Blog Archive

Sunday, 11 October 2020

Woman Realizes She’s a Terrible Bore When Zoom Camera Keeps Focusing on Plant Behind Her

Arlington, Illinois - A local woman whose downtown office closing during the pandemic has resulted in her working from home and participating in numerous zoom meetings, has been forced to accept the reality that her lack of wit and personality have f…

Trump Supporters No Longer Fear Coronavirus

Supporters of the US president, Donald Trump, have come out in force across the country, and said that, after he spoke so boldly about his having defeated the Coronavirus, and telling everyone not to fear COVID-19, they, too, can now face up to the p…

Donald Trump Is Desperate

While Susan Collins promises to do the windows of everyone in Maine who is voting for her, Donald Trump is trying to win the minority vote away from Joe Biden with an invitation to the White House. First, he’s trying to folksy up his first name b…

Hull City: Normal Service Has Been Resumed

All good things must come to an end, and so it was with Hull City's 'perfect' start to the new football season, when they visited Fleetwood Town last night, and normal service was resumed, after the Tigers were both battered and trounced in a humblin…

Gareth Bale Asks Andy Carroll to Stand In for Him So He Can Play Golf Next Sunday in North London

Tottenham Stadium - Newly-arrived Spurs striker Gareth Bale, scheduled to start next Sunday's match against West Ham, has asked Newcastle and former West Ham forward Andy Carroll to show up in his place, due to the fact that he had inadvertently sch…

Aussie wife refuses to jump in ocean to save her hubby from being eaten by Great White!

It's a well-known fact, that surfing in shark-infested waters can be dangerous. However, it appears that many surfers tend to believe they are immune to shark attacks, judging by their insistence on entering the water to catch huge waves crashing in,…

Walking Dead Show Must Incorporate Socially Distanced Zombies….I Mean Walkers

Covid-19 has entered the realm of The Walking Dead. New state and federal regulations on being out in public have leaked over into the world of this beloved show. In recent episodes, swarms of walking dead corpses have been meandering about togeth…

Vice Presidential Debate Leaked Unused Question

We all watched the presidential candidates Mike Pence and Kamala Harris go at it, and it was toned down when compared to last week's affair. These two important leaders gave us their best insight into how their running-mates would run our country…

Trump Issues COVID Challenge

Donald Trump is becoming increasingly unhinged as he sees his reelection hopes dimming with each passing day. In his most desperate move to date, he has actually issued a COVID challenge to Joe Biden. Trump noted that he recovered from COVID in…

Career Criminal Caught

In a triumph for justice, a 56-year-old theft was finally solved today, and the perpetrator brought to book. Eddie Gleeson, 97, of Middlesbrough, was arrested after a successful police sting outside the city's central library yesterday. Criminal…

Taylor Swift Says If Donald Trump Gets Any Fatter, Instead of a Golf Cart, He’s Going To Need a Dump Truck

NASHVILLE â€" (Satire News) â€" The Chattanooga Divulger Record stated that Taylor Swift tweeted out to her 141 million followers that if they really, really like her, they’ll vote for Joe Biden. Swift said that Joe cares about people, whereas Trump c…

Dolly Parton In Late Bid To Become US President

In news that is almost impossible for anyone to take seriously, the Country & Western music star Dolly Parton, who had a string of hits, has announced her intention to run for the presidency of the United States. Parton, who has no political e…

Donald Trump Did Not Win The Nobel Peace Prize

Incredible surprise. Stop the world. Donald Trump did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. You’d think that, after separating babies and children from parents, putting children in cages, and locking them in those cages, Donald Trump actually thought he cou…

Ivanka Trump Plays a Round of Golf in Honor of President Daddy

BEDMINSTER, New Jersey â€" (Sports Story) â€" ESPN-4 was at the President's Bedminster Golf Course when his daughter, Ivanka, teed off. The statuesque blonde was feeling very sad after having talked to her father, who told her that he was extremely de…

Hannity Will Moderate Next Debate After His Nose is Surgically Removed from Trump’s Ass

Washington - Fox News host Sean Hannity will be tabbed by the President and his supporters to be the moderator of the next debate between himself and Joe Biden. The location, according to Trump, will be the Fox News studios. Guests will be requir…

President Trump Transfers Millions From His Campaign Fund to His Personal Charity Fund

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" An independent auditing firm has just revealed that President Trump recently transferred $8.3 million from his re-election campaign fund to his own personal charity fund. The chief auditor with the Milwaukee audi…

Mike Pence: Don’t Call Me Fly Face

BILLINGSGATE POST: During the Harris - Pence debate Wednesday night, everyone saw a fly land on Vice-President Mike Pence’s head. As much as that fly loved Pence, he is not the original Fly Face. There is but one Fly Face. The original Fly Face w…

The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus Resents The News Media Referring to Trump as a Clown

SARASOTA, Florida â€" (Satire News) â€" The CEO of the world-famous Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus, is reportedly angrier than a giraffe with a sore throat. Atlas P. Londonderry, told the news media that he does not appreciate them refe…

Utah Health Department Searching for Insect Exposed to Visitor Who Attended COVID Spreading Maskless Events in Washington D.C.

Salt Lake City - After a visitor from a COVID-19 hot spot in another state was seen in the area participating in an indoor political event, local health authorities became alarmed when a fly apparently ignored the plexiglass, social distancing rules…

Another Impropriety for Supreme Court Nominee Amy Barrett: Racial Discrimination

Amy Barrett likes to show off her two adopted Haitian children. They make her look like a good, caring individual. Obviously, critics of Barrett want to make sure that the adoptions were above board, but the potential criticisms of her go much furt…

Nobel Prize For Shiterature Awarded To Spoof Writer

It's been a noteworthy and somewhat surprising day in the world of penmanship, and, after the Nobel Prize for Literature was awarded to US poet Louise Gluck, there was an even bigger shock when the prize for Shiterature went to the English spoof scri…

The Fly That Pronounced The Trump Presidency Ding-Dong-Dead

During the first and last vice presidential debate, a fly, Randolph, settled and nested on top of Vice President Pence’s head, bounced around as though looking around for something - maybe bugs, termites, dry rot - settled down, took a nap, then woke…

Ivanka Trump Confesses That She Hasn’t Had An Orgasm in 13 Months

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Ivanka Trump, who is her father’s most trusted adviser, has really been quite depressed lately. And it’s not because her father contracted the Coronavirus, since she knew it was going to happen, due to the fact…

White House Says Virtual Debate Rules "Totally Unfair" to Rude Heckler Who Attended Last Event

Washington - After the Commission on Presidential Debates decided that the next debate scheduled for next week would only take place in a virtual format, President Donald Trump declared that the new arrangement would be completely unfair to him, as i…

Perl 6 nerds committed Rakudocide

M’assachewsucks Instantstink of Technerdery - The Tech Rebuke According to our source, Eek Campus nerd Rodney Slidrule, an entire class of Course 6 students at MIT have abandoned civilnerd society and moved onto Amish farms in PA. “It was th…

The Astronomical Cost of President Trump’s 3-Day Stay at Walter Reed Hospital is Finally Revealed

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump was asked by a reporter with the iNews Agency, how much his 3-day Walter Reed Hospital stay cost the American taxpayers. He replied that he did not give diddly squat how much it cost, because he h…

NFL, Big 10 Will Play Games Despite Civil War

Nov. 7, 2020. Atlanta, Georgia. An S.O.S. from Woof Blister, reporting for Spoof On Sports. Despite the undeclared civil war that broke out two days after the disputed presidential election, both the National Football league and the Big Ten college c…

Snake Fell Out Of Tree Onto Man's Head

There was mild panic in southeast Asia this morning when a man walking to work was the victim of an aerial attack from a snake which dropped out of a tree onto his bonce, scaring the shit out of him. Although we are not able to effectively communi…

New Watch Performs Well On First Day

A man who was obliged to buy a new watch so that he could keep abreast of what time it was at any hour of the day or night, says that the timepiece had "performed well" on its first day, and that he had no complaints. Moys Kenwood, 57, purchased t…

Jerry Jones Announces That The 2021 Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Nude Calendar is Now on Sale

DALLAS - (Sports Satire) - Dallas Cowboys owner and man who knows how to turn a buck or a million, Jerry Jones, has just announced the much-awaited news…The 2021 Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Nude Calendar is now on sale. Jones, who owns the most ex…

No comments:

Post a comment