Kim Jong-un Says Something, But Nobody Understands, Because It's All In Korean
There was controversy on the Korean peninsula this morning after the North's leader, Kim Jong-un, made a visually-impassioned speech about something or other that proved totally unintelligible, as everything he said was spoken in fluent Korean. Jo…USA Becomes Banana Republic of America as Strongman Tries to Have Political Opponent Arrested
Washington - It was learned the countries around the world have started referring to the United States as BRA, the Banana Republic of America. At the head of the U.S. is Commandant Donald Trump, a man who skipped out on military service but loves mi…Woman Paints Painting With No Paint On Her Brush
A woman painter who was photographed painting a countryside scene, did so despite not having a single drop of paint on her paintbrush, it's been claimed. Italian female artist Caprice de la Vienneta can be seen in the photograph above, posing in f…Twitter and other corporations to monitor second debate with FOX News interpreters standing by
The second and final debate between President Trump and contender Joe Biden will take place tonight at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee. Topics include Covid-19, climate change, national security, and leadership, with moderator Kristen W…Trump Takes His Own Mute Button To Final Debate
Donald Trump has a secret weapon. It was hidden by his mask which he ripped off at the White House following his discharge from Walter Reed Hospital. Playing the accordion with his hands, Trump told the massed and masked news corps that he had a winn…Jeffrey Toolbin to moderate final Presidential Debate
New York, NY - Tool News Service According to the news wire, Jeffrey Toolbin has been promoted by The New Yorker and appointed as the moderator for the final Presidential Debate. Jeffrey “tool†Toobin has selected Michael Jackson’s Beat It as the…Biden Receiving Juvenile Chimpanzee Blood Plasma Before Debate
BILLINGSGATE POST: If Sleepy Joe comes out swinging from a vine before the debate tomorrow night, don’t be surprised. The secret is out. He is receiving chimpanzee blood plasma transfusions this week to rejuvenate himself. Crack investigative r…Kim Kardashian Regrets That She Willingly Allowed President Trump to Use Her
CALABASAS, California â€" (Celebrity Satire) â€" Kim Kardashian recently spoke with a reporter with the Gossipette Gazette, and talked about her visit to the White House in May of 2018. Kardashian said that she has never felt so used in her entire lif…41% of passing cars are black, observes Statistics Canada intern from dining room table
New Statistics Canada staff member Dwayne Nixon observed yesterday that more than two-fifths of cars passing his dining room window between the hours of 6:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. were black, far exceeding the previous daily high of 24% recorded 56 days…Man Says He'd Like To Rip President Trump's Head Off, And Shit Down His Throat
A man who has become completely fed up of news about the US presidential election, and so entirely disillusioned with the state of politics in general, and American politics in particular, has said that, if the opportinity ever arose, he'd very much…DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" According to Sports Territory Magazine, Jerry Jones may be contemplating putting his Dallas Cowboys on the market. STM’s Tango Brisket said that Jones told him that, at 78, he doesn’t know how much more disappointment he…
Secret Documents Reveal That Rudy Giuliani is A Russian Spy
BALTIMORE â€" (Satire News) â€" Documents have been discovered by the iNews organization that clearly show that Trump attorney and long-time friend Rudy Giuliani is, in fact, a Russian agent. Although millions of Americans have suspected that all alon…The best way for Donald Trump to win the final presidential debate? Don’t show up. Lie (should be a snap) and say you are staying home to take care of ailing third wife, making a slow recovery from the coronavirus. Claim to be making a chicken so…
CHICAGO â€" (Satire News) â€" Many of the nation’s pediatricians are declaring that children are much more afraid of President Trump Halloween masks than of any other Halloween mask in the stores. Dr. Dundee P. Rattler, associate dean at Left Coast Co…
Man now experimenting with Enya and Lighthouse Family albums
Man about town Raymond Ving has begun to experiment with the hardcore heavy metal stylings of Enya and the Lighthouse Family. 'My girlfriend, Emma, walked out on me after I replaced my Led Zeppelin albums with the collected works of Cliff Richard.Man Didn't Really Feel Like It Very Much Today
A man who had taken about as much as he could possibly take - and maybe even a little bit more - has said that, as far as employment matters go, he simply just could not be bothered today. "I know it sounds unprofessional," said a jaded-looking Mo…Biden pardons son in advance of winning the presidency
CBS News has just released intimate details of a new plan by Mr. Biden, who is running for the office of President of the United States. “It is very clear I am going to win,†Mr. Biden has said, from behind a double-masked lower face. Wearing t…Kim Jong-un Says North Korea Has Just Developed a Powerful Missile That Can Hit Iowa
PYONGYANG, North Korea â€" (Satire News) â€" President Trump’s favorite pen pal, Kim Jong-un, has just informed the world media that he has developed the most powerful missile on earth. The North Korean leader, who credits Trump for helping him perfec…It is a city of grim brick factories and grey terraced houses inhabited by simians, all dripping with constant rain. Now Manchester is more miserable than ever, with the news that it is under the tightest level of lockdown in the UK due to coronaviru…
(NOT EDITED) Belgians renowned for their superb tasting beers, BURP, have decided to give away all of it to any foreign Nutters daring to enter their wonderful country because of another lockdown. However, there are a few minor pieces of criteria…
Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers Says Ndamukong Suh is The Dirtiest Player in Football
GREEN BAY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Sports Bet Gazette is reporting that Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is extremely upset at the fact that Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Ndamukong Suh was not called for several flagrant penalties. Rodgers po…Las Vegas Job Waiting For Trump After White House
With a no-kill switch or mute button at Donald Trump’s next job, (should he be willing to accept it) there's a one-hour opening act for headline performers, blasting away and slandering whomever he wishes, church, science, allies, newscasters, women,…Trump Goes to Church With Hope Hicks â€" Where The Hell is Melania?
LAS VEGAS â€" (Satire News) - The Las Vegas Roulette Gazette newspaper is reporting that the president did something that he has not done in 6 years. He actually set foot in a church. Trump attended Our Lady of The Roulette Wheel in downtown Las Veg…You Don't Hear Anything About Elvis Presley These Days
It's funny how, during the 1950s, 1960s, and some of the 1970s, the name of Elvis Presley was never far from anyone's lips. The singer and actor was inescapable. He recorded countless singles and albums, sang to packed houses everywhere he went, and…A rape victim who dialled 911 when the man whose house she was visiting unexpectedly raped her, but got the house number wrong because she had never been there before, and was suffering from PTSD from the attack, was yesterday convicted of murder, wh…
Zoom rolls out new worry-free masturbation feature, makes pork-pulling look like note-taking
Zoom, the popular online video conferencing company, announced today a new feature with advanced artificial intelligence to let users masturbate without fussing with their camera and microphone settings, making it appear as if they are furiously tak…HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Linda Ronstadt, the singer who has sold over 100 millon records, recently spoke with LaLaLand Daily's Macadamia Honeysuckle, and informed her that she can not believe that a person as mean, as hateful, and evil, as Donald…
To all the Marxist revolutionaries - you’ve got an image problem. Here are a list of all the losing strategies in use that engender the same hatred towards you, that you have against all others: Before we get to the list, it should be noted that t…
CRACKERHEAD, Georgia â€" (Satire News) â€" The president spoke before a totally maskless crowd of 218 supporters, who cheered his every word, including 7 times when he sneezed, and 73 times when he coughed. One front row audience member was overheard…
Toobin's Erection Stimulation Error
Jeffrey Toobin, famed legal analyst for CNN has been allowed to take time off from the job of belittling Trump to tend to “a small personal matter†says the network. The incident that sparked the trouble occurred during a CNN election show rehear…