Blog Archive

Monday, 12 October 2020

The Police Not Really Members Of The Police

In arresting news that is set to rock the world of rock music, it's been revealed that the members of The Police - Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland - were not actually members of the police force, but mere musicians. In a further astonishi…

Sleepy Joe Biden: Trying To Think, But Nothing Happens

BILLINGSGATE POST: Today, Democrats unleashed a three-pronged attack on President Trump. Resorting to antics first used back in the 1930's by Larry, Moe and Curly of the Three Stooges, their present-day counterparts, Sleepy Joe Biden, Kamala “Breath…

Is Trump Nuts?

Is Donald Trump nuts? Do you have to ask? Didn’t your mommy tell you to keep away from men who talked to themselves? They’re sitting on a park bench in conversation with self. Or walking down the street, shadow boxing along the way. Ladies who ta…

Trumper Militia Kidnap Mitch McConnell and Force Him to Stay at Covid Infested White House

Louisville - A Kentucky pro-Trump militia have kidnapped Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell from his home here, and have transported him to the White House grounds where he will be held until the election. Militia members became enraged at McC…

Dolly Parton Says If Trump Were To Grab Her Pussy, It Would Tear His Hand Off

Dolly Parton, the mega-successful Country and Western chanteuse, has broken her own self-imposed rule about keeping quiet on the subject of politics by firing a 'warning shot across the bows' of the US president, Donald J. Trump. Commenting on the…

President Trump Rejected As Host For Children's Storytime Show

President Donald Trump, who had been earmarked as a host for a new Children's Storytime show after he had vacated the White House, has been rejected for the position, after children across the country said he had no credibility left. The outgoing…

The White House Rose Garden Has Been Fumigated 9 Times and It's Still Testing Positive For The Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" A White House insider has stated that due to the fact that the Rose Garden is infested with the Coronavirus, it is probably going to have to be completely demolished. One of the White House gardeners, Napoleon Tr…

New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick Admits The Pats May Have to Scrap Their Season

GILLETTE, Massachusetts â€" (Sports Satire) â€" A very somber Coach Bill Belichick told sports reporters that the Coronavirus has really had a heavy impact on his team. He noted that Cam Newton, Stephon Gilmore, and several other players, as well as s…

The President Trump Halloween Mask is The Nation’s #1 Seller

LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) â€" The Los Angeles Post-Gazette has just noted that the number one-selling Halloween mask for this Halloween season is the President Donald Trump mask. One of the nation’s leading Halloween mask producers, Masks & A…

NFL Referees Will Begin Implementing a New Strict Coronavirus Mask Rule

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Commissioner Roger Goodell of the NFL has just issued a very strong directive to every one of the NFL teams. He has said that, due to so many players and coaches being stricken by C-19, he is instructing all NFL r…

Dutch bike-rider gets lost in Belgian hills!

(NOT EDITED) Not quite used to hilly terrein, a Dutch bike-rider decided to go for a weekend biking trip to neighboring Belgian where the terrein tends to be more hilly, and not as flat as a pancake. After several hours of biking up and down gradi…

Trump Supporters No Longer Fear Coronavirus

Supporters of the US president, Donald Trump, have come out in force across the country, and said that, after he spoke so boldly about his having defeated the Coronavirus, and telling everyone not to fear COVID-19, they, too, can now face up to the p…

An Emergency Visit At Walter Reed Medical Center?

Someone made an emergency trip to Walter Reed Medical Center last year. There's a rumor that someone got something stuck north of the mangos. The rumor follows that, after several days, it hadn't surrendered. So, it had to be removed. Professiona…

Woman Realizes She’s a Terrible Bore When Zoom Camera Keeps Focusing on Plant Behind Her

Arlington, Illinois - A local woman whose downtown office closing during the pandemic has resulted in her working from home and participating in numerous zoom meetings, has been forced to accept the reality that her lack of wit and personality have f…

Donald Trump Is Desperate

While Susan Collins promises to do the windows of everyone in Maine who is voting for her, Donald Trump is trying to win the minority vote away from Joe Biden with an invitation to the White House. First, he’s trying to folksy up his first name b…

Walking Dead Show Must Incorporate Socially Distanced Zombies….I Mean Walkers

Covid-19 has entered the realm of The Walking Dead. New state and federal regulations on being out in public have leaked over into the world of this beloved show. In recent episodes, swarms of walking dead corpses have been meandering about togeth…

App Shark: New Species Discovered

The App Shark is a new species that has been discovered in the Pacific Ocean. Scientists learned that it is tech-savvy and has a built-in Apple iPhone within its nose. When the App Shark swims, it generates electric energy that charges its built…

Vice Presidential Debate Leaked Unused Question

We all watched the presidential candidates Mike Pence and Kamala Harris go at it, and it was toned down when compared to last week's affair. These two important leaders gave us their best insight into how their running-mates would run our country…

Aussie wife refuses to jump in ocean to save her hubby from being eaten by Great White!

It's a well-known fact, that surfing in shark-infested waters can be dangerous. However, it appears that many surfers tend to believe they are immune to shark attacks, judging by their insistence on entering the water to catch huge waves crashing in,…

Career Criminal Caught

In a triumph for justice, a 56-year-old theft was finally solved today, and the perpetrator brought to book. Eddie Gleeson, 97, of Middlesbrough, was arrested after a successful police sting outside the city's central library yesterday. Criminal…

President Trump’s White House South Lawn Coronavirus-Spreader Campaign Hate Rally Flops

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Political Satire) â€" The Los Angeles Post-Gazette said that Trump’s lowly-anticipated White House hate rally came off with all the excitement of morning dew. The President repeated the same old batch of lies that he has come to…

Gareth Bale Asks Andy Carroll to Stand In for Him So He Can Play Golf Next Sunday in North London

Tottenham Stadium - Newly-arrived Spurs striker Gareth Bale, scheduled to start next Sunday's match against West Ham, has asked Newcastle and former West Ham forward Andy Carroll to show up in his place, due to the fact that he had inadvertently sch…

2020 Hot Dog Eating Contest

The 2020 Nathan’s Annual Hot Dog Eating Competition was under way this last summer, and everybody who is everybody watched from where they could. There weren’t many sports out there, so for a sports fan to find this one going on, was a diamond in the…

Hull City: Normal Service Has Been Resumed

All good things must come to an end, and so it was with Hull City's 'perfect' start to the new football season, when they visited Fleetwood Town last night, and normal service was resumed, after the Tigers were both battered and trounced in a humblin…

Trump Issues COVID Challenge

Donald Trump is becoming increasingly unhinged as he sees his reelection hopes dimming with each passing day. In his most desperate move to date, he has actually issued a COVID challenge to Joe Biden. Trump noted that he recovered from COVID in…

Taylor Swift Says If Donald Trump Gets Any Fatter, Instead of a Golf Cart, He’s Going To Need a Dump Truck

NASHVILLE â€" (Satire News) â€" The Chattanooga Divulger Record stated that Taylor Swift tweeted out to her 141 million followers that if they really, really like her, they’ll vote for Joe Biden. Swift said that Joe cares about people, whereas Trump c…

Dolly Parton In Late Bid To Become US President

In news that is almost impossible for anyone to take seriously, the Country & Western music star Dolly Parton, who had a string of hits, has announced her intention to run for the presidency of the United States. Parton, who has no political e…

President Trump Transfers Millions From His Campaign Fund to His Personal Charity Fund

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" An independent auditing firm has just revealed that President Trump recently transferred $8.3 million from his re-election campaign fund to his own personal charity fund. The chief auditor with the Milwaukee audi…

Utah Health Department Searching for Insect Exposed to Visitor Who Attended COVID Spreading Maskless Events in Washington D.C.

Salt Lake City - After a visitor from a COVID-19 hot spot in another state was seen in the area participating in an indoor political event, local health authorities became alarmed when a fly apparently ignored the plexiglass, social distancing rules…

Donald Trump Did Not Win The Nobel Peace Prize

Incredible surprise. Stop the world. Donald Trump did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. You’d think that, after separating babies and children from parents, putting children in cages, and locking them in those cages, Donald Trump actually thought he cou…

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