambunctious 37-year-old kettle descaler told us: 'Yes, I say it all of the tim…

Man who tells people he can't complain spending time complaining

Barry Smyth, from Mithering on the Trent, always tells people, when asked how he is, that he can't complain. Judging from his recent behaviour on Trip Advisor, Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else, though, he has spent Lockdown doing very little o…

President Trump Announces That the Protestors’ New Weapons of Choice are Now Cans of Goya Beans

ANNAPOLIS, Maryland â€" (Satire News) - The President was in Annapolis getting fitted for a brand new toupee, when he stopped to talk to a reporter with The Right Coast Revue. Tilapia Frisbee asked him when the hell he was going to release his damn…

President Trump Complains That People in Guatemala are Receiving Mail-In Ballots for the U.S. Presidential Election

CLAM CHOWDER CREEK, Massachusetts â€" (Satire News) - The Electoral College president was reportedly as mad as an ostrich with no feathers, when he learned about the latest in the mail-in ballots saga. Trump was told that there are millions of peopl…

Meghan Markle says Melania Trump's green dress was from Primark

Meghan Markle, the wife of Prince Harry, has become involved in a controversy after commenting that Melania Trump, the wife of President Donald Trump, wore a dress to the Republican Convention which she, herself, has seen for sale in the online cloth…

Wendy’s Announces That the Name of All Their Chicago Fast Food Restaurants Will Now Be Windy’s

PICKLE TREE, Ohio â€" (Satire News) â€" The nation’s third largest fast food chain is always seeking ways to try and catch up to the number two franchise, Burger King. In an effort to climb that much sought-after fast food ladder, Wendy’s has hired th…

Dow Hits 29,000; "Will it Poof?" Asks Puffitt

Omaha, Nebraska. USA. Woof Blister with another SOB story - Spoof On Business. Only a week after the Dow came within 1,000 points of wiping out the 11,000-point pandemic bear market, the Dow today closed less than 500 points short of that goal. Coupl…

Wikileaks Announces That it is Planning on Dumping Hundreds of Explicit Photos of President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) - A well-known White House insider is saying that the President is in a horrendously horrible mood, after learning from son Eric, that Wikileaks has just announced an up-coming public photo dump. Trump, who, four y…

Jose Altuve Says The Houston Astros Have Learned Their Lesson

HOUSTON â€" (Sports Satire) - Houston Astros super star Jose Altuve spoke with a reporter for CBS Sports, and told him that the Astros have learned their lesson, and they will never, ever again cheat during a baseball game. He noted that it has been…

Scratching bums in public in India leads to a prison sentence!

(UNEDITED) There are many reasons for people requiring to scratch their 'rear-ends' in public. Uncomfortable underpants, nylon knickers, tangas, fleas, and the most notable cause is; inappropriate use of bog paper. Bog paper, if not used properly,…

Writer claims spoof story is the most controversial ever written

A frequent contributor to an online satirical news website has claimed that a story he has wriiten could easily be described as 'The Most Controversial Spoof Story in History', in order to draw attention to it. The story in question was written fo…

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