Man Is Looking Forward To January 20
This year, 2020, hasn't been especially good for many people, particularly those who succumbed to the Coronavirus, COVID-19, and it's fair to say that most people will be glad to see the back of it, and to usher in a - hopefully - better new year on…Female Football Show Host Made Schoolgirl Error
There were cases of stifled laughter and sideways glances in a TV studio earlier this evening, and viewers at home had to pinch themselves, when the female host of True Visions Live Matchday Extra football programme made a schoolboy error when she re…Donald Trump Says He'd Like To Lead 2021 Ryder Cup Team
Ousted ex-president and keen golfer, Donald Trump, has revealed that he is "very interested" in captaining the 2021 US Ryder Cup team at the rescheduled event at Whistling Straits in Kohler, Wisconsin. Irishman Padraig Harrington will captain the…Dukes Of Hazzard Lost 'Lynching' Episode Discovered
Little Rock, Arkansas - A sub shop in Little Rock, traded three meat-lovers subs, for what turned out to be the only known copy of a lost pilot episode of '80s TV smash hit, The Dukes Of Hazzard. The episode, which die-hard Dukes fans refer to as…President Trump Seen Through Window Wearing Basque
There can be fewer things more embarrassing than actually 'being President Donald Trump' at the moment, but the soon-to-be-ousted US leader went one better this week, when he was seen through a window at the White House wearing a sexy basque. An e…(NOT EDITED) Hollywood, in a last desperate attempt to entertain corona-struck filmgoers, have decided to give Harrison Ford a final chance to leap out of his wheelchair, grab his whip, and go on a last Indiana Jones adventure. There was a slight…
Dolly Parton Saves Baby From Dingo
BRISBANE â€" As if helping to fund the Covid-19 vaccine, supporting victims of wildfires, and getting books to underprivileged children wasn’t enough, now country star Dolly Parton has saved a baby from a dingo. While touring the Northern Territory…Snopes Verifies Biden’s Tryst With Three Chinese Hookers On Forklift
BILLINGSGATE POST: Snopes, the same group that verified that two Russian hookers peed on Donald Trump’s hotel bed, have now confirmed that the improbable story about Joe Biden having sex with three Chinese hookers while he was driving a forklift dow…"We will be forever grateful to Nigel Farage and that one meeting he attended while sitting on the EU's fisheries committee for eight years. If he hadn't been on our side we would have been sold down the river. He fully deserves his £75,000 pa EU pen…
Man Thinks That All Things Are Relative
A man who thinks a lot has said that all the things we consider to be 'better' than other things are not really 'better', but merely 'different'. They appear to be better, but, to him, everything is the same. For example, claims Moys Kenwood, 57:…Funeral Wailing Woke Man Up In Middle Of Night
In yet another case of someone being roused from their peaceful rest by circumstances outside of their control, a man who could well have done without it was torn from the Land of Nod this morning, by the screeching, monotonous wailing of a Buddhist…Nietzsche Didn't Know What He Was On About, Claims Man
The 19th-Century German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, is at the centre of a mild controversy tonight, after a man who attempted to read his book, 'Beyond Good and Evil', claimed that he hadn't got the faintest idea what he was talking about. T…Elon Musk Says His New SpaceX Starship Will Be Out-of-This-World
BOCA CHICA, Texas â€" The industrial entrepreneur designer of the Tesla, has informed the news media that, within a few years, he will be sending passengers to the Moon. He told RumorLand News that the passenger version of his SpaceX Starship will b…There's nothing as annoying as being rudely awakened in the middle of the night by some noise or other from outside in the street, but that wasn't the case for one man in the very early hours of this morning, when he was wrenched from his slumbers by…
An Insider Says Ellen DeGeneres is in an Extreme State of Depression
MONTECITO, California â€" A member of Ellen’s TV show has stated that the daytime talkshow host has been extremely depressed as of late. The insider says that the 62-year-old DeGeneres is feeling like she is starting to age at a much faster pace tha…Washington - All nine members of the United States Supreme Court signed a legal brief agreeing to reverse the results of the Presidential election, providing that President Trump and the state of Texas withdraw their threat of subjecting the panel to…
Texts From The Famous & Infamous â€" (12-11-20)
The following text messages were compiled by Tittle Tattle Tonight's senior reporter, Pico de Gallo. De Gallo graduated Summa Cum Okra from The Doc Holliday School of Dentistry, in Tombstone, Arizona. He is presently writing a trivia book titled, 'Wh…Taylor Swift Is Getting Her Own Reality Show
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Hollywood Vis-a-Vis has just stated that the latest celebrity to get her own reality show is singing sensation Taylor Swift. The 30-year-old, who is regarded as the sweetest, sexiest, and damn richest singer in the musi…The Election Wasn’t Stolen, It Was Won By Biden
Message to Donald Trump: The 2020 election wasn’t stolen. It was lost by Trump from Queens and won by Joseph Biden from Delaware. It’s over, time for Trump to go, and go with a measure of dignity. If not for Trump or his family, he should do it f…Lipstick sales plummet as ageing rock star, Robert Smith of The Cure, admits he's just too old!
(NOT EDITED) Rocky Horror and Glam Rock were dead many years ago. Bands like The Sweet, Alice Cooper (Glam??), Marc Bolan and his T Rex, Kiss, Mud, Bowie and Ziggy, plus many more, have been buried into rock history, and lipstick sales plummeted.Anti-Vaccine Lout Claims Vaccine Contains Chip
A news report about the UK roll-out of the Coronavirus vaccine in London earlier today, contained what is being described as a "potentially damaging theory", after a long-haired lout said he would be resisting any government orders to be vaccinated b…Trump Mistakenly Pardons Hunter Biden
The White House, Washington, D. C. - Overwhelmed by an enormous pile of pardons for members of his family, numerous aides, and some really bad guys, President Donald Trump inadvertently signed one for Biden Hunter, the son of President-elect Joe Bide…Food Vendors Formed Around Motorcycle Accident
Sometimes, you think you've seen everything, but then you see something to make you realize you haven't, and that was exactly the case earlier today when a man who thought he had seen everything, saw something else to make him realize he hadn't. A…WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" Kayleigh McEnany, the official White House #brown noser, #kiss ass, #stooge, informed the news media that the First Lady did, in fact, faint. McEnany stated that Mrs. Trump was sitting at a desk, filing her nails…
Liverpool Fans Left Anfield Early 'To Avoid Traffic'
It was a landmark moment at the weekend when fans were finally allowed back into football stadiums for he first time after nine long months of Coronavirus behind-closed-doors matches, but that didn't stop some fans reverting to their normal behaviour…LeBron James Says The Los Angeles Lakers Will Be The First NBA Team to Get The C-19 Vaccine
LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) â€" LeBron James was thrilled beyond belief that his Los Angeles Lakers have been chosen by the Supreme Court to be the first U.S. sports team to receive the Coronavirus vaccine. James was told by Speaker-of-the-House Nan…Another Dropkick For Donald Trump By The Supreme Court
In a unanimous decision by the US Supreme Court, Donald Trump received another dropkick out of the Supreme Court and out of the White House. Trump’s team hasn’t yet petitioned Santa Claus to throw out the 2020 election, but after Santa, Trump's lawye…Experience: the Covid Vaccine gave me a 12-inch Erection
It's certainly one in the eye for those anti-vaxxer idiots! Just imagine how they will be queuing up for it now! I’m talking, of course, of the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccine. I was one of the 20,000 volunteers given the vaccine in its trials - after a…Greta Thunberg Cosmetic Surgery Rumors Untrue
Rumors of Greta Thunberg getting “green, sustainable†breast implants aren’t true. She released a statement saying she supported all people getting whatever plastic surgery they wanted, as long as it was environmentally friendly, and used no petro-ch…Extraterrestrial Galactic Federation Meets With President Trump
BILLINGSGATE POST: Haim Eshed, a former chief of the Israel Defense Ministry’s space directorate, says that extraterrestrials from a Galactic Federation have been in contact with him, that President Trump is aware of this, and was previously "on the…