Blog Archive

Monday, 5 October 2020

President Trump's Corpse Could Be Flown To Saturn

After President Donald Trump tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19 last week, it's been suggested that, if he should succumb to the virus, his remains might be flown to Saturn in a reinforced titanium cask, to prevent the dangerous chemicals…

Presidential Debates To Be Settled By An Election

The controversial series of televised debates between President Donald Trump and his Democratic Party rival, Joe Biden, which have stunned the country with their intense feeling and high-level intellectual arguments, are to be settled with an electio…

Trump is Ready to Resume Essential Duties: Golf, Twitter, Watching Fox News, Super Spreader Cult Rallies

Washington - President Trump is ready to return to the White House after battling the effects of a COVID-19 infection he acquired while unnecessarily celebrating the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the United States Supreme Court in the White Hous…

Donald Trump diagnosed with Schadenfreude’s Disease (and Coronavirus)

A White House spokesman disclosed that President Trump is suffering from Schadenfreude’s Disease. And the Coronavirus. The 74-year-old US president has tweeted to his followers that he feels fine, and is sure he will get through it. Schadenfreu…

Liverpool, Manchester United and City demand to wear tight latex shorts after being comprehensively 'stuffed!'!

(NOT EDITED) Three of the so-called top teams in the English Premier League have all been caught with their baggy shorts dangling around their knees and are demanding changes! Liverpool, Man United and City players are begging their clubs to purch…

Air Force One Has Covid-19

Like Typhoid Annie, Air Force One has become a spreader of Covid-19. Step inside the 747, and you are bound to catch it. The plane is an enclosed environment with air conditioning circulating the virus. Masks, on Air Force One, are frowned upon, so s…

White House Rose Garden to be Renamed “Rona Garden” After Trump SCOTUS Event

Washington - After Donald Trump and the GOP sponsored and attended another White House event during the pandemic, with no social distancing and few masks worn by participants, it became apparent, after several attendees including the President contra…

Sales Of Weapons And Ammunition Go Through The Roof After President Trump Rumored To Be 'Out Of Danger'

Gun shops across the country have reported a huge surge in the purchase of weapons and ammunition after it was announced on national TV earlier, that President Donald Trump, cruelly struck down with the Coronavirus earlier in the week, is 'out of dan…

London Marathon Won By Man With Huge Hard-on

There was a huge controversy at the very end of the 2020 London Marathon this morning, when the winner revealed that he had crossed the finishing line with a stonking erection poking out of his running shorts. The Virtual London Marathon, I mean.

Whatever happened to Eric Pickles?

There was consternation today on a little-listened-to radio station, when DJ Mickey Taker asked the simple question: "Whatever happened to Eric Pickles?" The little-remembered Tory politician seems to have been out of the picture recently, replace…

Couple shopping in Sainsbury's, now that Laurence Fox isn't

Couple Paul and Antonia Clarke are now going to start shopping in Sainsbury's, as actor, musician, and potential politician Laurence Fox no longer will be. Known for playing second fiddle to Kevin 'Neville from Auf Wiedersehn Pet' Whately, a costl…

Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is Putting All the Blame for His Contracting the Coronavirus on President Trump

NEWARK, New Jersey â€" (Satire News) â€" Reports are that former New Jersey governor Chris Christie is madder than a spider whose web-making gland isn’t working. Christie, who spoke with the Vox Populi News Agency, admitted that, yes, he is extremely…

Trump Was Intentionally Infected with the Virus

President Donald Trump’s enemies are certainly gloating with news of his recent diagnosis. In their view, he is getting what he deserves for his personal carelessness and mismanagement of the pandemic. There is, however, good reason to believe that…

President Trump Coronavirus Misdiagnosed

In the aftermath of the news that the most powerful man in the world, President Donald Trump, has tested positive for the deadly Coronavirus, COVID-19, words are coming from the man, himself, that it is yet another case of fake news, and that he's ne…

President Trump is Negotiating to Buy Fox News

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" GOPicky Magazine is reporting that President Trump, who has contracted the Coronavirus due to stubbornly refusing to wear a mask, is still wheeling and dealing, but now from his hospital bed. His doctors report t…

Is Trump Liable If Supremacists Injure Biden Voters?

The ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg was asked whether she thought if one of the Proud Boys, or a member of the Boogaloo Boys, or any other white supremacists supporters of Trump, were to kill or injure a voter while attempting to cast their Biden vote,…

President Trump To Take Part In Second Presidential Debate From His Sick Bed

After the high drama and the low intellect of the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and his rival, Joe Biden, and the President's subsequent Coronavirus diagnosis, it's been decided that, for the second debate, Trump will take part from…

President Trump is Now Being Given The Experimental Drug Hydrixafibalosis

BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump's personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has just informed the news media that the President has been given a brand new experimental drug that was recently developed high in the Andes mountains of Bol…

Secret Recording Shows That Melania Trump Hates Christmas, Evangelicals, and Asparagus

CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" The Chicago Daily Wind has received an envelope which contained a secret recording, that was made of First Lady Melania Trump uttering some sailor-like vulgarities. The tape, which was provided by Wikileaks, had Melania r…

New England Patriots Quarterback Cam Newton Stricken With Painful Jaw Cramps

GILLETTE, Massachusetts â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Reports filtering out of the Patriots camp say that Cam Newton will be placed on the injured reserve list. The flamboyant quarterback is reportedly suffering from what is described as a form of the Carib…

Scott Baio is Making A Documentary on President Trump Titled The Man Who Really Should Be King

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Scott Baio, one of Trump’s biggest little ass-kissers, is making a documentary on the 45th president. Baio was interviewed by LaTuna LaTundra at his Hollywood Hills home,…

Putin poisons HIM!

(NOT EDITED) In an attempt to manipulate the coming US election, Putin sent one of his spies into the White House, disguised as a sous-chef. Security screening the spy were too busy keeping HIM away from Chancellor Merkel just in case she sneezed on…

President Trump Says He's Feeling a Bit Better After His Doctor Put Him on a Strict Anti-Coronavirus McDonald’s Food Regimen

BETHESDA, Maryland â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump was flown to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in a U.S. Army Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that they had to use a military helicopte…

President Trump Is Cured!

In a somewhat astonishing and confusing announcement made just minutes ago, it has been revealed that President Donald Trump, diagnosed with the Coronavirus, COVID-19, just days ago, is already feeling much better, and is set to be given the 'all-cle…

Hand Sanitizer Found To Be Contaminated With COVID-19 Spores

Health officials who carried out a raid on a Chicago factory which produces hand sanitizer for use in the battle against the Coronavirus, have said they found the product was riddled with traces of the Coronavirus. The search team of CDC experts h…

Besides Having A Sense Of Humor, God Loves A Democracy

Besides having a sense of humor, God loves a democracy, and don’t kid yourself, four more years of Trump with Barr as his Attorney General and a spineless, complicit Republican Senate with Mitch McConnell at the helm, would have been the end of this…

Trump Demands Biden Infect Himself!

President Trump is furious over his having tested positive for Covid-19. During a phone interview, he said, “Biden, yes that one is a no-brainer. But I want his puppeteer, Jill Biden, infected too. By the way, I’m doing great, never better. Kungflu h…

America weeps

Okay, so the whole world has been laughing at the States for 4 years. We all know that. It's looked on with disbelief, and often fear, while a narcissistic con artist has continuously insulted and fibbed to journalists, organizations and the planet a…

Political Pundits Claim That Donald Trump’s Chances of Getting Re-Elected Are Now Slim to None

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News). Most of the nation’s political pundits agree that Trump’s chances of getting re-elected are now slim to none. One pundit with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that he believes that 93-year-old Betty White has a better chan…

The Trump Women Say That Coronavirus Masks Are So Ugly

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" All of the Trump women sat mask-less at the recent presidential debate. Cameras caught Melania, Ivanka, Tiffany, Lara, and Kimberly (Guilfoyle), not wearing their masks, and looking like the cats that ate the ca…

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