Man Says There Is No Need For Russia To Be So Big
A casual glance cast over any world map will show the viewer the immense dimensions of the territory of Russia, with its huge wide-open tracts of land and empty spaces, and it's been claimed by one man that there is absolutely no need whatsoever for…Santa Claus Told To Stay At Home This Christmas
It's been announced in the last few minutes that a Coronavirus Think Tank made up of representatives from the world's leading powers has issued a strong warning to Santa Claus, telling him to stay at home this Christmas. Claus is known to be somet…Putin Says US Elections Were Flawed
Vladimir Putin, whose political opponents usually end up dead, shot in the back, falling out of windows, poisoned with umbrellas, or served radioactive tea at the Millennium Hotel in London, had the chops to say that the US 2020 Presidential Election…BBC Tampering With Song: Man To Say The Word 'Faggot' Every Day Until Christmas
The BBC's tampering with the words of The Pogues' Christmas classic song, 'Fairy Tale Of New York', in order to pander to snowflakes, has got one man so angry, that he's claimed he will say the word 'Faggot' every day until Christmas. And possibly…Boris asks the public for help with his password
Since his sinister adviser Dominic Cummings has gone, Boris Johnson's buffoonery has been allowed to romp unchecked. Numerous incidents in recent days have raised alarm among the PM's handlers. First, he posted a photo of his testes on Twitter, mi…Obama slated to take long vacation
Washington DC Swamp. President Obama, worn out from running the shadow government, is planning an extended vacation, now that a “real†president has been “electedâ€. Rumor has it that the US government will pay all expenses and provide maximum s…California Fears That The Golden Gate Bridge Could End Up in Nevada
CARPINTERIA, California â€" (Satire News) - There is lots of concern in California, as earthquake experts from Left Coast College are predicting that a big earthquake could be right around the corner. According to tests being run in Japan, they fee…A man who is a frequent contributor to a satirical news website has revealed how, after nearly fourteen years as a member, he has written his very first - and, quite possibly, last - joke for the site. Many, many moons ago, all the way back in Dec…
Maria Bartiromo Has Just Become The Most Hated Woman In America
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Satire News) â€" Many U.S. news agencies are reporting that Fox News host, Maria Bartiromo, has just become the most hated woman in America. Bartiromo, who is 53, but looks 83, interviewed President Trump, and, after she finished, s…The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #9: The Dugong
The dugong is severely uninteresting. Its name is uninteresting; its appearance is uninteresting; and, by God, everything else about it is just as uninteresting - if not more so. For a start, the name 'dugong' has a rather uninteresting ring to it…The New York Jets Fire Their Entire Cheerleading Squad
NEW YORK CITY â€" (Sports Satire) â€" New York sports fans, like Boston and Philadelphia sports fans, can be downright mean and nasty when it comes to their home teams. Several years ago, Philadelphia Phillies fans booed the Easter Bunny. And, just la…Biden Presidency In Doubt As List Of 'Potential Injuries' Grows
There was mounting tension in Washington today, as, after his accident on Saturday, when President-elect Joseph Biden twisted his ankle in an incident involving one of his dogs, his medical team set about taking precautionary measures to try to ensur…Brit 'spiffing PM' confuses 'Lockdown' with 'Countdown' in his jumbled up bubble!
(NOT EDITED) Many Brit voters are now pondering over their decision to put 'spiffing' Boris Johnson into power as Christmas approaches. Oxford English language professors are being invited to Nr.10 Downing Street in an attempt to untangle the PM's sc…Man Arrived At Work Only To Be Told To Go Home Again
A man who arrived at work this morning, only to be told that he should go home again because the government had just announced a second lockdown, has said he was well and truly pissed off, because his wife, who had brought him to work on her motorbik…An 18-Wheeler in Georgia Overturns Spilling Tons of Guacamole Dip
ROTTEN PEACHES, Georgia â€" (Satire News) â€" An 18-wheeler Kroger trailer truck overturned on the General Robert E. Lee Highway, just outside of the little town of Rotten Peaches, Georgia, spilling guacamole dip all over the place. Luckily, the drive…Popular Welsh Elvis impersonator Shakin' Stevens will not be heard in shops in the same way during Lockdown, so to combat any deficit of Christmas cheer, the BBC is planning to play his evergreen ditty Merry Christmas Everyone at 8.00 each evening.
Hulk Hogan is Down To 147 Pounds
VENICE BEACH, California â€" (Sports Satire) â€" In the ‘It’s So Sad Department’, the once-great WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan is no longer a hulk. According to Hogan’s dentist, Dr. Marzo Glittyhop, the once-world-renowned wrestler, whose wrestling weight…The Denver Broncos Sign Tim Tebow
DENVER â€" (Sports Satire) â€" There is extreme joy in the Rocky Mountains today, as the Denver Broncos have just signed Tim Tebow to be their new starting quarterback. Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine, reported that the man who made “Tebowing†a nat…Trump To Have Surgery To Make His Hands Bigger
LOS ANGELES â€" (Satire News) â€" The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that President Trump has consulted one of the nation’s leading hand doctors. 5T stated that a source inside the White Folks House said that POTUS wants to have his tiny toddl…Trump Rails At Judges As They Reject His Voter Fraud Claims
Court after court, or judge after judge is rejecting Donald Trump’s claims of voter fraud. Imagine! It’s either a vast Judicial conspiracy or Trump doesn’t have a leg or false vote to stand on. And the courts were so terrific about not releasing his…God Denies Involvement In Maradona Hand Of God Goal
In a revealing moment earlier today which will undoubtedly send shockwaves all through the Buenos Aires baristas, the Supreme Being, God, has spoken out to deny any and all responsibility for assisting Argentina's Diego Maradona in the scoring of his…The Madame Tussaud Wax Museum Has Removed Trump’s Wax Likeness
PARIS â€" (Satire News) â€" The director of the famed Madame Tussaud Wax Museum has informed the news media that they have had to stop exhibiting the wax likeness of President Donald Trump due to financial reasons. Museum director Jean Franz L’Epinard…Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US
Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number of other novelt…Christmas Is Coming On January 20th
Forget December 25th; the real Christmas is coming on January 20th when Donald Trump is out, gone, evicted, removed from the White House, and replaced by the elected President Joseph Biden. Goodbye hysterical, crackpot tweets, written in a vindic…London Full Of 'Facking Cants'
In sensational news coming out of the capital this morning, it's been claimed that, although it sees itself as the centre of modern business and finance, political tradition and progressive governance, the arts and all cultural thinking, London is ab…Maria Sharapova Wants To Buy a Soccer Team
MANHATTAN BEACH, California - (Sports Satire) â€" Maria Sharapova, one of the greatest female tennis players of all-time, says that the rumors of her wanting to buy a professional soccer team are, in fact, true. The statuesque, 6-foot-2-inch tennis…It Ain’t Over Till The Fat Lady Sings
So how’s Trump’s singing voice? Anyone hear him sing The Star Spangled Banner? Jingle Bells? Happy Birthday? It’s about time he started singing and congratulated Joe Biden for winning the election, taking over Air Force One, and kicking him out of th…Centipede Scared Family Shitless
A quiet night in front of the TV spent watching a movie was ruined beyond redemption for one family last night, when, in the midst of their viewing, a gruesome impostor invaded their living room, and scared the living daylights out of them. The Ke…Maradona's obituaries "greatest of all time"
Many obituaries aspire to greatness, but few can match the memorials this week for lard-arsed coke-fiend Diego Maradona, who died aged 60. "I couldn't believe what I was reading," said death expert Geoff Ashes. "It's what we in the business call l…Media Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News
The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets. New York Times Company, owner of the New York Times (duh) lost 25% of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually…