RAPID CITY, SD â€" Unusual seismic activity has been noticed, in recent weeks, around the monument at Mount Rushmore. This was then followed by strong sulfur smells noticed by visitors. That resulted, today, in the eruption at the top crater of the scu…
English lobsters demand new Brexit referendum!
(NOT EDITED) English lobsters caught in EU waters are now being returned to the UK and, instead of being directly boiled alive in French or German cooking pots, are now rotting in chilled trailers stuck in traffic jams waiting for customs clearance!…Man still banging on about something
Brian Asshat, Chutney on the Fritz's most famous thrower of shoes, is still banging on about something, says his neighbour, Felicity Dowager. She told us: 'Luckily, I only see Brian very rarely these days, and the conversations we have are all thr…Face Mask Blown Off Face By Strong Gust Of Wind
There was surprise and not a little anger in one locality this morning, as the progress of a man strolling through the streets minding his own business was suddenly arrested when a strong gust of wind blew his face mask from his face, and onto the pa…A lady who is a Republican member of the US House of Representatives has threatened to put a bullet in the head of the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi. This same lady announced that she wanted former president, Barack Obama…
CHEYENNE, Wyoming â€" (Satire News) â€" Horatio P. Zipp, 56, told Boom Boom News that he had been homeless for 6 years, ever since a horde of invading barbarian termites ate his 800 square foot wooden shack. He said that he had been standing on the co…
Washington D.C. - A conservative political party that prides itself on fighting the liberal "Cancel Culture", a movement which seeks to disenfranchise those who disagree with them, and eliminate any exchange of ideas deemed politically incorrect, has…
National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships Start Thursday
There was great excitement amongst ardent cycling fans this morning, when it was announced that the Cambodian National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships will be commencing in Battambang on Thursday morning, from 5 am onwards, and will end only when som…Mafia Lawyer turning down Donald Trump
Mafia lawyer Joey 'The Enforcer' Santiago has turned down the chance to work with Donald Trump. 'I know where the bodies are, where the fish are, and the best purveyors of concrete overcoats,' said Santiago, 'but there is no way I will be defendin…Though impeachment proceedings loom, the outcome is already known, and Republicans are planning quite a show. No point spending money on external shysters when events warrant a jubilant internal shindig on the part of the GOP. They're sure not gonna…
Trees Not Quite So Green This Year
It may be global warming, climate change, or environmental change, it could be any two of these, or even all three of them, but something is happening out in the sticks, claims one man who says that, in his neck of the woods, at least, the trees aren…A savvy mum has revealed how she manages to serve her severely malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week. Roberta Simons, 39, from Birmingham, manages to feed her starving family on a budget using simple store cupboard…
Fish caught swimming on German motorway!
(NOT EDITED) Due to heavy rains bombarding certain parts of Germany strange occurrences have been spotted on a motorway between Cologne and Bonn. The motorway runs parallel to the River Rhine, and although flood-barriers have been erected, the Rhine…PM attempts to applaud for Captain Tom
Captain Sir Tom Moore, 100, passed away yesterday of Covid, dying in a hospital run by the very health service that he raised so much money for. "He was an old man," said Boris Johnson. "Very old, indeed. And he was, of course, a man. Captain Tom…McDonald’s Loses Special Sauce Recipe; Big Mac Sales Halted
OAK BROOK, IL â€" In a stunning blow to an iconic American food product, McDonald’s Corporate Headquarters has announced that they have lost the recipe for the World-Renowned Special Sauce, the result being that sales of the Big Mac have been halted ac…Science Teacher Tells Student: "It's Not Rocket Science!"
A school student who kept bothering his science teacher with irrelevant, not to say 'irreverent', questions about space travel in a lesson that was, instead, on the topic of 'Matter' - which was somewhat difficult to understand - was told by the teac…Biden To Ban Pygmy-Dwarf Tossing
BILLINGSGATE POST: With his forty-first executive order, President Biden banned the use of Pygmy-dwarfs in any games which utilize little people under four feet tall in a game similar to dart throwing - except, instead of using darts, the contesta…British fishing vessels may gain access to the Pacific
The UK government have announced their intention to join a major trading bloc for the first time since leaving the EU. The Trans-Pacific Partnership is a trading agreement between eleven nations including Japan, Mexico and New Zealand, who intend to…The Kardashian Sisters To Star in the X-Rated Film, ‘3 Girls, 1 Margarita Glass’
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Andy Cohen, of the Bravo Network, is reporting that the three elder Kardashian sisters, have just been signed to star with Matthew McConaughey, Bradley Cooper, and Yo Yo Afro Woke, in the Tri-Moon Films production of the…Trump Senate Lawyers Offer 6 Word Defense, Then Rest: "What About Hillary, What About Antifa"
Washington D.C. - The week-long impeachment trial of former president Donald Trump concluded on Friday, when lawyers for the disgraced head of state wrapped up the trial in the Senate with just six words: "What about Hillary, what about Antifa".Original Jesus's sandals found in German priest's foot-locker!
(NOT EDITED) A wicked smell was detected coming out of an ancient priest's foot-locker deep down in Pruem Cathedral's catacomb. Pruem is a town lodged between green hills faraway in the Eifel area of Germany. Locals have always wondered why such a…Man Watching Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day
Barry Heckingthwaite has spent the day watching Groundhog Day because it is Groundhog Day. The 1990s film favourite stars Bill Murray acting, and Andie McDowell simpering, and was a relative hit when first released. Still, its storyline of a man r…Louis Gohmert Files Charges in East Texas Accusing Hillary Clinton of Being a "Whatabout"
Tyler, Texas - U.S. Congressman Louis Gohmert filed charges at the courthouse here, yesterday, accusing former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton of involving herself in multiple illegal activities, including participating in "Whatabou…Trump Barred from Living in Mar-A-Lago, Will Build Compound in Guyana for Family and Worshippers
Mar-A-Lago, Florida - Former President Donald Trump, rebuffed by his neighbors in West Palm Beach who refused to allow him and his camp followers to settle at his Mar-A-Lago resort here, has announced he will purchase a plot of land in Guyana to buil…Environment Minister for Floods, Noah Zark, says, “It’s not building new houses and concreting over everything that creates floods, you know. It’s the rain.†Developers and major builders, worried about a recession in their industry, have urged th…
Student Denied Third Visit To Toilet In Same Lesson Spurts Diarrhoea Over Wide Area
There was controversy at a local primary school earlier today, when a male student who had already paid two visits to the toilet during his science lesson, was denied a third visit by his frustrated teacher, and was made to pay dearly for the consequ…Senator Joseph McCarthy visits from Lower Belmarsh Hades Lot 46 Cell #19
Incredible developments continue to shape our world. Vaccines that used to take several years to develop are now available in a few months. A new "political science" for the covid epidemic has emerged. Even more astonishing--breaking: Co…Scotland's alternative vaccine
The people of Scotland, like the rest of the UK, are suffering during lockdown. But the Scottish government may be about to put a huge smile on their faces. First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has prescribed three grams of heroin to every man, woman an…Snoring in hospital beds is to be forbidden!
(NOT EDITED) Anti-snoring groups are protesting outside German hospitals in an attempt to make it a crime to snore during time spent in wards. "Snoring is a crime and should be forbidden!" Sensitive ex-patients have been observed screaming, "Snor…