Diego Maradona In New 'Hand Of God' Incident
Diego Maradona, the Argentine footballing genius that almost-singlehandedly derailed England's World Cup dream in Mexico, in 1986, in a bizarre incident that became known as the 'Hand of God', has been involved in yet another incident springing from…Falkirk Man Hits Out At Bairns Drain…
A Falkirk man who was just walking down the street, suddenly hit out at a total stranger because his beloved home-town is full of idiots. "Every village has an idiot, but we are flooded with idiots from other villages just settling here because t…Nation Refuses to Pardon NBC for Complicity in Helping Trump Get Involved in Showbusiness
Washington - A growing chorus of political experts and observers in the United States are considering a class action suit against NBC, some television show producers and directors, and just about anyone else that had anything to do with Donald Trump…Man Says Football Is No Longer Important To Him
A man who, in his younger days, followed football as enthusiastically as it was possible to do, has said that he has now lost all interest in the game, and, actually, couldn't give a fuck about it. Moys Kenwood, now 57, became a football fan on 23…Washington - After dozens of his lawsuits filed in various states seeking to overturn the election of Joe Biden failed, Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani will try a new approach with the courts in the battleground states as of Monday. Rudy and his team o…
Watch Has Been Given New Lease Of Life
A wristwatch that had been laid redundant for more than eight months, after its battery ran out of power on the same day as Lockdown commenced, has seen 'active service' once again, after a new power cell was inserted into it earlier today. Moys K…Wild Boars and Squirrels, in Boar War3 Battle, fight to the death over acorns!
(NOT EDITED) David Attenborough though he'd filmed it all, well he hasn't! A battle between David and Goliath took place in rural Germany as acorns fell from a huge oak tree at the bottom of Herr Schmitz's back garden in Bitburg! Families of wild…Evidence of election rigging has roiled New Zealand's "Bird of the Year" competition after a case of ballot-box stuffing has threatened to derail avian democracy. Suspicion began when organizers received more than 1,500 votes sent from the same em…
Teacher Disputes Students' "Boring" Claim
There was a stunned silence in a local school classroom this afternoon, when, after one of the students had had the audacity to pronounce that his Science teacher was "boring", the teacher in question decided to prove just how 'unboring' he actually…Joseph Biden confesses what some suspected.
(NOT EDITED) President-Elect of the United States of America, Joseph Biden, has admitted to a close adviser that he is powered by a 1.5 watt battery. The adviser says that Biden has been wearing the power supply for about five years. With the role…President Trump is Putting His Mississippi Beach House on The Market
DELTA DAWN, Mississippi â€" (Satire News) â€" GOPicky magazine is reporting that the president has decided to sell his Mississippi beach house. He told writer Amos Soursuckle that, now that he will soon become John Q. Public, he is going to have to cu…Washington - After President Trump pardoned convicted felon Michael Flynn to kick off an expected wave of presidential pardons - mostly of people loyal to, or friends of, the defeated chief executive - over a million inmates have submitted letters,…
Miami Dolphins Quarterback Tua Tagovailoa Agrees To Change His Last Name
MIAMI â€" (Sports Satire) â€" Miami Dolphins Head Coach Brian Flores says he is thrilled that his quarterback, Tua Tagovailoa, has finally agreed to change his hard-to-pronounce and hard-to-spell last name. The coach pointed out that Tua's Samoan surn…A Peeping Tom Dressed As Spiderman Comes Real Close To Getting Shot
MANCHESTER, England - (Satire News) â€" Manchester police are reporting that Mr. and Mrs. Nigel Ticklewine were having a bit of a sexual encounter, when they heard a strange pecking sound outside their third-floor apartment window. Since the couple…Donald Trump Offered New Book Deal, Once He Achieves Full Literacy
He might be toast as far as a second presidential term in the White House goes, but Donald Trump was already planning out his life post-President this morning, as he revealed details of a lucrative offer to write a book detailing his time as US leade…Long John Silver’s Patrons Find Traces of Pepto Bismol in Their Fried Oysters
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - (Satire News) â€" The Kentucky Health Federation has filed a complaint against the Long John Silver Corporation. The KHF states that patrons in three different establishments have reported finding traces of Pepto Bismol in th…Boy Disciplined For Bringing His 102-Year-Old Grandmother To “Show & Tellâ€
HACKENSACK, New Jersey â€" (Satire News) â€" The principal of Mrs. Millard Fillmore Elementary School reported that she had to discipline a second-grader who brought his grandmother to “Show & Tellâ€. The boy’s teacher, Marlena Figweather, said tha…One of The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Is Fired After She Admits She’s 7 Months Pregnant
DALLAS â€" (Sports Satire) â€" In a move that will most probably have the ACLU involved, iNews is reporting that one of the veteran Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders has been fired. Millicent Tumblewood, 26, who has been a Cowboys cheerleader for four years…Biden Appoints Field Marshall Cinque Mtume As Defense Secretary
BILLINGSGATE POST: President-elect Joe Biden has named Field Marshall Cinque Mtume as his choice for Defense Secretary. Mtume won his stripes by leading the Symbionese Liberation Army in the kidnapping of Patricia Hearst back in 1974. In the no…A Near-Nude Jennifer Lopez Steals the American Music Awards Show
LOS ANGELES â€" (Celebrity Satire) â€" This year's "AMA Show" was broadcast live from the Microsoft Ctrl-Alt-Delete Theater in downtown Hollywood. It was hosted by Taraji P. Henson, co-inventor of the Jim Henson Muppets. Most entertainment media pu…The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #8: The Dust Mite
Well, it's Tuesday again, uninteresting animal lovers, and time for another instalment of our once-popular series on uninteresting animals. Before we get to this week's specimen, we'd just like to apologize for the 16-month gap since the last one;…Barack Obama To Pursue New Career As R&B Singer
In a complete reversal of the current trend which has seen stars of the entertainment world enter politics - with varying degrees of success - the former US president, Barack Obama has announced that he is changing his life's path, and is embarking u…President Trump's Brain Distances Itself From His Mouth
As his party, his family, friends, supporters and closest aides continue to fall away from President Trump in the aftermath of his presidential election defeat, it was the turn, today, of the moron's brain, which decided to distance itself from his b…Barack Obama To Promote "How!" As A Greeting
In what's been called 'an olive branch to Native Americans' whose ancestors were slaughtered by the influx of European pioneers looking for new lives on the continent in the 1800s, ex-President Barack Obama is to promote the Indian "How!" greeting us…Las Vegas Will Be Giving All Visitors 6 Marijuana Cigarettes
LAS VEGAS - (Satire News) â€" With the Coronavirus still wreaking havoc, the mayor of the biggest entertainment city in the world has come up with a rather unique way to attract some gamblers to Sin City. Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman said she th…John “Chicken Little†Kerry Named Climate Envoy By Biden
BILLINGSGATE POST: The sky is falling! So what to do? President-elect Joe Biden names John “Chicken Little†Kerry as his special presidential envoy for climate. In this morning’s New York Post, it was said that pundits have been laughing at Kerr…Dow Hits 30K: Warren Puffitt's All Puffed Up
Omaha, Nebraska. Not a SOB. story from Spoof On Business. As the Dow Industrial Average marched past the 30,000 mark this morning, no one was smiling more than Omaha's other financial wizard, Warren Puffitt. "Look back a couple of months at my Spoof…Black Friday becomes Black Week becomes Black Month becomes Black Year!
(NOT EDITED) Black is beautiful claim global conglomerates as Black Friday approaches once again. However, internet businesses are now milking (is milk still white?) the Black Friday cow until it is totally dehydrated! Amazon, Ali Baba, and other…Trump Shows Off New ‘Hand Enlargement’ Surgery To Redneck Protesters
President Trump has been keeping a low profile since the results of the 2020 election were announced. His low profile has nothing to do with the fact that he got a drubbing from Biden, and America wants to turf his ass out of government, hopefully ne…Biden Inauguration Shocker - Harris to Attend Dressed as Darth Vader
The world is still reeling from the news that President-elect Joe Biden plans to ride a lion to his inauguration ceremony in January 2021, and that the ex-circus beast will be fitted with a latex mask of Donald Trump’s face. The decision to ride…