Blog archive

Saturday, 21 November 2020

Yobbo Put Feet On Table

Good manners are usually the result of good parenting, but, in one household last week, it was a case not of having been 'brought up', but rather 'dragged up' - and, seemingly, by the scruff of the neck. Oscar Scrote, who is only 9, looks cute eno…

Navy Seals Will Take Trump Out

Asked during an interview by Jimmy Kimmel whether Donald Trump could hide out somewhere in a White House cubbyhole, former President Barack Obama confidently replied, “Oh, the Navy Seals will take him out.” Take him out? Certainly, Obama didn’t me…

Barack Obama Writes About His Mother-In-Law In His New Book

BILLINGSGATE POST: In his new book, A Promised Land, Barack Obama dedicates a whole chapter to his mother-in-law. He describes the relationship he had with Michelle’s mother: “Mrs. Robinson, my mother-in-law, lived her entire life in Chicago.

Writer Emulates Another Writer, And Writes Story With Extremely Long Headline That Almost Completely Fills The Yellow 'Popular Funny Stories' Box On Front Page Of Site, But Which, When Placed Under Scrutiny, Has Little Or No Substance To It At All

You know you've achieved success when others start to emulate your work, and that's exactly what happened on a satirical news website earlier today, when one contributor wrote a story with an extremely long headline, just as one of the site's other w…

Boy Sent To Bed Early Laughs At Parents By Reading Porn Mag

A naughty boy who had been sent to bed an hour before his usual bedtime for being cheeky to his mum and dad, exacted an evil revenge on them by doing just as he was told to do, and then browsing through some pornographic literature he'd 'borrowed' fr…

Newsom rushed to brain trauma unit following confrontation with computer assistant

Directly following his recent embarrassment at being caught at a dinner for twelve with no masks, and no social distancing, California's Governor Newsom is again in trouble. Additionally, the Governor's claim of the restaurant's setting as “outdoo…

'How to be a succesfull bully' by Biff Tannen

Hello everybody, You might remember me from a series of documentaries set in the 1980s called Back to the Future. The first time you saw me, I was a bullying middle manager. The second time, I was a bullying teenager, who happened to be punche…

Michael Jordan Owner of The Charlotte Hornets Says His New Player Will Be The NBA's Next Superstar

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The LeVar Ball Family is extremely thrilled after son LaMelo was selected by the Charlotte Bobcats in this year's NBA draft. The Bobcats are owned by Michael Jordan, as in Micheal Jordan, the greatest…

Dutch female 84-year-old, poker-faced, poker player, divulges her life-long winning secrets!

(NOT EDITED) After a career of playing poker with all-comers of all ages, and winning, a Dutch 84-year-old has decided to divulge her secrets, but only to her sons, who never had a chance of beating her. Before she goes completely loopy, she has d…

Rudy Giuliani's Hair Dye - The Truth

Whilst joining words together that had no right to exist in the same sentence, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's hair dye decided that it had had enough. 'Imagine my surprise,' said the dark liquid, 'when I ended up on Rudy Giuliani's hair. I…

President-Elect Joe Biden Says He Will Think About Making Puerto Rico The 51st State

DOVER, Delaware â€" (Satire News) â€" One of President-Elect Joe Biden’s aides has stated that Biden is seriously considering making Puerto Rico the 51st state. Biden has stated, on several occasions, that the United States will greatly benefit from t…

Kanye West Who Came In Third In The Presidential Election Is Now Demanding A Recount

EAST HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Kanye West, the entertainer who came in third in the presidential election, has told Vice-President Pence that he is demanding a recount. West the Pest says that he feels that a lot of people did not vote for him s…

The Popular Country Music Duo 'Florida Georgia Line' Is Changing It’s Name

NASHVILLE â€" (Satire News) â€" News coming out of “Music City” says that the highly popular country duo Florida Georgia Line has decided to change their name. The band, made up of Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelley, are noted for their songs about beer-d…

My Mother Was A Jersey Cow

"Take your T-shirt off," Barb said, as she looked at Rick, who was lying beside her on the blanket. "When you come to the beach, you don't cover up. You come for the sun, or something else," she giggled. "I really don't want to take it off," Rick…

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Giant Balloons Will Be Wearing Medical Masks and Pants

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" The Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will look a little different this year, according to parade organizers. Parade director, Montrose Aspentwist, told the news media that the cartoon balloons will all be weari…

Donald Trump’s Last Big Deal

Donald Trump’s “golden” years don’t look promising. He is burdened with personally guaranteed debt that will be difficult to refinance; besieged by lawsuits, which he will not be able to delay much longer; and being badgered by a number of state att…

Computer Offered FreeCell Player Very Poor Hint

A Microsoft computer game which a man was playing has been accused of offering a 'hint' that was unhelpful, misleading and, indeed, totally inappropriate if we are to think the facility is provided so that players might successfully accomplish the ta…

Teacher Taught Students To Speak English Like EastEnders Characters

A teacher at a school in Bangkok has told how he came up with a new, interesting and, quite frankly, stupid method of helping his students to become proficient in English, by having them model their speech on that of the characters in the BBC's long-…

Astronaut breaks wind to set a record.

A Space X astronaut who recently joined the International Space Station has set an unusual record when he commenced his first spacewalk yesterday. Colonel J. Peabody Cromwell, a US Army Regular, can now claim to have released the longest fart in the…

Nut-loving animal blamed for loss of presidency

President Donald J Trump's legal team have claimed that many of the votes made for their candidate were stolen by a wily squirrel named Phil. The pesky animal, they believe, visited voting halls across much of Pennsylvania, stealing Trump ballots as…

Better to do it in the road

Prospective parliamentary candidate for Barnet, Shaw Tearcutt, is applauding the efforts of British hairdressers to fight back against the effects of Covid-19 restrictions. "Indeed," says Mr Tearcutt, "only we enterprising Brits could come up wit…

J.C. Penney Denies That They’re Racist Because They Have No Black Mannequins

DIME BOX, Texas â€" (Satire News) â€" A representative for the J.C. Penney retail giant has denied recent charges that the company is racist. The J.C. Penney’s rep remarked that just because the company does not have any black mannequins does not mean…

No fake Daily Mail, or Express headlines here, just fake headlines between the lines!

(NOT EDITED) Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) reporters have been scurrying into smudgy places only they can reach, and have come up with today's news headlines: DEAD OR ALIVE? Trump, has ordered a Funeral Parlor to drag his dead-bod…

The Supreme Court in a Highly Unprecedented Move, Throws Out Everyone of Trump’s 107 Ridiculous Claims of Illegal Voting

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" In an extremely unusual ruling, the United States Supreme Court has voted 9-0 to toss out everyone of President Donald Trump’s unsubstantiated, ridiculous, far-fetched claims that the election was rigged. The jus…

Leaves still falling

Although winter is fast approaching, we are still in autumn, which means that the leaves are still falling. Late faller, sycamore leaf Colin Blenkinsopp said: 'All of my friends seem to have been a bit premature this year, but I wanted to be the l…

Annual scandal surrounding Pogues Christmas classic, Fairytale of NY, now laid to rest by Jaggedone!

(NOT EDITED) Sensitive ears listening to the very best Christmas song ever written whinge very year about one word in the song. Pogues fan, and ageing punk Nutter, Jaggedone, gave Shane MacGowan a buzz, while he was sober, it was a short call! He…

The NCAA Has Instructed Ohio State Football Players To Stop Referring to Their School as “THE” Ohio State University

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" In a move that many non-Ohio State fans have been waiting for, for a long, long time, the NCAA powers-that-be have instructed all Ohio State players to stop referring to their college as “THE” Ohio State University.

Dr. Scott Atlas Awarded (MOTLY) Man of the Latest Year by NFDMA

Dr. Scott Atlas named “Man of the Year” THE WIRED STREET JOURNAL REPORTER; KR SCHWARTZ November 18th, 2020 White House Coronavirus Task Force MIC (Mountebank-in-Chief) Dr. Scott Atlas has just been named “Man of the Year” by the NFDMA (Natio…

Kim Jong-un Has Invited President Donald Trump to Visit Him in Late January, When He Becomes Unemployed

PYONGYANG, North Korea â€" (World Satire) â€" North Korea’s Rice Paddy News Agency, is reporting that President Trump’s BFF, Kim Jong-un, feels so bad that his buddy got his butt kicked by Joe Biden. The Kimster, as Trump calls him, has invited Trump…

President Trump Has No Shame, As He Plans To Apply For Unemployment Benefits

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The Department of Unemployment has just informed the news media, that one Donald John Trump has just submitted a pre-unemployment request to receive unemployment benefits. A representative for the DU, stated that…

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