Man Couldn't Hear What Son Was Saying Because His Mouth Was Full

There was confusion aplenty in one household at breakfast time this morning, as a man who was speaking to his young son couldn't understand what he was saying because his mouth was full of Coco Pops. That is, 'the man couldn't understand what his…

Mental Case Dyes His Beard Orange

There was real drama in Karachi yesterday when a local man who is known to be a bit of a headcase, appeared in public having dyed his beard orange. Indeed, anyone casting a mere cursory glance at the man might not even have thought it was a beard…

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Chosen To Be First Recipient Of Coronavirus Vaccine

In a move that is sure to surprise many once they've been made aware of it, the Manchester United defender and captain, Harry Maguire, has been selected by the British government to be the very first recipient in the country - and, therefore, on Eart…

Mexico Asks US To Increase Height Of Border Wall

With the Coronavirus now spreading through all US states like wildfire, the number of positive cases having risen above 14 million, and deaths currently heading for 300,000, the Mexican government has asked Donald Trump if he wouldn't mind finishing…

Melania Offers Bidens Personal Tour of White House “Especially if Hunter Will Be There”

Washington - Melania Trump has reached out to future First Lady Jill Biden to offer a personally conducted tour of the White House living quarters for the Biden family. “I especially would like to extend my welcome to all of the extended Biden fam…

German phonetic alphabet is Jurassic claim German linguistic professors and have asked Jaggedone to update it for them!

(NOT EDITED) The one and only, infamous, linguistic, illiterate idiot in his own language, Jaggedone, has been commissioned by renowned professors from the Goethe Institute in Munich to modernize their Jurassic, Nazi-influenced, phonetic alphabet.

President Trump Puts His 2 Cents In Regarding Vanderbilt Kicker Sarah Fuller

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The President spoke with his favorite television host, Maria Bartiromo, with Fox News, and told her that, as far as he is concerned, she is the prettiest and sexiest woman on television. He pointed out that he…

COVID-19 Not All 'Doom And Gloom', Says Man

The Coronavirus, COVID-19, always gets a bad rep, and we hear, on a daily basis, about how terrible it is, and about all the negative aspects connected with it. The huge number of infections, the tragic deaths, how health services have become over…

Trump suffers from severe hearing loss, keeps saying, ‘pardon me’.

Sean P. Conley, the White House physician, has confirmed that there are definite signs that President Trump, like Caesar, has turned a deaf ear to the no-concession advice from his inner circle and loquacious sons. Even the syrupy praise of Hanni…

Trump to Take Starring Role in New Marvel Movie ‘The Incredible Sulk’

Those that lie awake at night worrying about what will happen to Donald Trump when he is dragged kicking and screaming from The White House in January can at last get some shut eye. A spokesperson for Walt Disney Studios, Mr Michael Mouse, announc…

Will Mike Pence Dump Donald Trump?

This is a question many have been asking, away, of course, from Trump’s earshot: Will Vice President Mike Pence dump Donald Trump? Trump is getting a little too iffy, insisting 2020 was a rigged election, making inflammatory statements pitting re…

Ann Coulter Denies She Had Trump’s Baby

NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Republican pundit and woman who looks like she’s on stilts, Ann Coulter, appeared on The Tucker Carlson Show. Ann, who some have referred to as a human tongue depressor with hair, said she’s glad Donald Trump lost.

Megan Thee Stallion To Have Her Humongous Tits Reduced

HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" It’s no secret in the entertainment world that rapper Megan Thee Stallion’s breasts are the biggest ones to come down the entertainment pike in a long time. Bravo Network's Andy Cohen has called the singer with the two…

Trump to Pardon Matt Gaetz From Any Pending Charges That He’s an Annoying Tool

Washington - President Donald Trump, on his way out of the White House after being defeated by Joe Biden, has pardoned a number of his political cronies including, recently, formerly National Security Advisor Michael Flynn. He is also considering pa…

Lame Duck Trump Is Illegally Selling Coronavirus Vaccines

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The FBI has just discovered yet one more business scam that Trump is involved in. Recordings made at Trump’s International Hotel, allegedly show him working out a business deal with a vaccine dealer from Detroit,…

More People Discovered To Be Living In Bangladesh Than In Russia

In news that will, no doubt startle some readers, and bore others to tears, it's been discovered that, despite the vast difference in the geographical proportions of the two countries, there are more people living in tiny Bangladesh than there are in…

President Trump Is Now Blaming Space Aliens For His Loss

WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" RumorLand News is reporting that President Trump is now saying that the reason for his landslide loss to Joe Biden is due to space aliens. The sad, aging man who is turning into a zombie, before our very eyes, in…

San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich To Run For Governor of Texas

SAN ANTONIO â€" (Sports Satire) - One of the most successful coaches in the history of professional sports, Gregg Popovich, says that he hates the current Texas governor so much, that he hopes he gets bit in the tongue by a Texas armadillo. Coach Po…

George Michael To Be Remembered Again At Christmas

As the world tries desperately to come to terms with the Coronavirus and all the changes it has brought to everyday life, it's fair to say that this Christmas might be one unlike any other. Shopping for presents in the High Street, if it's permitt…

Trump Would Shout Rigged Tennis Match If He Lost To Roger Federer

To throw a tantrum, and claim that he really won the 2020 election, and that the outcome was rigged, would be like Trump playing Roger Federer at tennis, getting beaten in a golden set match, then claim the match was rigged. No way could Trump bea…

Trump To Pardon Children In Cages

In a move that will warm the very cockles of the heart of every single reader, as well as countless millions of his own supporters who just knew this day must come, President Donald Trump has decided to pardon all the children being held in cages alo…

10 Amazing Facts to Impress People

Do people think you're dumb? Boring? Slow-witted? Then why not change their opinion of you by telling them one of these amazing "Did you know..?" facts? It will have people riveted in seconds, and gagging for more exciting facts to be rammed down…

Freezing German farm cats give farmer filthy looks and 'down tools!'

(NOT EDITED) Eifel, Germany: A bunch of shivering farm cats, not allowed into the farmhouse because they should be doing their jobs; hunting mice in the barn, and outside, have decided to go on strike because their butts are too cold! Farm cats ca…

Notorious Spoof Forums hit brick walls!

(NOT EDITED) Moses and his Exodus could not have escaped quicker than Spoofers on Spoof Forums running for their literary lives! A once so cherished institution has derailed, and hit buffers with impunity; why? This dark mystery has yet to be solv…

Santa Claus Told To Stay At Home This Christmas

It's been announced in the last few minutes that a Coronavirus Think Tank made up of representatives from the world's leading powers has issued a strong warning to Santa Claus, telling him to stay at home this Christmas. Claus is known to be somet…

Uruguayan greetings sensitive Brits will 'nunca comprender! What a load of 'cojones!'

(NOT EDITED) Innocent, South American footy players, earning their dosh in the UK, are mostly unaware of ultra-sensitive Brits, willing to pounce on anything they do, or say, without even understanding a single thing about South American cultures, tr…

Lady At Work Gets Taste Of Her Own Medicine

A lady working in an office somewhere in London who has said 'Told you so' at least ten times per day, every day for the past 20 years, has had her world turned upside-down by everyone in her regional HQ saying - 'Told you so!' back. When a collea…

Tea Was Almost Without Color

A man who ill-advisedly attempted to make a second cup of tea with a Lipton's tea bag now says he regrets the plan, after the resultant 'brew' was left looking the same color as a bowl of Quaker Oats. Or, maybe, wallpaper paste. The cuppa was m…

President Trump Praises The Founder of the Ku Klux Klan

CRACKERHEAD, Georgia â€" (Satire News) - The President spoke before a crowd of 27 at a Walmart parking lot, and told them that he promises he will never, ever leave the White House, even if someone kidnaps his son, Eric. Trump, who is becoming more…

Match.com Profile Wins Pulitzer for Fiction; Ransom Note Wins for Poetry

NEW YORK â€" The 2020 Pulitzer Prize winners were announced today, and among the Fiction and Poetry categories were two surprises. In the fiction category, the match.com profile of Dennis Snead of Burlington, Wisconsin, was selected for its ‘innova…