Saturday, 5 September 2020

Human Beings Now On The Endangered Species List

As the world sits anxiously waiting for a cure for the Coronavirus, Covid-19, it's been revealed that human beings, themselves, have now been added to the Endangered Species list. The astonishing news was announced by the World Health Organization…

Freddie Mercury Is 74 Today

The world of rock music stood for a minute's silence today to celebrate the 74th birthday of the multi-talented former Queen frontman Freddie Mercury, who is dead. Born Farrokh Bulsara, in Zanzibar, on 5 September, 1946, Mercury showed promise at…

Gay cat turns hetero after being wooed by hot feline!

(UNEDITED) A farm cat called, Anton, refused to acknowledge the existence of female cats on the farm where he resides. The farmer's wife, who feeds the cats, observed Anton, and came to the conclusion that he was gay! The other male tom cats on th…

Lie-detector machines in White House replaced by masks.

According to unconfirmed White House sources, over two hundred lie-detector machines have been junked because they continually blew their fuses when Mr Trump and White House staff took the test. Each test takes approximately ten minutes, and cover…

Unlucky Football Team Call It A Day, Luckily For Them…

The most jinxed team in world football have decided, after playing in the Sunday Amateur leagues, to call it a day. Inter Mill-inn, who joined Scottish Division Two 15 years ago, and who were promoted in their first season, have had endless bad l…

Man Who Likes To Use The Phrase 'By The Skin Of His Teeth', Realizes Teeth Don't Have Skin

Writers describing hair-raising adventures and dangerous situations from which an escape is, somehow, miraculously effected, are often known to use the phrase "by the skin of his teeth" when doing so, but one man who has used this phrase had to stop…

Man Has Stopped Saying "Hello"

In a move that would have the former Commodores singer Lionel Richie spinning in his grave - if he were dead, which he isn't, one man has decided that, henceforth, he is not going to say the word "Hello" anymore. The reason is simple. "Overuse,…

Losers And Suckers, Vote Twice For Trump, And His Hair Is The Thing

September Election News: Unbelievably, the Trump election campaign has doubled down at the start of the month, making Trump’s defeat certain. More stuff is coming out about the real Donald Trump, and while always suspected, this new stuff is traitoro…

It’s Now Official - President Trump Spends Way More Time Denying Things Than He Does on Dealing With the Coronavirus

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) - A report that appeared on Fox News clearly shows that President Trump now spends more time denying things he has said than he does in dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic. Trump denies he said that Neptune is a co…

Trump seeks the services of the Man of Steel

In breaking news, United States President Donald J Trump has appealed to comic book hero Superman to help end the violence on the streets of Portland and Kinosha. Mr Trump said that, more than ever, the people of America looked to the "Man of Steel"…

Alec Baldwin and Kate Upton To Star In A Movie Based On The Book By Stormy Daniels

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) - The word filtering out of LaLaLand is that President Trump impersonator Alec Baldwin and Big-Size Woman model Kate Upton, have just signed to star in a motion picture based on the book by Donald Trump strumpet Stormy Danie…

A Cocaine-Carrying Cat Successfully Climbs Over Trump’s Border Wall

PAPOOSE RATTLE, New Mexico â€" (Satire News) â€" Border Patrol agents report that they saw a cat carrying a small backpack scale Trump's Border Wall. The agents are 99.8% certain that the backpack was filled with cocaine. They informed a reporter…

AWOL A-Go-Go

A Spitfire has been found underneath the area that was reserved for a new chateau in France. As the JCBs drove in to dig the foundations, the amazing discovery was made. Even more amazing is that, after it was excavated, it was discovered that the…

Man who says asking for a friend, doesn't have any friends

John Hargreaves, a man about town from Tipping on the Wold, who always uses the phrase Asking for a Friend, has revealed, that, sadly, he doesn't have any friends. The rambunctious 37-year-old kettle descaler told us: 'Yes, I say it all of the tim…

Man writes quick story, just to say he's done one today

A frequent contributor to an online satirical news website has spoken of how he quickly wrote a story in about ten minutes, just to say he'd done one for today, and so that other contributors wouldn't get to totally monopolise the pages of The Spoof.

Man who tells people he can't complain spending time complaining

Barry Smyth, from Mithering on the Trent, always tells people, when asked how he is, that he can't complain. Judging from his recent behaviour on Trip Advisor, Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else, though, he has spent Lockdown doing very little o…

President Trump Denies That He’s a Member of the KKK

CATFISH MEOW, North Carolina â€" (Satire News) â€" The President is saying that an article that appeared in the Oxnard Obligatory Observer newspaper is totally and positively false. The story written by Rex T. Narragansett states that DJT first joined…

President Trump Complains That People in Guatemala are Receiving Mail-In Ballots for the U.S. Presidential Election

CLAM CHOWDER CREEK, Massachusetts â€" (Satire News) - The Electoral College president was reportedly as mad as an ostrich with no feathers, when he learned about the latest in the mail-in ballots saga. Trump was told that there are millions of peopl…

Meghan Markle says Melania Trump's green dress was from Primark

Meghan Markle, the wife of Prince Harry, has become involved in a controversy after commenting that Melania Trump, the wife of President Donald Trump, wore a dress to the Republican Convention which she, herself, has seen for sale in the online cloth…

Wendy’s Announces That the Name of All Their Chicago Fast Food Restaurants Will Now Be Windy’s

PICKLE TREE, Ohio â€" (Satire News) â€" The nation’s third largest fast food chain is always seeking ways to try and catch up to the number two franchise, Burger King. In an effort to climb that much sought-after fast food ladder, Wendy’s has hired th…

Dow Hits 29,000; "Will it Poof?" Asks Puffitt

Omaha, Nebraska. USA. Woof Blister with another SOB story - Spoof On Business. Only a week after the Dow came within 1,000 points of wiping out the 11,000-point pandemic bear market, the Dow today closed less than 500 points short of that goal. Coupl…

Wikileaks Announces That it is Planning on Dumping Hundreds of Explicit Photos of President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) - A well-known White House insider is saying that the President is in a horrendously horrible mood, after learning from son Eric, that Wikileaks has just announced an up-coming public photo dump. Trump, who, four y…

Jose Altuve Says The Houston Astros Have Learned Their Lesson

HOUSTON â€" (Sports Satire) - Houston Astros super star Jose Altuve spoke with a reporter for CBS Sports, and told him that the Astros have learned their lesson, and they will never, ever again cheat during a baseball game. He noted that it has been…

Trump Tries Out New Nickname For Biden?

Is Donald Trump trying out a new nickname for Joe Biden? When is Trump going to grow up and try doing his job at the White House? Or does he need his big sister to do that for him as well? Joe Shapiro? Thanks a lot! Did you spend all the money Tr…

Writer claims spoof story is the most controversial ever written

A frequent contributor to an online satirical news website has claimed that a story he has wriiten could easily be described as 'The Most Controversial Spoof Story in History', in order to draw attention to it. The story in question was written fo…

Scratching bums in public in India leads to a prison sentence!

(UNEDITED) There are many reasons for people requiring to scratch their 'rear-ends' in public. Uncomfortable underpants, nylon knickers, tangas, fleas, and the most notable cause is; inappropriate use of bog paper. Bog paper, if not used properly,…

Suntan Is Coming Along Nicely

The Coronavirus drags on with no end in sight, leaving many people at a loose end through not being able to go back to work, but for one man, the extra free time spent in the sunshine is very welcome, as he tops up his suntan. Ken Moyswood, 57, ha…

President Donald Trump Threatens To Cut Off The Beer Supply to Kenosha, Wisconsin

KENOSHA, Wisconsin â€" (Satire News) - The President convoyed into Kenosha like he was General Patton marching in to liberate Casablanca during World War II. He was greeted by cheers and jeers, and lots of comments about his mama. Many waved U.S.

Tom Brady is Thrilled That the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are Looking at Signing the World’s Fastest Man â€" Usain Bolt

TAMPA BAY â€" (Sports Satire) - Tom Brady, who can hardly wait for the NFL season to begin, stated that he was really excited to hear that the Buccaneers may be signing Usain Bolt â€" the world’s fastest man. Brady told ESPN-4 that he called up Bolt a…

Baby Still Hasn't Stopped Crying

A baby boy born in early July, who started as he meant to go on, by bawling for all he was worth the moment he emerged into the open air, still hasn't stopped crying, even though it's now September. The tot, who was only just over 2 kilos in weigh…

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