Monday, 7 September 2020

Spoof Writer Receives 3-Star Rating For Story

A frequent, though, by no means the most frequent, contributor to a satirical news website, has said he was interested to note that a reader of one of his stories had awarded it a 3-star rating today, which was thought-provoking. Moys Kenwood, 57,…

Fly swatting in France can be an explosive hobby!

(NOT EDITED) Flies are pests, full stop! Maybe not as bad as mosquitoes or gnats, but they are still a damn nuisance! However, a French fly, not a Spanish one (really irritating), got his own back whilst pestering a farmer's wife in her kitchen. T…

Punk Rockers Called Mod's Scooter A 'Puff Chariot'

A man who was reminiscing about the days of his youth, with his mates in a pub at the weekend, remembered someone he knew who was a Mod, and of how people would refer to this person's scooter as a 'Puff Chariot'. Moys Kenwood, then 17, was an arde…

Nancy Poozleosi Claims Her Shih Tzu Ate Her Face Mask

BILLINGSGATE POST: If there is any certainty in this world, it’s that Nancy Poozleosi will never admit a mistake. The name “Poozleosi” is a story in itself. In Ken Kesey’s novel, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, McMurphy is ruminating about the…

LGBTQ Community goes Animal

The glamour of Christopher Street parades around the world is a beacon of light in the face of discrimination and exclusion within society. And friends of the LGBTQ community are now welcoming a host of new members…so to say. Having recently add…

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow Reports That Trump’s Chauffeur is Voting for Joe Biden

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - The queen of MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, has learned from a White House insider that the President’s personal chauffeur has said that he is not going to vote for Trump. The chauffeur, who asked that his name not be used,…

Michael Cohen’s Tell-All Book on President Trump is Reportedly Quite Telling

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - The publishers of Michael Cohen’s new tell-all book are as happy as beavers in a lumber yard. The book is titled “I Know President Donald Trump Better Than Melania, Marla, Ivana, and Stormy All Put Together”. Pr…

Donald Trump To Fire The Messenger

Donald Trump, the Abuser-In-Chief of free speech, has declared that Jennifer Griffen, of Fox News, should be fired because she corroborated the Atlantic Monthly story about Trump: At the gravesite in Arlington Cemetery, Trump referred to the buried s…

A McDonald’s is Shut Down When It’s Discovered it Was Using Camel Meat in Their Happy Meal Burgers

RIYAD, Saudi Arabia - (Satire News) â€" Authorities with Saudi Arabia’s food watch-dog agency, Fadi Wadi Wadi, are reporting that a random check of a McDonalds in Riyadh found traces of camel meat in the Happy Meal burgers. Store manager, Kasheem Me…

Major League Baseball Votes to Ban Organ Music

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) - Major League Baseball announces that the age-old tradition of having organists play their little sing-song ditties at games will be discontinued with the start of the 2020 season. The decision was handed down by M…

Fox on the run after nicking chicken!

(UNEDITED) Foxes, renowned for their sly and clever behavior, are beating poachers at their own game. A fox called, Father Fox, went out on his nocturnal hunt only to find local farm cats had nicked all the field mice and small mammals in his hunt…

Dog receives ballot for November election; holds news conference

Mr. Trump has announced that the Democrats are sinking to new lows by sending ballots to cats and dogs across the nation. Democrats have denied the charge, saying any case of a pet (dead or alive) receiving a ballot is a minor glitch in the voting…

Harry Maguire Didn't Even Watch England On TV

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England defender, who was dropped by national team boss Gareth Southgate for the Three Lions' match in Iceland last night, has said that he was so frustrated and angry about the decision, that he didn't even b…

Cops Foil Lockdown Crime Wave

Police have foiled several hold-up attempts during the virus lockdown. “Robbers were confused,” said Chief Inspector Nickem. “We was confused,” admitted getaway driver Andy Wither-Jumplead. “It’s not fair,” complained Al Cumquietly. “We couldn’t…

A 94-Year-Old Great Grandmother In North Dakota Caught With 283 Opioid Pills In Her Size 44-DDDD Bra

FARGO, North Dakota â€" (Satire News) â€" Local authorities informed the local CBS television affiliate that, acting on a tip, they apprehended an elderly woman in possession of a large amount of illegal opioids. The Fargo Police Department arrested 9…

Euro Countries Covid-19 Smoke Screens

With the gradual increase of Coronavirus cases taking hold in all of the European countries, the various governments have been accused of masking the true spread of the pandemic by utilising 'Smoke Screen' tactics. Spain was yesterday accused by t…

Prime Minister Set To Bring Back Sunday Bathtimes…

In a bizarre twist to all the Covid-19 nonsense, where both the British Prime Minister and the American President claimed that children cannot get the virus, they have backtracked, and said they could get it when they are older. It's almost 30 yea…

Boeing Uncover New Medium-Sized Aircraft

Aircraft maker Boeing have unveiled their new 'Boeing 666' aircraft, specifically produced for the European short-haul market. Boeing Chairpersonage Barry Marshmallow told us, "We're very excited to announce the '666'. Apart from a greener engine,…

Howard Stern Says Eric and Donald Trump Jr., Are Spoiled Brat Punks For Shooting What Are Basically Petting Zoo Animals

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) - Howard Stern has just expressed what tens of millions of civilized people have said about grown men who ambush animals. The shock jock said that these pantywaists like the Trump boys, Eric and Donnie Jr., think th…

Shoe Shop For People With One Foot Now Open

A shoe shop that caters exclusively for people with one leg, or rather, with one foot, has opened its doors to the general public, or rather, that section of the general public that has only one foot. The Landmine Footwear Emporium deals specific…

So-called Stonehenge Experts Put In Their Place

A high school student has miraculously uncovered the secret past of Stonehenge. After centuries of 'spoof stories' being released about druids, pagans and monks, Dean Turnbridge just walked into his local library and looked at a book. "It's qu…

Lie-detector machines in White House replaced by masks.

According to unconfirmed White House sources, over two hundred lie-detector machines have been junked because they continually blew their fuses when Mr Trump and White House staff took the test. Each test takes approximately ten minutes, and cover…

Gay cat turns hetero after being wooed by hot feline!

(UNEDITED) A farm cat called, Anton, refused to acknowledge the existence of female cats on the farm where he resides. The farmer's wife, who feeds the cats, observed Anton, and came to the conclusion that he was gay! The other male tom cats on th…

One of Mexico's Greatest Bullfighters Swears He Caught (La) Coronavirus From Bull Spit

TIJUANA, Mexico â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Mexico’s La Palabra News has stated that one of the nation’s greatest matadors, Habanero Del Chipotle, says he's come down with the Coronavirus. La Coronavirus, as it is called in Mexico, until recently, had not…

Human Beings Now On The Endangered Species List

As the world sits anxiously waiting for a cure for the Coronavirus, Covid-19, it's been revealed that human beings, themselves, have now been added to the Endangered Species list. The astonishing news was announced by the World Health Organization…

Man Would Have Liked To Have Killed Woman In Book

A man reading a book became so hateful of one of its female characters, that he claims he would have liked to have killed her with his own bare hands, or, in a variety of other ways. The book in question, 'Une Page d'Amour', by Emile Zola, was bei…

How Did The U.S. Become A Police State?

Thinking heads are questioning, "When did the U.S. become a police state?" We don’t exactly hear the Anne Frank police siren on squad cars slowly moving down streets, but it’s close. Many are wringing their hands, wondering how the Trump nightmare ha…

It’s Now Official - President Trump Spends Way More Time Denying Things Than He Does on Dealing With the Coronavirus

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - A report that appeared on Fox News clearly shows that President Trump now spends more time denying things he has said than he does in dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic. Trump denies he said that Neptune is a co…

Humble taxi driver has solved a Biblical mystery - or has he?

A Bulgarian taxi driver has discovered the ruins of the legendary Tower of Babel. The gentleman was driving an Iranian national to his home in the north of Iran, when he spotted some loose gravel which was a different colour to the soil around i…

A Cocaine-Carrying Cat Successfully Climbs Over Trump’s Border Wall

PAPOOSE RATTLE, New Mexico â€" (Satire News) â€" Border Patrol agents report that they saw a cat carrying a small backpack scale Trump's Border Wall. The agents are 99.8% certain that the backpack was filled with cocaine. They informed a reporter…

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