Tuesday, 15 September 2020

Bob Woodward Has Painted His Fence

After the recent controversy surrounding the release of 'Rage', his book about President Donald Trump, Bob Woodward, the investigative journalist and best-selling author, has been taking a more leisurely approach to things, and last week, painted his…

Parents Who Thought Their Son Had A Unique Name Disappointed To Find Out They Were Wrong

A couple who believed they had given their baby son a name that was unique throughout the entire world, have spoken about the disappointment they experienced when they found out they were wrong. Brian and Jackie Smith, from Kansas, already had a d…

Woodward Discovers Missing Minutes on Trump Tapes

Arlington, Va - Reporter Bob Woodward announced, yesterday, that over eighteen minutes from his Trump White House tapes were erased. "I don't know what happened," tweeted Woodward. "I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. In fact, it w…

Senate Rejects Bill to Bring Indoor Plumbing to Capitol Building

WASHINGTON â€" In a close vote, the US Senate has voted 51-49 not to move forward with HR 6006 that would have brought indoor plumbing to the Capitol Building. “The Republican Senate is getting tired of these radical left-wing proposals coming from…

Uncomfortable Silence In Police Station As Man Bellows "See You Next Tuesday!"

There was a 'tumbleweed moment' at a local police station yesterday, as a man being released from custody, and told to report back to the station next week, gave a cheery goodbye to the uniformed member of staff, telling him: "See you next Tuesday…

Trump’s Coronavirus Vaccine Is Coming, Uh Huh, Like His Tax Returns

As a win-win tactic to cover up his failure at warning Americans back in January about the coronavirus, Donald Trump today announced that a vaccine would be ready as soon as election day, November 3, 2020. Maybe even sooner. Voters are supposed to…

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Quarterback Tom Brady Says His Helmet Was Too Big

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers kicked off their season with a disappointing loss to the New Orleans Saints, but the controversy here was after the game, when the Buccs quarterback, Tom Brady, apologised for his poor performance, saying that his helmet was…

Covid-19 Complaint Line Opening Soon

The UK Government have opened a Covid-19 complaint line. Harry Enfield lookalike, Michael Gove, told us, "What, with all the to-ing and fro-ing about whether we're locked down or up … and whether we can drive blind or not … we recognise that t…

German Aldi worker cracks smile and is sacked!

(NOT EDITED) International German giant supermarkets, Aldi and Lidl, have strict criteria about what their employees can do and must not do. One employee in one of their Berlin locations found out what it's like to break their regulations whilst sitt…

Senate Republicans Racing To Trump’s Defense

Senate Republicans are rolling out of bed, instantly defending Trump’s failed actions on the coronavirus pandemic. Yes, Trump played golf. Yes, Trump watches a lot of television. So he said coronavirus was like a bad cold, and that it would go away l…

Biden Promises to Calm Hurricanes in His First Term

Speaking today from Wilmington Delaware, Presidential Candidate Joe Biden said, "Donald Trump's climate denial may not have caused these fires and record floods and record hurricanes, but if he gets a second term, these hellish events will continue t…

President Trump Says That The Audio Tapes of Him Using the Dreaded “N” Word Are Fake

ENCHILADA LAKE, California â€" (Satire News) - A White House insider says that the president is literally foaming at the mouth at a recent report. Wikileaks has allegedly obtained several hours' worth of audio tapes, in which the self-proclaimed ‘le…

Two Disgruntled Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Throw Jerry Jones Under the Bus

DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" ESPN-4 is reporting that two veteran Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders are extremely upset with the way owner Jerry Jones treats them. Melody Manzanita, 24, and Dolly Dally, 21, have filed charges against Jones, claiming that,…

Number 10 Suffers Robbery

The Metropolitan Police have acknowledged a massive breakdown in security this morning, as details have emerged of a robbery at the Prime Minister's London residence. Red-faced Chief Inspector Mike Rimminal told us, "The intruder appears to have m…

Tom Brady Said He Could Not Concentrate on Tampa Bay's Game Against the New Orleans Saints Because of Hurricane Sally

NEW ORLEANS â€" (Sports Satire) - Tom Brady revealed after the game that he was trying to hurry every chance he got, as his Tampa Bay Buccaneers played against the New Orleans Saints in the "Big Easy". Brady admitted that he did not play his best ga…

The Dallas Cowboys Are Singing Those Cowpoke Blues as They Fall To The Los Angeles Rams

LOS ANGELES â€" (Sports Satire) - The Los Angeles Rams inaugurated their brand new $5.1 billion stadium, SoFi Stadium. Due to the NFL budget being as messed up as it is, the usual Thunderbirds 4-jet fly-over was, instead, a one-helicopter fly-over,…

Queen Backs Full Return To Work

As calls from the general public to get back to normal, and to return to work continue to gather momentum, Her Majesty the Queen has waded into the row, and given her own personal backing to end the lockdown, saying she, herself, intends to get back…

President Trump Tells Sean Hannity That He Actually Served in Vietnam

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - President Trump made a surprise appearance on Sean Hannity’s Fox News television show. He said that he is sick and tired of hearing that he received five military deferments due to his bone spur infections. The p…

Why Is Trump Running For President?

Why is Donald Trump running for a second term? He should be running for the border, stopping at the first country that hasn’t signed an Extradition Treaty with the United States. Running along with him should be William Barr, Rudolph Giuliani, Mi…

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Refuse To Wear Face Masks

The Dallas Cowboys will kick off their season against the Rams on Monday night, but the big news is that the engine room of the team - the cheerleaders - have refused to wear face masks while performing their sideline routines. Cheerleading coach…

Chinese Interference Alleged

Hosiery enthusiast Damon Bunyon was shocked to find large holes appearing in several newly-acquired pairs of socks. “I was simply thinking of the planet,” said a shocked Bunyon, “by buying bamboo.” The Bamboo Sock Company (Bam!Sock!Co!) has been p…

Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Furious at the Referees Missed Calls, Files a $21 Million Lawsuit

DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Jerry Jones was interviewed by a reporter with CBS Sports, and Jones told him his team should be 1-0, but instead they’re 0-1 due to lots of missed calls by the refs. Jones said that referee Nicky “Bubba” Biggaboro, 42,…

Second Wave Of Covid-19 Prompts Boris To Bring Forward Christmas…

Prime Idiot, Boris Johnson, has pulled a prize turkey out of the hat during the latest session of PMQs. In a presser, a room full of journalists sat dumbfounded as he described his government's current festive dilemma. He choked, "Since forcing ki…

Nobel Peace Prize A Bit Different Next Year

Nothing stays the same forever, even the Alfred Nobel Peace Prize, which, next year, will be adapted slightly, so that recognition can be awarded to those hardworking people who slave away in the manufacturing and processing plants at some of the big…

Kate Gosselin Shocked at Ex-Husband Jon's Arrest

WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania â€" (Satire News) - The original queen of TV’s reality shows is shocked at hearing of her ex-husband, Jon Gosselin’s arrest. The tall, svelte blonde who starred with Jon on the reality show “Jon and Kate Plus 8,” cannot beli…

The Coronavirus Has Caused Sales of Convertibles To Plummet By 313%

DETROIT â€" (Satire News) - The United States auto industry is reeling from the fact that sales of convertibles has spiraled down in just the past six months. Tab Vienna, a spokesman for Kia, said that sales of the once very popular ‘topless’ cars h…

Falkirk Bairn Wins Hearts And Minds Of The Community…

A 10-year-old boy from Bainsford, Josh Sanderson, has won critical acclaim for the work he is doing in and around the town. His generosity has included picking-up litter along the canal, handing out food parcels for the elderly during the lock-down,…

Weather now almost as popular as Donald Trump

A weather whistleblower has said that supposedly funny news stories about the weather are now almost as popular as other supposedly funny stories about the US president, Donald Trump. The claim was made by a contributor to the satirical news websi…

Infamous spoof writer hits jackpot, but doesn't receive a dime!

(NOT EDITED) The Spoof, with all of its 'agitations' and 'jagged-edges', still manages, sometimes, to reach out over the vast plethora of global internet media-news sites, and have a spoof or two published there. This opportunity is open to all sp…

Kaitlyn Jenner in world first procedure

Once the head of the Kardashian family, the former Bruce Jenner, Kaitlyn Jenner, expressed her boredom with life as a woman. So, in order to shake her life into something more substantial, Kaitlyn has announced she will transition to a four-legged an…

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