Who says it was an acquittal? The verdict was 57 to 43. There’s a 14 point difference. In a football game, that would have been a loss. Even Donald Trump can see it wasn’t a unanimous win or a real victory. In the world of Albert Einstein, Galile…
A child's doll whose leg came off several weeks ago has at last been repaired by the father of its owner, it has been reported. The doll, Malina, which can be seen in the graphic above, is the property of young Delma Kenwood, aged 5, who, in tempe…
The Valentine's Day tradition that gets the cream
Many Valentine's Day traditions are modern, commercial and trashy - the giving of cards, the pressure to send flowers - these are all recent inventions. Yet there is one popular tradition that is still going and started all the way back with St Valen…Man's Wife Has Left Him And Run Off With Her Dildo
A man who hit upon the unusual idea of buying his wife a dildo as a gift for St. Valentine's Day, has told 'friends' on social media that she has now run off and left him, in order to start a new life in Europe with her 'pleasure stick'. She is th…Everyone Surprised By Trump Acquital That Everyone Predicted
Hollywood’s most beloved stars and DC’s prominent politicians were shocked when they heard that Donald Trump was acquitted of his impeachment charges by almost exactly the same margin of votes that everyone in the world had been predicting for a mont…Doublespeak dot com awards program banned by Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, Google et al
Doublespeak dot com's offer of prizes for the best samples of Washington double-speak has run afoul of watchdogs for the nation's OPN (officially preferred narrative). The Establishment--billionaires, press, and their government representatives--n…The World’s First Transgender Sumo Wrestler Gets Her Ass Kicked
KAGOSHIMA, Japan â€" (Sports Satire) â€" The Saki-Saki News Agency has stated that the world’s first transgender wrestler, Yamaha Wasabi, 37, has lost for the first time in her 12-month career. Wasabi, who weighs a whopping 521 pounds, was clobbered b…A missing needle that was the focus of an intensive search being conducted in the East Yorkshire area this morning, has turned up, as its finder expected it would, in a haystack. The search for the needle was undertaken yesterday afternoon by Myke…
Man Has Got His Wife A Dildo For Valentine's Day
A man who was looking for an unusual and novel St. Valentine's Day gift for his wife, has gone for the jackpot this year, after revealing to workmates that he has got her a 12-inch black dildo. Ron Lummox, 40, hit upon the brilliant idea as he bro…Just as Donald Trump threw rolls of paper towels to flood victims, the Republican Senate (except for seven Senators) threw Donald Trump 43 rolls of paper towels. He certainly must have been more grateful than the flood victims. Now he can run aga…
After watching the films of the January 6, Capitol invasion by "that group of hoodlums" (Trump’s words), and hearing his January 6 speech in front of the White House, Donald J. Trump confessed in tears that he was guilty, yes guilty of inciting the m…
Washington D.C. - Lawyers for Donald Trump took center stage on Friday at his impeachment trial, and immediately claimed that the President's speech on January 6th, to a crowd of supporters whipped into a frenzy by Trump's claim that the election was…
Working Class Knobhead Accused Of Being 'Upper Class Twit'
In a misjudgement of humongous proportions, a man who, if he categorizes himself as being anything at all, classes himself as being a working class idiot, has been accused by another man of being an 'upper class twit'. The accusation arose earlier…Public Hoping That Cult Leader Will be Convicted by a Jury, Half of Which Consists of His Followers
Washington D.C. - In a week-long trial of a former President and leader of the Trumpist cult, the American public, who recently, according to polls, decided he was guilty of fomenting violence against the country's democratic system of government, pl…Morphine tablets cause erection instability!
(NOT EDITED) Slipped discs, plus other agonising ailments, are often treated by doctors prescribing painkillers. However, their side effects, albeit painless, can cause other strange reactions to the male body scientists have discovered! Females s…Biden Orders Revolving Fire Hydrants For White House Grounds
BILLINGSGATE POST: In his latest Executive Order, President Biden decreed that revolving fire hydrants be installed on the White House grounds, having grown tired of seeing his two mutts, Champ and Major, lift their legs to pee on the existing hydra…Oh well, the Republicans say, that was yesterday; today is now. Get over it! It’s water under the bridge. Those who died can’t be resurrected. Those injured will recover. It’s a 'so what?' situation. Get over it! Tomorrow is another day. January 6 wi…
Man sending Valentine Cards to all of the women he knows
Lonely bachelor Brian Asshat is sending Valentine's cards to all of the women that he knows. 'Yes,' said Brian, 'I will be sending 17 Valentine's cards this year, well I sent them all on Monday, so they should be delivered by now. I sent one to Ph…Britain's first nail bar for dogs opens
Many businesses have been forced to shut down during the pandemic, some of them permanently. But not all shops are suffering badly. This week in Chaffinch St Cock, Britain's first nail bar for dogs opened. Canine Chaffinch Nails is subject to the…The Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the considerable, and growing, number of fake news stories written about him, and remarked that he wished he had a ten-pound note for every one of them, for then, he woul…
The Vampire Dairies Starring Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Is Back
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" Millions of Vampire Diaries fans from Bulgaria to Pisagovia are thrilled that the popular vampire TV series is coming back with brand new shows. The year is now 2021, and the town has become a virtual cesspool of haunti…Spinster buying Valentine's cards for Postman and Delivery Driver
Spinster Felicity Dowager from Chutney on the Fritz is buying Valentine's cards for her postman and delivery driver. Felicity said: 'I am 24, and have never been married, and I am always being told by unhelpful maiden aunts that my best years are…Pub band Anthea Turner Overdrive are cursing the fact that while the erstwhile Television Presenter is trending on Twitter, they have not seen an upsurge in visits to their website, or Twitter feed. The band, are a popular live act around the Norf…
Traffic Cone now knows all of student's boring life choices
Traffic cone Peter Smith now knows everything that student Conrad Barrington does, as the two have been sharing house space since September. 'It all seemed like so much fun at first ' said Peter. 'I just minded my own business at the end of a road…Couple regret starting a Jason Statham Film Marathon
Chutney on the Fritz couple Gary and Lorraine have begun to regret their plan to watch all of Jason Statham's films during the lockdown. 'I knew he had done a few films,' said Gary. 'I mean, there were the three Expendables films, the one with Mir…Meghan Markle Has Agreed To Appear on Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD â€" (Satire News) â€" BuzzFuzz has just disclosed that Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, has finally agreed to appear on TV’s original dance competition show, Dancing With The Stars. BuzzFuzz has stated that the DWTS producers have been…Justice For The Capitol Building
The Capitol Building was vandalized by a mob of insurrectionists guided and motivated by Donald J. Trump. He claimed his reelection was stolen. Boo Hoo! Every loser’s lament. Trump failed to win the popular vote, and didn't come near winning t…Special Forces From Switzerland Capture The World’s Most Notorious Terrorist Leader
CAMEL SHIT, Afghanistan â€" (Satire News) â€" Al-Zit Mohammed, supreme leader of the Taliban, and the most notorious terrorist leader on earth, has been captured. Afghanistan’s Mirage News Agency has confirmed that the 52-year-old beer-bellied leader…Marjorie Taylor Greene Wants To Ban Black History Month
WASHINGTON, D.C. â€" (Satire News) â€" The woman who most of America is now calling the most hateful, despicable, evil woman in the entire universe, has just gone and stuck her size 13-D foot in her nasty, bigoted mouth. Marjorie “The Human Scarecrow