Blog Archive

Tuesday, 29 September 2020

Sex To Be Taxed

There was grim news on the horizon this evening, when it was announced from Whitehall that, from 1 January next year, sex will become taxable. The Coronavirus has effectively put paid to British business, with manufacturing almost at a standstill,…

Flat-Earth-Believers believe the sun is God farting white hot farts into the universe!

(NOT EDITED) Global Loonies have formed a new protest for all global loonies to participate in, it's called, "Flat Friday Flatulence!" They have ordered all believers in the "Flat-Earth-Society-Conspiracy-Club' to join hands on Fridays and fart toge…

Man Can Remember Random French Words From School

A man who left high school more than 40 years ago has said he is still haunted by the experience of learning French, and is often bothered by remembering random French words and their meanings. Moys Kenwood, 57, left school in 1979, but still vivi…

President Trump Blames The California Wildfires on Fireflies

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump attended church services at Our Lady of The Perpetual Swamp - well, actually, he drove by the church on his way to get breakfast at McDonalds. According to a White House insider, the President rem…

Joe Rogan NOT supplying questions to Chris Wallace and the candidates for presidential debate

Following interest in Joe Rogan's hosting the first presidential debate, some sources (anonymous) indicate he is scripting questions and already passing them along. Moderator of Debate #1, FOX News' Chris Wallace, says not so, but he is “intereste…

I didn’t pay my taxes?

I didn’t pay my taxes? I didn’t pay my dues I didn’t sleep with hookers It’s really all fake news I didn’t cheat on spouses I didn’t collude with Russians My son-in-law certainly wasn’t involved In Moscow-based discussions I didn’t dodge…

The Donald would like his final resting place to be a pyramid

United States President, Donald J Trump, has expressed a strong desire to have his remains buried under the Egyptian Pyramid of the Sphinx. However, that's not enough for Donald. He wants to have his image carved into the pyramid, replacing the ex…

President Putin is Threatening to Release the Infamous President Trump “Pee-Pee” Tape

MOSCOW â€" (Satire News) â€" Russia’s national news agency, The Kremlin Voice, is reporting that President Vladimir Putin, is planning on making a major announcement. According to a Kremlin insider, Putin has become very unhappy with President Trump,…

Demi Lovato and Brad Pitt Are Reportedly Getting Hot and Heavy

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Celebrity Satire) â€" Celebrity Globe is reporting that the budding romance between Demi Lovato and Brad Pitt has reached the ‘sizzling stage’. Pia Confetti, with Celebrity Globe, said that a very reliable source informed her that the t…

The Seattle Seahawks Didn’t Need The 12th Man To Defeat The Dallas Cowboys

SEATTLE â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Seattle Seahawks defeated the Dallas Cowboys 38 to 31, before an empty stadium. Seahawks coach Pete Carroll pointed out that the team did not need the help of the 12th man. The 12th man refers to the team’s fans,…

Kneecaps and elbows

As any genuine football fan will tell you, the VAR system (video assistant referee) is rubbish. A shambles. Offside and handball rulings have become a lottery. While the F.A. promised it would mean 'minimal interference, maximum benefit', the naked t…

Biden Demands Trump Take A Spelling Test Before Debate

Presidential candidate Joseph Biden has demanded that Donald Trump take a spelling test before the presidential debates. There was a single requirement before taking the test. Trump would be scanned to see if he were wearing a wire or some form of tr…

Russian Vaccine To Be Mass Produced For US Market At Trump Sperm Banks

There was great news for the entire country, and even the world, this morning, when it was revealed that the Coronavirus vaccine currently being tested in Russia, is to be mass produced within the United States at President Trump's extensive network…

Spoof Writers United In Support For Trump

BILLINGSGATE POST: With the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court by President Trump yesterday, a number of Spoof writers who had previously dismissed Trump as a bad dream, overcame their distaste for him and jumped on Trump’s bandwag…

Spoof writers defy global logic by making people laugh in these f'ing miserable times!

(NOT EDITED) Sensational news coming out of Spoof HQ! Yes readers, spoof writers have joined hands to create something global people really need; "A laugh a minute!" However, not every 'spoofer' has joined the "Spoofing Satirical Sundays' movement…

Trump Won’t Commit To Leaving Office When He Loses. Oh Yeah?

Donald Trump says he won’t leave the White House IF he loses the election. Fella, you don’t own the White House. You are a guest of the American voter. You pay for your daily occupancy with winning votes. It’s like staying at a hotel, or one of y…

Man's Wife Never Listens To A Word He Says

It's something that's often said in jest between married couples, or between parents and children, or jokily between colleagues at work in a 'bantering' way, but there was nothing bantersome about one man's complaint this week, when he revealed that…

BBC Question Time Reclassified as Comedy

In an announcement tonight which is shocking to absolutely nobody, the new Director General of the BBC has announced that the flagship political discussion program "Question Time" will now be treated as a third-rate sitcom "It's bloody terrible,"…

Joe Biden’s Campaign Team Has Invited Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal to Sit in The Front Row at The Presidential Debate

DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" Democratic presidential candidate and the champion of the working class, Joe Biden, flew to his home town to pick up some more clean clothes. While in Dover, he spoke with a reporter with the Vox Populi News Agenc…

Man Oblivious To Bacon Factory Fire After Being Distracted By Nice Smell

A man has recounted how he remained unaware of a blaze at a local bacon processing factory, despite noticing a 'delicious smell'. Myke Woodson, 57, was sitting reading a book in the back garden of his mother's house in Oaf-on-Sea, when, all of a s…

The Nazi Alliance of AmeriKKKa Names President Trump It’s 2020 “Man of the Year”

ROTTEN PEACHES, Georgia â€" (Satire News) â€" One of the biggest Nazi organizations in the nation, the Nazi Alliance of AmeriKKKa, has just bestowed its annual “Man of the Year” award to President Donald Trump. The president will join a list of former…

President Trump is Thrilled That The Trumpapalooza Ass-Kickin’ Band Has Written a Song For His Campaign Rallies

NASHVILLE â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump’s favorite musical band has just informed him that they have written a campaign song for him to use at all of his campaign pep rallies. Cyrus Flick, who plays fiddle with the Trumpapalooza Ass-Kickin- Ba…

UK Barrister Mistaken For Defendant

Alexandra Wilson, the barrister who was mistaken for a defendant three times in one day at court, has called for compulsory anti-racism training at every level of the UK legal system. Ms. Wilson specialises in criminal and family cases. However…

Trump Can Play The Banjo With His Toes

Ever since watching the 1972 film Deliverance, Donald Trump has been intrigued by the banjo, and has become very proficient with that instrument. So much so, that he has managed to learn to play the banjo - with his toes! Of course, the banjo doe…

President Trump Insists That Sean Hannity Be The TV Debate Moderator Instead of Chris Wallace

BERLIN, Vermont â€" (Satire News) â€" The president had a campaign rally in the town of Berlin, which is noted for having the same name as the city in Germany. POTUS told the crowd, which he estimated to be at least 800,000, that he is almost ready fo…

Cat fighting not forbidden in German backgarden's!

(NOT EDITED) After a series of aggressive cats having 'pops' at each other in a German back garden in Iserlohn, a clever pit-bull owner thought, "I can make mega-Marks, sorry Euros, out of these cats 'popping' at each other." So, he built himself…

TNT Sports Commentators Charles Barkley and Shaquille O’Neal Are in Hot Water With The Black Community

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports News) â€" Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that two of the fattest sports analysts on television, Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal, have done gone and stepped in it again; the it being a pile of horseshit. Barkley, known a…

Where’s Hunter?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Elvis has been sighted more often than Hunter Biden. He was born with a plastic face and a silver spoon in his mouth. The guy was kicked out of the Navy. Do you know how hard it is to get kicked out of the Navy when your old man is…

Congressman Nadler Defiled the Office!

Washington D.C.; President Trump was furious upon learning the Congressman Jerry Nadler defecated on live TV yesterday. It’s rumored that he wanted the flags flown upside down at the Capitol building, but feared it might send the wrong message about…

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Never Takes Face Mask Off These Days

In news that will surprise many readers, the Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has said he has 'learnt his Greek lesson', and, these days, never takes his face mask off. Maguire was recently arrested on the Greek sunshine isla…

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