Blog archive

Friday, 25 September 2020

Donald Trump Denied Entry At Sperm Bank

There was controversy in downtown Manhattan this morning, when President Donald Trump was refused entry at a local sperm bank during an unannounced flying visit to New York. The incident happened at the Lower East Side Sperm Donation Center on Eas…

Man Finds It Difficult To Eat When Wearing A Face Mask

A man who strictly obeys rules and has been closely observing the government's instructions during the Coronavirus pandemic, has said that, although he wears a protective face mask all of the time, this causes problems when he is taking his meals.

Donald Trump Sperm Bank Project To Go Ahead

President Donald Trump may finally have gone some way to acknowledging his own part in the deaths of more than 200,000 US citizens from the Coronavirus, by announcing his intention to open brand new state-of-the-art sperm banks in every major city ac…

Thunderbirds Brains Moves Into New Home With Boyfriend

There was happy news in the world of children's entertainment this week, when Brains, the clever one from 'Thunderbirds', moved into his brand new multi-million-dollar home in the Los Angeles hills, along with his boyfriend. Brains, now 71, but lo…

China to ship free upgrade to COVID-20

Following worldwide criticism of COVID-19, it has emerged that China will start shipping a free upgrade by the end of this November. COVID-20 will be available to all countries currently using COVID-19, and incorporates several important new bugs.

Waitress Grateful For Enormous Tip

A New Orleans waitress received the shock of her life when presented with an enormous tip after serving a single male customer. “I had never seen anything as big as that,” Ashley recounted on her Facebook Page, where local news sources picked up…

A Vote For Trump Is A Vote For Putin

WAKEUP NEWS: What everyone suspected has been uncovered by investigating reporters at WAKEUP NEWS. WAKEUP is reporting that a vote for Donald Trump is a vote for Trump’s best friend, Vladimir Putin. Ask any checker at any grocery store. “What d…

American Tourist Tries To Blend In With Manchester Locals

An American tourist who was visiting England for the first time recently, got into a 'sticky situation' when he walked into a Manchester pub and spoke in a way that he imagined might endear him the locals. The 'cousin from across the Pond', Abel R…

Magnet anglers forced to throw back all knives under 12cm long

A new law spells the end of uncontrolled magnet fishing in Britain’s canals and rivers. The sport has grown rapidly in recent years, with experienced anglers (known as ‘maglers’) landing catches including swords, shotguns, safes and even parking mete…

Joe Biden Says Since Trump Is Not Going To Wear a Mask, He Plans to Wear a Haz-Mat Suit For The Televised Presidential Debates

PASCAGOULA, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) - Joe Biden says that he will go ahead with the presidential debate even though Trump refuses to wear a Coronavirus mask. The former vice-president told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that, unlike Donald, he cares ab…

57 Hurricanes, 83 Earthquakes, and 179 Wildfires, and Still President Trump Insists That There’s No Global Warming

ELEPHANT BUTT, Ohio â€" (Satire News) â€" The 45th president spoke to a crowd of supporters and semi-supporters in the tiny town of Elephant Butt. And, right off the bat, he took a shot at the black Democratic vice-presidential candidate, Kamala Harr…

Tom Bergeron, Who Was Fired From Dancing With The Stars, Says He Doesn't Like The New Host Tyra Banks

EL SEGUNDO, California â€" (Celebrity Satire) - Ex-host of Dancing With The Stars, Tom Bergeron, spoke with a reporter with iRumors from his El Segundo beach house. Tom told Vodka Vermicelli he regrets having gotten into a physical altercation with…

Social-media user sues Facebook because his fingers turned stiff!

(NOT EDITED) "Those who perpetrate social-media crimes, should be taken to justice!" Was the reaction of a Facebook user after visiting a physiotherapist who analyzed the man's fingers, which were totally 'stiff!' After being diagnosed with a drea…

Jennifer Lopez has an old puss

A 26-year-old cat is getting a new lease on life after a foster home decided to "take a chance" on the cuddly old pussy by donating her to Jennifer Lopez. The elderly female cat, named Maria, was surrendered to the Lopez home last month, after its…

"If God Wanted a Liberal on the Supreme Court…"

Hamburger, Virginia. U.S.A. Woof Blister with another SINful report for Spoof International News. Jerry Farewell, Jr., defrocked president of Hypocrisy College, the world's most rhapsodic university, met with reporters as he was cleaning out his pala…

Man Got Cramp Whilst Having A Dump

A man who frequently suffers from agonizing muscle cramps in his legs has revealed how he had to endure one of the worst cramp attacks he can remember, at the weekend, during a middle-of-the-night visit to the toilet for a shit. The painful incide…

Coronavirus Will Vote Trump

President Trump might be suffering from a lack of voter confidence in the pre-election opinion polls, but he can sure count on the support of at least one major player - the Coronavirus. COVID-19 is a big fan of Donald Trump. In fact, it's fair to…

CNN in a Brilliant Move Hires Trump's Former Lawyer and Fixer Michael Cohen to be a Political Consultant

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" The president of CNN stated that there is no one on the face of the earth who knows more intimate secrets about President Trump than Michael Cohen. Cohen knows where all of Trump’s dozens of skeletons are buried, as…

Dancing With The Stars Eliminates This Season's First Couple

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" DWTS is now into its 29th season of foot-stompin’, hip-shakin’, and butt-bouncing dancing. The season’s first couple to be eliminated was former NBA star Charles Oakley and British dancer Emma Slater. After the show, Oa…

Man Pours Pepsi Into Coca-Cola Glass And Blows Up Own House

A man from Toronto, Canada discovered the hard way that when you pour something into a decorative Coca-Cola glass, it had better damn well be Coke. For oblivious Torontonian, Shtee Maginnon, pouring his third choice of beverage into one of his fa…

Philadelphia Eagles' Wentz Booed Off the Field By Cardboard Fans

In Sunday’s game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Los Angeles Rams, Eagles’ quarterback, Carson Wentz, was booed off the field after throwing his second interception of the game. While this was surprising, even more surprising was the fact th…

The NFL Will Be Hitting NFL Coaches with Hefty Fines If They Are Caught Without Their Masks

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell says that he is not going to baby anyone; especially adult, mature NFL football coaches. The commissioner, who says that he has never had so much stress as he does now, what with wor…

The Latest Right Coast Revue Poll Shows Most Americans Consider Trump, McConnell, and Graham Low-Life Skum

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Ashburn Wasabi, with The Right Coast Revue, writes that the political phrase “Playing Politics” has never been more appropriate than it is today with the undisputed “King of Hatred” who sits in the White House, at lea…

The Houston Astros Are Rockin’ and Rollin’ Toward The Postseason Playoffs

HOUSTON â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Sporting Chance Magazine reports that the Houston Astros have made a big turnaround, and they have, little by little, overcome the 2017 sign-stealing scandal. The Astros are now rockin’ and rollin’ toward the MLB po…

The In ‘N’ Out Burger Chain Disputes Claims That Their French Fries Taste Like Chalk

IRVINE, California â€" (Satire News) â€" A spokesperson for the In-N-Out hamburger franchise says the company disputes a national publication’s claim that In-N-Out’s French fries taste like chalk. In-N-Out spokeswoman, Tallulah Gruggle, stated that th…

Government Ministers In A&E Crisis

Government health adviser Gerda Funnifeelin says she is concerned about the Government's response to an A&E crisis. “Many ministers don’t appear to able to distinguish their A from their E,” she said. “That is despite taking their 100k, and being…

Please Panic Buy Again, Urge Supermarkets

UK supermarkets and retailers have urged both fat, sweaty halfwits and rich, greedy twats to start hoarding and panic buying again, after news that a minor "lockdown" will be needed to halt the spread of Covid-19. "We need these morons to spend,"…

Death Of Ruth Bader Ginsburg Proves God Has A Sense Of Humor

Heavenly Headlines: The death of an icon, a miracle, a giant like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, proves God has a sense of humor! If Ruth Ginsburg had been a Republican conservative on the bench, believing women belonged in the kitchen, barefoot and pregna…

Millennial Film Review: Mel Gibson's Sequel to the Passion of the Christ

The New York Post reports that Mel Gibson has begun work on a sequel to his blockbuster film, “The Passion of the Christ”, which, for those unfamiliar with the Bible, tells the story of a carpenter from Galilee and twelve homeless men who follow him…

Suicide rates peak in the UK as government announce 10 PM closures in pubs and clubs!

(NOT EDITED) Covid 19 is killing less, no doubt. However, infection rates are soaring all over the planet, and especially in the UK because younger boozers and clubbers are so utterly irresponsible, they are causing 'Covid Peaks' all over the country…

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